Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

[Badsitu]

I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

Don’t have to go back to work have you ever looked after three toddlers?
Work would be a fucking picnic in comparison 🙄

There is no behaviour, issue or event under the sun that someone somewhere will not blame on a woman. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Evening Badsitu. We just wanted to check in and say hope you are ok. We also have a couple of webguides with phone numbers that might be helpful in your situation that we wanted to share:
https://www.mumsnet.com/i/domestic-violence-webguide
https://www.mumsnet.com/i/relationships-webguide

OP, you will never be able to understand because you are not an abusive bastard like him!

You cannot sort his problems for him. The only person that can change him is him.

You need to prioritise yourself and the children now.

You cannot bring them up in a house with a man who threatens to break your limbs and scares you so much you lose control of your bladder.

Stop trying to make sense of a non-sensical issue and make an escape plan.

The only thing you are in control of now is ensuring that neither you nor the kids will be his victim ever again.

Just stop making excuses for this dreadful man.
Having a rage fit because of mouldy olives is shocking.

Really? You think he's been threatening to break the arms of women at work?His boss? His mates? He's an abusive freak and should be in prison.And you're a disgusting apologist for domestic terrorism.

If my partner of many years suddenly became abusive then I would want to know what was happening with him. He could be going through a mental breakdown.

Probably should have thought about that before having three children then, shouldn't he? Or, I don't know, had an adult conversation with his wife instead of becoming abusive?

In this scenario, it's clearly OP who is trapped.

Hiw arw you today op?

Wow what a complete fucking toddler. Next time make him the sandwich and give him the furry fucking olives the prick!! While your there too add some fucking laxative to it and extremely hot head blown off chilli to it!

how dare he act like that over fucking olives. I would be kicking his ass out for that what a complete melt talk about over the top anyone would think he was pregnant.

My ex husband turned violent and had actually gone psychotic OP.
Tuned out he was a real danger to us and could have killed me and DS.
The divorce was granted on those grounds and he was stripped of custody of DS and not alkowed to see him at all.
We had alarms in the house and everything. Dont rule this out. People can and do have mental breakdowns and go psychotic.
Dont under estimate how dangerous this can be, you have three children to protect.
Do you have any family who can support you and put you up for a while?
He may need to be sectioned for this and everyone elses safety and you can only do that if its reported to the police.
The worst thing you can do is sweep this under the carpet.

She serves him furry olives and next time he wallops her.

This is not about olives.

This is a cunt of a man trying out being a cunt for size. And he likeS it. Guarantee he’s bad mouting the op and rewriting the incident.

Yes the man is a cunt.

Still leave the furry olives as he had a massive temper tantrum over her throwing spoiled food. Next time leave them so he can see they are furry.

Blokes like this really anger me. Disgusting parasite thinking it’s ok to treat a woman like that over something so small, especially while she is pregnant with his child. Pure scum.

Hear, hear.

You do not need to understand the why behind his actions. It doesn’t matter why. It matters that he lost control and threatened you. A chain is nothing, a bd you can’t barricade yourself and your children in.
I imagine he’s come home full of apologies. As soon as he’s gone to work I’d be packing a bag and getting out.

OP, I hope you and your kids are safe. Like someone upthread, I have been on MN for many years and this has by far been the worst I have read. It really sayed with me it was so chilling. Please don't minimise.

Hi @Badsitu , I woke up thinking about you this morning. Hope you’re ok.

as usual on Mumsnet, anyone giving more than a binary response is being ripped apart. Just a reminder that two things can be true - you can love and care about your partner, wanting to get to the bottom of what’s happened, whilst also understanding that you need to leave him for you and your children’s safety. Yes, his behaviour was completely abusive, but the LTB posters always seem to forget the nuance of human relationships. Don’t make OP feel more guilty for feeling conflicted.
OP, I hope you are safe and have support around you. I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been to see such a huge shift in personality and behaviour like that.

Normally I could agree with nuance but if the the situation went down exactly as op described (which I believe, she’s given details of him throwing a cup etc.) then there isn’t really a middle ground. You can’t have someone that volatile around three young children.

Not without intervention. Otherwise there are no changes and consequences and an incident like this happens again

It’s really not unusual. It’s a common reaction to fear.

Sadly this kind of thing is typical with domestic abuse. Previously lovely man blindsides partner with sudden seeming change of personality, often when partner is pregnant.

@Badsitu

Would you be able to let us know you are ok?

Lots of potential charges here. If bailed he can be bailed to different address with conditions not to approach you or the children. Better for children to stay at home but you must all be safe there. Get someone to come and stay with you.
please call Police. I’m sure you are in shock and this is so difficult. Your priority is your safety and that of your children. If he returns do not let him in call 999.