Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

[Badsitu]

I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

He threatened to break your arms???
WTAF!!!

You cannot have someone so aggressive in the same house as your children.

I would 100% report him to the police just like I would report my neighbour or colleague if they threatened to break my arms.
You can report it online if you don’t want to speak to them on the phone.

The fact that he’s not texted you saying he can’t believe how he acted etc and that he’ll go and stay elsewhere etc shows that he literally doesn’t give a shit.
I’m sure he’ll start grovelling when he wants to come back home. Dont fall for it.

I remember my dad strangling my mum over a punnet of strawberries.
She passed out and we thought he had killed her.
My siblings wet themselves and were frozen on the spot, so I had to get up and ring the police to say my mum is dead (she wasn’t but I was too young to know).

His physical violence only started when my youngest sibling was 2/3yo.
Don’t think just because he hasn’t been violent before that he won’t start.

I cannot begin to explain to you the impact that an angry person has on children, even when the aggression isn’t directed at them.

There is nothing anyone could do or say that I would ever forgive if they said they were going to break my arms.

I think you need to get somewhere peaceful right away as a priority for you and the baby, and the other children. Then see the mid-wife and have your blood pressure checked. You must have had a terrible shock.

If this is genuinely completely it of character then that’s even more reason to keep him away from you and the kids - he could be unstable and not be able to control his actions.

If he refuses to stay elsewhere then ring womens aid/the council and they’ll put you in emergency housing (likely a hotel).

I would report to the police so that he is less likely to come back home.

This is absolutely wrong on all levels .. the fact you are pregnant your children could of been in ear shot and he threatened to break your arms took the bank card off you over olives what the hell.
I've read your responses and agree you make him stay away from the house for the foreseeable.
He needs to know that his behaviour was absolutely not that of a good husband or father.
He terrified you .. you say he does have a bit of a temper but not like today I also don't think that is reasonable either .
He needs to go stay with family until you get an explanation and thoughts on how things are going forward.
Those words he spoke today I don't know how you could get past.
Big hug stay safe stay home and he stays away .. you should not be the one who needs to leave for space .. he needs to go to give you space.
Lean on family and friends if there isn't anyone womens aid a charity give them a ring xx

I feel like you're unduly focused on the fact you wet yourself - yes you were obviously terrified, which is bad enough as it is.

But he threatened to break your arms and took away your card (your only source of bank access?)?!?! I would go straight to the police

No getting angry from time to time isn’t normal. I thought it was when my ex husband did stuff like this. He kicked a hole in a door because I didn’t know where the fish food was off the top of my head. He smashed up some furniture because I was ‘behind’ with the washing. He jumped on the television because I did a birthday party for our son and didn’t tell him. (After we split). My second husband I have been with for eight years and we’ve never had a cross word between us. TBH I would call the police - I know that’s hard, I’ve had to do it, but it’s the best thing.

A quote I often remember from Katherine Ryan is that men are always just one bad decision away from blowing up their whole lives. This was his OP. You cannot allow this to happen.

So your relationship is in termoil. Priority number 1 is ensuring you and the DC are all safe. Priority 2 is tell someone in real life. A friend, neighbour, family, women's aid, the police or any DA charity...someone. Obviously that depends on what you're ready for, but you need to tell someone. You need support.
I would also be incredibly concerned about DH. If this has come out of the blue then there is something major going on. Could be medical, financial, work related...but normal, decent people don't threaten to break their pregnant wife's arms for throwing out mouldy food.
Only you can decide what the next steps are, but make sure you are safe

So he threw a wobbly, threatened violence, stormed out, hasn't even bothered apologising and has left a heavily pregnant wife on her own with 2 kids to look after, what a charmer don't waste time and energy looking for a reason, he can't even be bothered to answer your message and has left you worrying about him and where he is.

This @Badsitu

Think of your children, if yiu xannit think.of yourself. Children growing up around domestic abuse really suffer trauma and it damages them.

Phone the police and report him now. Right now 999 he threatening to break your arms. Fuck sake.

Hope you're ok OP, what a disgusting thing to experience.

It’s weird for behaviour like that to come out of nowhere when you have been together for years. It makes me think that he is ill or unstable for some reason.

OP, you need to leave and/or call the police.

He threatened to break the arms of a pregnant woman. There is no coming back from that.

It’s of course your decision but I personally couldn’t stay with a men who treated me like this, especially during pregnancy. Someone who scares you to the point of soiling yourself is not someone to share your life with and you don’t want to live in fear of it happening again. What if once you’ve had the baby he gets angry again and hits you? I hope you have plenty of support to help you deal with this?!

Agree x100. Get out now, do y talk to him at all. Ring the police if you feel you can but get out first x

@BadsituYou need to read Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do that". He does it because he can.
https://sa1s3.patientpop.com/assets/docs/85477.pdf
Don't bother trying to understand, if he hadn't meant it he would have apologised immediately and resolved not to do it again. He meant it.

This is horrible. Please take your children and leave the house. Please.

Please take on board the advice you’ve been offered OP.
There is never any excuse to say what he did to you. Not ever.
When people show you who you are, believe them.

The priority is to protect your children and you. Speak to family or friends tonight and ask them to come over so you’re not on your own. If you don’t want to call the police tonight, call them tomorrow. But don’t let this go, what he did and said was vile - and over olives?!, I mean WTF. If mouldy olives trigger him what happens if your children annoy him?
OP, please look after yourself, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Lots of sensible advice has been given by PPs, but I just wanted to share that my DH grew up with a violent father who beat his mother (and him). The trauma is still with him and he said the worst part of it wasn't the violence itself but the anticipation - the constant walking on eggshells, wondering when he was going to kick off, waiting for the key in the door and not knowing what mood his dad would be in. Now that your DH has done this, you will be walking on eggshells waiting to see if he blows up like this again. And you shouldn't have to live like that, and neither should your DC. You might never know what triggered this, but you need to get yourself to a safe place, with people who will help and look after you, while you figure out your next step. But you aren't safe with him, not now.

Just echoing what PP have said OP. Stay safe.

Please call the police. This is very serious. You need to report this and make sure you and the children are safe

I hope @Badsitu is ok. She’s not been back for ages.

Men can get really angry and really violent if they feel trapped.
OP is not working and is due to give birth to their 3rd child.
That could be the reason for his sudden outburst.
The thought of having to provide for 4 other people may be too much for him mentally.

This is horrible OP. Such unhinged behaviour; you must have been terrified.

You could contact your maternity unit - explain you are sure you've passed urine but are doubting yourself? What if it is your waters???

Better to be checked over. Whilst you're there, you could tell the midwife what happened- help and support will be given to you

Best of luck to you