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Original poster

Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

409 replies

Badsitu · 22/02/2026 14:34

I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

OP posts:
Alpacajigsaw · 22/02/2026 14:50

What a nasty bastard.

I’m so sorry- I have nothing to add to the good advice you have been given x

TwistedWonder · 22/02/2026 14:50

This might be the most angry you d ever seen him but I would guarantee that he’s behaved in an unacceptable and aggressive way before

Abusers dont usually go from 0-100 overnight. Have they’d been other incidents you’ve brushed under the carpet to keep the peace?

Please seriously think of your DC growing up with an abuser as a father and get your ducks in a row

Harrietsaunt · 22/02/2026 14:51

You need to take yourself somewhere safe. Is there someone you can tell in real life?

Freudulant · 22/02/2026 14:51

There’s absolutely no excuse for his behaviour. He’s threatened and frightened you. Who do you have around you for support? Parents, siblings, friends? Anyone who would recognise how serious this is and would offer practical support? These are the folk you need around you just now.

surprisebaby12 · 22/02/2026 14:52

You did something tiny and logical, and he threatened to break your arms. Has he been verbally aggressive before? If he hasn’t already, there is now a very real risk this behaviour could result in harm to you or the children so you are right to be afraid. I’m so sorry.

if this is very out of character behaviour, there’s a chance he could have something medically wrong with his brain, like a tumour. I have heard of that happening before.

Either way, he’s no longer safe to be around and you need to speak to a domestic violence organisation, and his parents. You can’t brush this aside.

365RubyRed · 22/02/2026 14:53

Get the children and get out of the house. Phone the police from a safe place - have you family you can stay with? This aggressive response to a simple incident is the tip of the iceberg. This is the end of the road. It could be your children on the receiving end of his temper next.

canklesmctacotits · 22/02/2026 14:54

Don’t hide this. Don’t give him the opportunity to apologize or deny he said it. Have someone there with you when he gets home, someone you’ve already told that he threatened to break your arms. Ideally a man he won’t threaten with physical harm. And ideally have that man ready to tell your DH to pack his bags and leave the house.

Im so sorry OP.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/02/2026 14:54

Now he's made his point, he'll likely be charming dad, slightly cold with you, very calm, so that you feel you can't engage with all these voices urging action.

I think there's a lot of wise advice here, but I think it's very hard to act on it because it's almost impossible to take it in. What just happened? If this is the end, what now? So many practicalities!

Maybe you'll leave today, stay with friends or family till you can sort out your life, never go back. Maybe you won't. Whatever you do, make this a line in the sand. Keep telling yourself, this is not something you come back from. He has ended the marriage right there. It might not show on the surface for a while, but don't let yourself bury the shock, the hurt, the betrayal.

I'm so sorry Flowers

beAsensible1 · 22/02/2026 14:55

Badsitu · 22/02/2026 14:39

We are married, I don’t work as youngest is not yet in nursery and I am about to give birth any time now.

I have people nearby but how on earth do I explain this to somebody… my own husband made me wee in the kitchen in fear because I threw away any few olives. This is crazy and I can’t make sense of it. He has never been so angry.

You tell them he threatened to break your arms for throwing out mouldy olives and removed your access to money.

StephensLass1977 · 22/02/2026 14:55

As pps have said, are you sure it wasn't your waters breaking?

I know you won't want to deal with police so close to giving birth but you need to make yourself, incoming new baby, and children the absolute priority. Do whatever you need to to make that happen.

Octavia64 · 22/02/2026 14:55

Similar happened to me.

the police advised that it would be good idea to be elsewhere at least for a bit.

pack a bag for a week or so and either do a hotel or go to family if you can.
you don’t want things getting worse.

my then h unfortunately didn’t really understand what had happened and doubled down on it being mine/the kids fault.

WonderingWanda · 22/02/2026 14:55

What an awful experience for you op. Please call the police, explain the threats he made and that you are scared what he will do when he comes back. Then call a locksmith and a relative.

How he normally is is irrelevant (although he sounds quite controlling), how he has just behaved is the important thing here. It doesn't matter what the reasons for this outburst are, just that you are safe.

FranticFrankie · 22/02/2026 14:57

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/02/2026 14:54

Now he's made his point, he'll likely be charming dad, slightly cold with you, very calm, so that you feel you can't engage with all these voices urging action.

I think there's a lot of wise advice here, but I think it's very hard to act on it because it's almost impossible to take it in. What just happened? If this is the end, what now? So many practicalities!

Maybe you'll leave today, stay with friends or family till you can sort out your life, never go back. Maybe you won't. Whatever you do, make this a line in the sand. Keep telling yourself, this is not something you come back from. He has ended the marriage right there. It might not show on the surface for a while, but don't let yourself bury the shock, the hurt, the betrayal.

I'm so sorry Flowers

Absolutely this

Please look after yourself, your baby and your girls OP

Crazybigtoe · 22/02/2026 14:57

It would change the way I interacted with him and I wouldn't feel confident with someone that threatened me that way. I would be on edge. I'd worry about my kids butting heads with him as they grow (as kids do ..) and i'd worry about his reaction and would find it hard to trust him. You lost control of your bladder. Your body is telling you something.

Tel12 · 22/02/2026 14:58

Your need leave. Go to your family or friends and explain what's happened. Take it from there.

somanychristmaslights · 22/02/2026 14:58

What else does he do Op as he doesn’t go from normally loving husband to that.

JustSawJohnny · 22/02/2026 14:59

Get. Out. NOW.

NOW!

Not tomorrow. Not next week. NOW.

He scared you so badly, OVER OLIVES, that you WET YOURSELF!

He is an abusive shit and if he is prepared to go off on you so hard over something SO SMALL when you are heavily pregnant, things will only get worse.

Get to family or close friends, TODAY.

Apologies for the caps BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TO LISTEN AND TAKE ACTION.

For you AND your kids.

Tell EVERYONE.

He's a cunt and deserves no protection.

I'd be on to his Mum right now. Everyone needs to know what he is.

Solost92 · 22/02/2026 14:59

Go lock the doors with the keys in the locks now.
Text him and tell him not to come home. You're scared, his behaviour was terrifying. Not to come back until he's been to the gp and got something in line for support for his mental health/anger management. If he thinks that's acceptable behaviour, he's done nothing wrong then you tell him not to return. You get a non molestation order. Our local support team is called blue door, you could try women aid see if they can put you in contact with someone.

Do you know his parents? Are they supportive of you? Could you ring his parents and ask them to let him stay there while he sorts himself out, tell them what happened, that he threatened to break your arms. You're scared.

Call your parents or a friend, see if someone can stay with you or check in on you. He has threatened to break your arms and scared you so much you pissed yourself. Take it seriously and protect yourself. Men go from lovely partners to murderers plenty.

IckyIck · 22/02/2026 14:59

Leave. Go to a friend's or a relative's. Wetting yourself from fear is not something to be ashamed of.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (run by Refuge)
Rights of Women advice lines, there are a range of services available

slaintebab · 22/02/2026 15:00

You need to leave, OP. Even if, as a PP has said there’s something medically wrong with him that has caused this, you are still in danger by being around him. You have done nothing wrong and you can explain to family exactly what happened.

Elizabethandfour · 22/02/2026 15:00

I am so sorry op. What a horrible situation for you. Please tell someone, anyone and get the help you need.

WillsDumb · 22/02/2026 15:01

Could your waters have broken @Badsitu ?

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 22/02/2026 15:01

Jesus wept. I am so sorry to read this nightmare you’re enduring.

And I’m echoing previous posters who say leave now.

This never ever gets better.

He’s started. He’s testing what you will accept.

Once a man has shown you this behaviour, it only escalates. Maybe not quickly but it always alway escalates.

I hope you have family or friends you and your dcs can go to.

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 22/02/2026 15:02

This has actually terrified me. OP, you’re in danger from this lunatic. Imagine his boss told him if he did something again he’d break his arms. How would that pan out? Would that be acceptable?

You need to grab your girls and run. He’s a ticking time bomb. It’s not a matter of will he kill you, it’s a matter of WHEN he will kill you!

Randomuser2026 · 22/02/2026 15:02

Badsitu · 22/02/2026 14:39

We are married, I don’t work as youngest is not yet in nursery and I am about to give birth any time now.

I have people nearby but how on earth do I explain this to somebody… my own husband made me wee in the kitchen in fear because I threw away any few olives. This is crazy and I can’t make sense of it. He has never been so angry.

OMG What have I just read.

You pack up stuff for you and your children and you get away from that monster today.

I hope killing his marriage is worth it for a few fucking olives.

He’ll calm down and accuse you of exaggerating or he didn’t mean it like that. But he deserves public shaming.