Things you 'should' feel guilty for but don't

[TinaTwinkleToes]

I don't like my mother but she helps with childcare

Are you good at propagating? Do they generally take?

Like with all gardening it's hit and miss but it's always worth a try.

Almost 26 years ago,I found it was pregnant

Not just a little bit pregnant,I had 6 days to get ready for the new baby

I gave birth to him and couldn't have loved him more-it was almost animalistic

Then the crushing pnd kicked in-i was so ill

I kept forgetting I had him and kept leaving him in places-lack of sleep and a high needs baby didnt help

(I did write about this on another thread)

The bit I left out was when he was about 3 months old,I was at my parents (my narc mother did everything she could to stop me getting the help I so badly needed-to the point she was contating our joint gp to tell her id be in later and that i was bullshitting and telling everyone i was a liar)

I do remember standing in my old bedroom,at the window and I know I was holding him

Then it all goes black

Im told my mother had come upstairs and said 'what are you doing?' And apparently I said 'im throwing him out of this window'

She claims she took him away from me and sent me to bed,where I slept for 18 hours straight (my sister in law had him-i was in no fit state to disagree)

I dont remember this at all-i remember waking up and having him shoved back at me with 'your baby,your problem'

I slowly,and without any help got better-his first year or so is a blank

Anyway,a few years ago,the 'baby' (now an adult) rang me,really upset that his nan had told him id tried to throw him out of the window and that she'd stopped me (true) and wasn't she the best nan ever to have lived but im the worst mother in the world while laughing at her 'funny' story

I told him the bare naked truth-the bad and the ugly and how id buried it as I felt so guilty,which is why id never told him

The guilt had been crushing me for years-what mother does this to her much loved baby?

He told me I had nothing to feel guilty for-'mum,you where ill'

Now thanks to that amazing man hes grown into,I dont feel guilty anymore-pnd is one of those things and the people who should have been supporting me,didnt and even went out of their way to stop me getting the help I so badly needed while laughing to my face and behind my back

I was ill-very ill and needed my mother,family and gp to step up to support me and they didn't

Im nc with my family now and changed doctors as soon as I felt strong enough

I don't take snips, but I have got cuttings from my local park and have successfully grown some salvias and winter flowering box from them. Zero guilt.
I also get foliage for my mantle shelf and wreath from there for the Christmas period. Again, zero guilt

This is hilarious 😂

I usually guiltily try to snap bits off but I'm almost at the age I can brazen it out......

Last year, I reduced my FB friends from over 100 to around 60 people that I genuinely like and enjoy seeing their occasional updates.

This included blocking one of my best friends who kept posting pictures of herself with a lady who bullied me. Friend had witnessed the bullying happen. One day I just thought, fuck that.

I don’t feel guilty at all and I’m getting much better at saying no to people too. I’m usually quite the people pleaser. I think turning 50 helped me find a backbone.

@Navybluecoat I read your previous post about this. It's so hard when those you should be able to go to when you are at your lowest point aren't there for you. My own mum told me when I said I'd been put onto anti ds why on Earth was I taking them! In her day you just got on with things. Made me feel even worse a mum than before. But, I knew it was the right thing to do. My turning point was being so angry with my ed as she wouldn't have a daytime nap and I was just so so tired as I had two under two at that point. I just cried and cried, and then phoned the GP who was amazing.
I'm glad your ds could see through all the lies from your family and what the truth of it was 💐

Taking a day off work a couple of times a year and not telling anyone. I did it when the dc were at nursery and do now they are at school - although not as often now. But when they were young an I was exhausted it was absolutely worth it.

My Nan was absolutely shameless about doing this! I was trained as a lookout from a very early age, and she took an empty camera case with moist Jcloths inside to keep them alive until we got home. She had a very high success rate, and as far as I know, never got caught.

Ive got a kc dog too. The breed we wanted forever rarely crops up in rescues, we were 60 so wanted to get maximum years with her and rescues often come with their own issues. When she dies, if we can cope then we will think of a rescue(if we meet the criteria).
I don't iron.(apart from the fucking linen shirts). Tumble dying all the way apart from summer.

Yeah, I soak mine overnight in hot soapy water, then dishwasher them.

Really this is bad. There are so many reasons why lovely gardens don’t want people to do this. I certainly would report anyone doing it.

For staying as a SAHM and having a cleaner. My DH makes good money and I have hobbies and CBA to clean all the time 😂

Thank you

I feel your pain-he was my third under 3band i was a single parent

It's so hard-i honestly felt like I was drowning

Just brushing my hair or my teeth was enough to make me cry and I couldn't go to the shop as the sky would cave in on my head

I remember standing with the hoover nozzle in my hand and just sobbing because I couldn't work out how to turn it on and didnt have the energy to actually hoover that room,the other two had pulled the contents of a cupboard out-didnt have the brain space to clean it up and ds was screaming as id put him down

She walked in,told me I was doing a shite job as a mother and walked out again with my father in tow

Years later I also ended up on anti d's and she found the packet in my handbag

I was the biggest failure ever-shed managed to bring me and my brothers up and had managed her darkest days without them (utter bollocks,I was dumped off onto my grandad,my brother was dumped on our aunt and another brother was dumped onto a neighbour,leaving the golden child at home with her)

She'd had 'no support at all' (again bollocks) and 'your father was always at work!' (Earning money for her treats and takeaways)

It was so unbelievably hard at the time and I count all my lucky stars that he rang me to get my side of the story rather than believing her outright and cutting me out (which is what she wanted and was why shed told him)

Im very lucky to have him as my son

Having the occasional day where both kids go to school and I just binge watch Netflix from after drop off until pick up.

Working 3 days a week when we only have a 12yo.

Amen. Life is SHORT.

Surely this is everyone’s goal? 🙌

Are you me?! I could've written this.

I’ve worked 3 days a week since mine were babies and never went back full time. My youngest is 27. My parents both died over 20 years ago and left me enough to pay off my mortgage so I don’t need the money and, while I’m sad they’re not around I don’t feel guilty that I am not having to look after them and pay for care homes.

In the winter I quite often stay in bed till lunchtime on my non-working days and love it.

In my long career seen loads of men who work full time slope around the office on Mondays and Fridays wasting time and avoiding family life - in at the crack of dawn to avoid mornings and hang back for the gym to avoid homework etc …. paid full time barely breaking a sweat.

I play on my phone when I'm in online meetings that I'm earning £100 an hour for.

It's that or I start falling asleep.

This is what I do too! 0 guilt

My MIL bought us tickets to a miserable play on a Friday night after work in the nearest city over 1 hours drive from us. We’re not going. We’re going to watch a YouTube video about the play & lie as she most definitely will ask about it.

This has made me cry. You must be so, so proud of him. I hope you are proud of yourself as well, because you must have loved and protected and championed that boy for his entire childhood for him to have that reaction so quickly. He knows in the marrow of his bones that his mother loves him, and there is nothing your mother can do to change that. ❤️