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Original poster

Partner not spending the same amount on me for my birthday …..

229 replies

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:04

I will start by saying I’m not materialistic and I know you don’t give to receive.
The start of the year we both said as it’s our 40th this year we would both like a little mini break.
It was my partners 40th in September and he wanted to go to Greece for a few nights.
So I booked for 4 nights end of September.
I paid for everything and probably spent around £1,500 as we did all inclusive.
For his birthday he said he wanted to feel special so I got him a cake ,balloon etc and got him some gifts to open (around £100 ish pound)

Now at the beginning of the year I said I would like a few nights away in December somewhere warm.
It got to October and he started saying Christmas is a bad time to go away,it’s expensive in December blah blah so I said okay we will just fly to Dublin and have a night there (nice meal etc )
Last month he started saying flights were so expensive and would I not rather have the money he was going to spend on flights for spending money somewhere else.
So I knew he didn’t want to go so I said okay.
He’s booked us to go to Manchester after Christmas for two nights.
At first he was saying he would book a really nice hotel etc and then said again “wouldn’t you rather have spending money for Trafford centre “ so he’s booked a premier inn.

He has double the amount of wages that I have but he wastes money on online gaming so he’s clearly thinking he doesn’t want to spend all his money on me and have nothing for gambling online.
He gets paid 20th this month so will have money.
Then he says it’s pointless buying a birthday cake as we are away after my birthday and a balloon is a waste of money.
Then he jokes “I might as well re use the 40th banners too “
I don’t think he’s joking either
Would you be disappointed ?

OP posts:
Lovelynames123 · 10/12/2025 19:12

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:13

We have been together 6 years now.
I would of loved somewhere warm but we have a big holiday planned for next June so I was happy with Dublin.
He has asked for a list of what I want for Christmas and he said he will pick a few things off that and give me spending money in Manchester.
I know Manchester will come around and he will say he’s skint so il be lucky to get £40

Well that's utterly shit, and your bar is low. Ditch the selfish that, spoil yourself and raise your bar!

GAJLY · 10/12/2025 19:14

snoopythebeagle · 10/12/2025 09:14

Uh, I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here - why are you wasting your life away with a gambler?

Yes, I agree with this 👆

FairKoala · 10/12/2025 19:14

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

But this isn’t kind. It’s manipulative and tight fisted

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 19:16

CuriousKangaroo · 10/12/2025 09:11

You have a much bigger problem than your birthday if you are with someone who repeatedly spends a significant proportion of their wages on gambling.

Gaming. Not gambling.

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 19:17

So he gets 4 nights in Greece and you don't even get a night in Dublin and a balloon that coats 4 quid?? You've now settled for shit hole Manchester and are doubting whether any of it will happen?

Man he's a pathetic loser.

ChristieMcVie · 10/12/2025 19:27

Theslummymummy · 10/12/2025 19:16

Gaming. Not gambling.

Show quote history

He has double the amount of wages that I have but he wastes money on online gaming so he’s clearly thinking he doesn’t want to spend all his money on me and have nothing for gambling online.

I think OP probably has a typo in her OP. She says gambling online as well as gaming online. I don't think gaming online is going to entail the sort of money OP is talking about.

venusandmars · 10/12/2025 19:28

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

But he's not being kind or thoughtful.

Pinkosand · 10/12/2025 19:35

Yes I'd be annoyed, not because of the money but because of the lack of effort, the lack of generosity, the manipulative behaviour to get me to spend less and for him prioritising online gaming above my birthday.

I wouldn't have let it get this far to be honest. If it was me I'd probably just point it out and say it didn't seem fair from the get go.

TheOpalReader · 10/12/2025 19:36

I can appreciate the comments saying you should say something to him. But I'd be gutted to be so low on someone's priorities, you shouldn't have to spell it out to him where's the enjoyment in that. If you have to nag him to get what you want the fun has been well and truly sucked out of the occasion.

I'd be leaving him asap. Imagine what it's going to be like when you're old you'll be his nurse and he'll be the selfish idiot not even giving you a second thought.

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 10/12/2025 19:36

Tbh he could give you £2k in cash so its "equal" amounts but regardless of the amount he spends what would really upset me is the complete lack of any effort

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/12/2025 19:37

Believe me shopping in the Trafford Centre and a stay at a local Premier Inn fails massively in comparison to a hotel hol in a nice place.

He is taking you for a ride
And Gambling will always be his number one love.

Top.him pronto.

shhblackbag · 10/12/2025 19:37

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:13

We have been together 6 years now.
I would of loved somewhere warm but we have a big holiday planned for next June so I was happy with Dublin.
He has asked for a list of what I want for Christmas and he said he will pick a few things off that and give me spending money in Manchester.
I know Manchester will come around and he will say he’s skint so il be lucky to get £40

So, why are you still with him? He's doing it because he can. Are you paying for the June holiday?

BrightLeader · 10/12/2025 19:37

What a selfish uncaring person you have as a partner

TheTaupeScroller · 10/12/2025 19:41

The amount is actually irrelevant, but he just doesn't care!

I wouldn't be disappointed, I would be looking for a replacement of that selfish uncaring man. What's the point in being with someone who doesn't lift you up and brings you joy?

I expect more from my partner than my girlfriends, and they would do a lot better. So that man would not be for me, at all.

Facescar77 · 10/12/2025 19:45

CuriousKangaroo · 10/12/2025 09:11

You have a much bigger problem than your birthday if you are with someone who repeatedly spends a significant proportion of their wages on gambling.

This! I'd be throwing this one back on that alone!

Bonden · 10/12/2025 19:46

For the love of god. Why are you with him?

nomas · 10/12/2025 19:53

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:13

We have been together 6 years now.
I would of loved somewhere warm but we have a big holiday planned for next June so I was happy with Dublin.
He has asked for a list of what I want for Christmas and he said he will pick a few things off that and give me spending money in Manchester.
I know Manchester will come around and he will say he’s skint so il be lucky to get £40

Tell him you want £1500 cash for your birthday.

Settle for nothing less.

Trishyb10 · 10/12/2025 19:59

Bloody hell, most folk get a box of chocs and a bunch of carnations, buy your own treats dont depend on anyone else, how sad…. In years to come you,l realise things like your health are most important instead of worthless trinkets

Saltvinegar · 10/12/2025 20:00

OP you’ve posted about your partner before and his gambling habit. He sounds like a loser you should dump.

Evergreen21 · 10/12/2025 20:03

I really do despair at posts like this. Your standards are unbelievably low. No I wouldn't put up with this. It's my 40th next year and dh will make it special just because.

You are an adult and set your own boundaries. He is a colossal waste of time and if you were my friend or sister I'd tell you exactly that. It's not about the fact that he hadn't matched the money spent, he hasn't done any planning or forward thinking,he hasn't matched the empathy or love you have for him. You've given 6 years of your life to him, respect yourself and don't waste any more on him.

MummyJ36 · 10/12/2025 20:06

“For his birthday he said he wanted to feel special”

ew. This gives me the ick.

lros · 10/12/2025 20:08

BellaBal · 10/12/2025 09:27

What a selfish cocklodging waste of a human lifeform.

I would go all sweet for now. Go to Manchester and go to the Trafford centre on a busy Saturday, the waltz him into a John Lewis and some £1k bits of jewellery make a big fuss about trying them on, pick the one that’s perfect, say how you love it and you simply have to have it, if he demurs say “oh but I spent over £1600 on -all the things you wanted for your birthday and it is Christmas and it’s my fortieth and you didn’t take me away for a break like I wanted - we stuck at the Premier Inn, and you promised to buy me a lovely gift instead . This is what I want - please please please.”

Let him try to say no to that in front of a room full people.

When you get home - go to a local John Lewis store and return the gift for vouchers and then spend on something more sensible. Tell him “oh I changed my mind, it was so expensive I didn’t feel safe wearing it but I feel like we are even now, since we basically spent the same amount in each other. And honestly, it made me SO happy that you would spoil me like that, it was the best 40th birthday I could have hoped for seeing as we didn’t manage to get away for a break. Thank you sweetie for being so lovely.”

Brazen win.

What an earth did I just read?! Are you being serious? Hell would have to freeze over before I begged my significant other for something in a shop like a little child. And then returning it for something practical and cooing over the value. Wtf. Some people genuinely baffle me. Where is the pride in this?

OP you book something just for you. Something you want to do. And invite a best friend or relative along. Tell him you’ve arranged your own birthday and go and bloody enjoy it. He can crack on and spend his own money gambling. Then when you return decide what you want to do about him as you don’t feel prioritised and he needs help.

Washingupdone · 10/12/2025 20:09

A leopard doesn’t change its spots, he’s a gambler there will never be any money, his hobby will come first. Leave while you are young enough to live your new life.Don’t spent hundreds on a Christmas present for him. Save your money and put it towards your escape route.

PInkyStarfish · 10/12/2025 20:09

He’s a cheapskate. Absolutely dreadful and I would bin him immediately.

Eyeshadow · 10/12/2025 20:10

Gaming or gambling??

Gaming - it’s his hobby, fine.

Gambling - absolutely not, I would have left the minute I found out.

Your priorities are all wrong.

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