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Original poster

Partner not spending the same amount on me for my birthday …..

229 replies

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:04

I will start by saying I’m not materialistic and I know you don’t give to receive.
The start of the year we both said as it’s our 40th this year we would both like a little mini break.
It was my partners 40th in September and he wanted to go to Greece for a few nights.
So I booked for 4 nights end of September.
I paid for everything and probably spent around £1,500 as we did all inclusive.
For his birthday he said he wanted to feel special so I got him a cake ,balloon etc and got him some gifts to open (around £100 ish pound)

Now at the beginning of the year I said I would like a few nights away in December somewhere warm.
It got to October and he started saying Christmas is a bad time to go away,it’s expensive in December blah blah so I said okay we will just fly to Dublin and have a night there (nice meal etc )
Last month he started saying flights were so expensive and would I not rather have the money he was going to spend on flights for spending money somewhere else.
So I knew he didn’t want to go so I said okay.
He’s booked us to go to Manchester after Christmas for two nights.
At first he was saying he would book a really nice hotel etc and then said again “wouldn’t you rather have spending money for Trafford centre “ so he’s booked a premier inn.

He has double the amount of wages that I have but he wastes money on online gaming so he’s clearly thinking he doesn’t want to spend all his money on me and have nothing for gambling online.
He gets paid 20th this month so will have money.
Then he says it’s pointless buying a birthday cake as we are away after my birthday and a balloon is a waste of money.
Then he jokes “I might as well re use the 40th banners too “
I don’t think he’s joking either
Would you be disappointed ?

OP posts:
surreygirly · 10/12/2025 09:38

Personally I think spending £1500 on someone birthday is insane
Of my partner did that I would be cheesed off as we have far more important things to spend money on
Living with someone who is a gambling addict is also insane you will always come second to aa bet

Takenoprisoner · 10/12/2025 09:42

snoopythebeagle · 10/12/2025 09:14

Uh, I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here - why are you wasting your life away with a gambler?

Agree. After 6 years he's never going to change. this is who he is. First, stop spending a penny more on him. Secondly, spend that money on counselling for yourself. Why are we with this loser who'll only ever drag you down?

Brendahollowayjustlookwhatyouhavedone · 10/12/2025 09:49

snoopythebeagle · 10/12/2025 09:14

Uh, I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here - why are you wasting your life away with a gambler?

I never noticed the gambling in op.
That's a big no no

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 10/12/2025 09:50

pixiegirlishere · 10/12/2025 09:21

You need to actually SAY and spell out what you expect - it’s your 40th! It IS a big deal! Don’t let it be a disappointment.

On a side note - staying with a gambler is always going to be second place for you. Money for gambling rather than ‘waste’ it on you. Are you happy with that? If so, your disappointing birthday is what you are choosing.

Why should she “SAY and spell out” what she wants though?

She managed to book a holiday for him without him having to micromanage it, he should be able to do the same. He’s a grown man.

Davros · 10/12/2025 09:57

Tight selfish git 🥾
Is gaming the same or similar to gambling? I honestly don’t know. Either way it’s a shitty way to spend time and money, I’d leave him to it

Starlight1984 · 10/12/2025 09:59

BellaBal · 10/12/2025 09:27

What a selfish cocklodging waste of a human lifeform.

I would go all sweet for now. Go to Manchester and go to the Trafford centre on a busy Saturday, the waltz him into a John Lewis and some £1k bits of jewellery make a big fuss about trying them on, pick the one that’s perfect, say how you love it and you simply have to have it, if he demurs say “oh but I spent over £1600 on -all the things you wanted for your birthday and it is Christmas and it’s my fortieth and you didn’t take me away for a break like I wanted - we stuck at the Premier Inn, and you promised to buy me a lovely gift instead . This is what I want - please please please.”

Let him try to say no to that in front of a room full people.

When you get home - go to a local John Lewis store and return the gift for vouchers and then spend on something more sensible. Tell him “oh I changed my mind, it was so expensive I didn’t feel safe wearing it but I feel like we are even now, since we basically spent the same amount in each other. And honestly, it made me SO happy that you would spoil me like that, it was the best 40th birthday I could have hoped for seeing as we didn’t manage to get away for a break. Thank you sweetie for being so lovely.”

Brazen win.

It's not really a "brazen win" if he's skint because he's gambled all his wages away. He would end up putting it on a credit card and racking up debt which will just make everything 10 times worse (especially if they live together).

OP, to be honest he sounds crap. Doesn't want to treat you for your birthday because he would rather gamble? Is that the behaviour of someone who loves you?

DPotter · 10/12/2025 09:59

You know whatever happens in Manchester, you won't be getting a Christmas present too.

I sincerely hope you are not planning on spending a lot on him for Christmas.

Like others I think you need to give some very serious consideration to any plans to spend your life with a gambler. You sound like a kind & generaous person - him not so much

hattie43 · 10/12/2025 09:59

I’d be more worried about the gaming than the gifts .

RightSheSaid · 10/12/2025 10:00

Either he's trying to wind up, or he's serious. TBH, I'd du.p him regardless. Your not married. You didn't mention kids. You'll never have nothing if he's wasting money gaming online. It's better to cut your losses and spend your ££££ on yourself.

Bettyfromlondon · 10/12/2025 10:01

At the risk of sounding harsh, this man just does not deserve you.
40 is a great age to reinvent your life.
Warm wishes and good luck!

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 10/12/2025 10:01

He's too committed to gambling to be a decent partner imo.. You have already wasted 6 years..... Ltb..

Gamerlady · 10/12/2025 10:04

Your post gave me the ick , you splashed out on your partner and treated him like a king! Now its your turn he's giving lots of excuses and about to ruin your special day.

Whether holidays are expensive in December is not the point , he should have organised this a lot sooner than the last minute he is doing. He sounds extremely selfish and not putting you as priority.

Lastly he is a gambler and more than likely putting more effort into that and has limited funds. Id be rethinking the relationship as this is a deal breaker for me.

JudgeBread · 10/12/2025 10:06

Mate come on. You paid for a long weekend in Greece and he's taking you to a premier Inn and the fucking Trafford centre, I'd not be disappointed I'd be fuming.

It's not materialistic to want your partner to prioritise you over his gambling habits, nor is it materialistic to want equal effort from your partner. You've rolled over every step of the way here when you should've been pushing back on his lazy, tight fisted ways.

HelloCheekyCat · 10/12/2025 10:14

Is he the one who spends £500 a month on online slots and.didn't want to go to Poland?
Please just stop flogging the dead horse and get rid, you are wasting your life with him

Starlight1984 · 10/12/2025 10:18

OP you posted a few weeks ago that you had booked a weekend in Poland... And that you had a night in London booked at Christmas?

And you said you were 27?!

Tontostitis · 10/12/2025 10:22

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

Rubbish. He's being very mean and OP is upset by his behaviour your lovely equal footing is totally unhelpful and irrelevant

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 10:25

He has double the amount of wages that I have but he wastes money on online gaming

Why are you wasting your life and 40th in a shitty Premier Inn in manchester with a gambler....! 😱😱😱😱

Honestly cancel it ask for your half of the £££ for holiday you took him on and book something like this

https://www.flashpack.com/deals/

Then break up with the loser....

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Lidre · 10/12/2025 10:28

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

This is absolutey right and the way my marriage was. Some years the gift might be £££ , one-year I got DH a coconut for Christmas, but this is clearly not the kind of relationship OP has.

Sabrinatheblue · 10/12/2025 10:31

ohitssnowww · 10/12/2025 09:13

We have been together 6 years now.
I would of loved somewhere warm but we have a big holiday planned for next June so I was happy with Dublin.
He has asked for a list of what I want for Christmas and he said he will pick a few things off that and give me spending money in Manchester.
I know Manchester will come around and he will say he’s skint so il be lucky to get £40

If you know this is what he'll do, and he's already shown himself to be comfortable to ask for big expenses from you whilst pushing back against giving you the same fair treatment why are you with him?

Its not about the money, its that he clearly expects you to prioritise his wishes and wants but doesn't deem you worthy of the same treatment.

Kingsleadhat · 10/12/2025 10:41

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

I think that's the point though. He's not interested in doing anything thoughtful or kind or what she wants to do, he's interested in saving money. It's tight fisted, mean spirited and not at all kind

CombatBarbie · 10/12/2025 10:45

Cynic17 · 10/12/2025 09:10

I have been married for over 30 years. I don't think I have ever once worked out what he spent versus what I spent - we both just buy something we think the other one would like, whether it costs £20 or £200.

OP, it just doesn't matter! If you are kind to each other, you're sorted.

But it is though. He had clear expectations for his 40th and got it. The op had clear expectations and has been thrown crumbs because hed rather spend his money gambling.

Wishimaywishimight · 10/12/2025 10:47

Doesn't his penny-pinching, miserable, joyless spirit not make you go right off him?

You've stuck with Scrooge for 6 years - give yourself the best 40th present ever and treat yourself to a week in the sun over Christmas (and leave him behind in 2025).

Shoxfordian · 10/12/2025 10:54

He doesn't care about you or consider you at all
Tell him to forget the trip, the presents and the relationship

BunnyMcDougall · 10/12/2025 10:57

You are never going to win with a man who has a gambling addiction. LTB before he drags you (and your financial goals) down with him.

SparkleSpriteDust · 10/12/2025 10:58

'he wastes money on online gaming.'

I would have been out the door as soon as this became apparent.

I hope he can find a way to stop this.

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