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Original poster

AIBU? Racist partner

40 replies

omgno222 · 04/10/2025 09:34

I’m gonna make this short as I can. .

I have a 7 year old boy from a previous relationship. My boy is mixed race (I am white his daddy is full Jamaican)

my partner who I’ve been with a while now and we have a son together who is 1 has slowly turned into a complete monster. Being very cruel to me. Name calling. Put downs. Threats. Honestly I don’t know who he is. I called the relationship off and was glad he still had his own house to go back to.

anyway… he has shown a lot of jealousy over my 7 year old lately and I find it very alarming another reason I’ve left him. My 7 year old does ALOT of football which me and his dad commit to and has recently been noticed at such a young age and be refered to an academy which were so so proud about.
my now ex partner said “he’ll never make it as a footballer sorry to piss on your Parade” honestly absolutely vile. My son would be heartbroken if he knew what he said.

anyway the big blow is… yesterday he refered to him as “the black one” honestly I hate him and all my love has just gone. My poor boy. Luckily my boy doesn’t know.

he’s told me if I don’t let him in his sons life me and the baby will be dead to him. Honestly he’s gone above and beyond.

I don’t want him to see the baby now or be in my house. Am I right?
this is just a small snippet of the abuse.

OP posts:
BruisedNeckMeat · 04/10/2025 10:27

Vile man - you’re well rid of him.

What is your relationship like with older son’s dad? I’d be tempted to make sure he was aware of the racist remarks made towards his son….

ginasevern · 04/10/2025 10:59

DaisyChain505 · 04/10/2025 09:50

Sounds like you yourself may be using a bit of racial stereotyping there by suggesting this man is more than likely fatherless because he’s Jamaican because what other detail in the OP is given about this man?

Edited
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The man in question is white. He is the new partner and father to the OP's young baby. It is the father of her 7 year old that is Jamaican. If it was the Jamaican father he'd be highly unlikely to call his own son "the black one".

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:49

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:47

It isnt about fault. It is about stopping him and ensuring that his mother is known as the creator of a horrific racist will get him to consider whether he should endanger her safety or back off.

If the mum is decent, she will be so horrified by her son that she will put the utmost pressure on him to stop what he is doing.

Racism is bred in the home though.

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Stop. Blaming. Women. For. The. Actions. Of. Awful. Men.

It is astounding that you don't blame is father. You need a very long period of quiet reflection about your misogynistic views.

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:50

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:49

The mother (this person is likely fatherless) raised a racist son. You don't become racist if you are raised in an anti-racist home. He learned this from his caregivers. He is a product of her environment.

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he had a father.

Push off with your vile misogynistic bullshit. It is not required here (or anywhere)

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:51

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 09:55

I would do exactly this

Well done to your oldest, that sounds amazing. I can barely kick a ball without falling over!

This man is a threat to your children. Both of them. I think you need to do everything within your power to keep him away from them.

As an aside, I heard somewhere that for a not insignificant amount of white men, they see a woman who has been with a black man as being 'spolied'

Looking back now, I imagine you can recall a lot of red flags in his treatment of you.

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another misogynist. Well done

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 12:10

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:49

Stop. Blaming. Women. For. The. Actions. Of. Awful. Men.

It is astounding that you don't blame is father. You need a very long period of quiet reflection about your misogynistic views.

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My belief is that the father is not on the scene. Either way, the son is far more likely to be moved to protect his mother.

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 12:11

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:50

he had a father.

Push off with your vile misogynistic bullshit. It is not required here (or anywhere)

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A father who likely is not there for him to need to protect.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 12:16

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 11:51

another misogynist. Well done

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Are you calling me a misogynist? If so, why?

BauhausOfEliott · 04/10/2025 12:33

he’s told me if I don’t let him in his sons life me and the baby will be dead to him

This would be by far the best thing for you and both of your children. I wouldn’t want this man anywhere near either child.

notatinydancer · 04/10/2025 14:36

LoftyRobin · 04/10/2025 09:40

I'd call his mum and tell her what her son is like and ask her how she raised such a vile piece of shit. I'd publicise his picture and take recordings (especially of the racism) and put it on social media, every site. Full name and everything. He won't be able to leave his house.

Blame his mum ? He’s not 5. He’s an adult

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 16:31

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 12:16

Are you calling me a misogynist? If so, why?

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why should OP call his mum? it is not her fault her son is a racist.
That is a misogynist position to have: that women are at fault for men's stupid attitudes

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 04/10/2025 16:33

Why are you referring to him as your partner? He’s anything but.

WaltzingWaters · 04/10/2025 16:35

I think you and your baby being dead to him would be nothing but good. What a relief. You don’t want him filling the baby’s head (as he grows up) with racist crap.

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2025 16:50

Why on earth does this horrendous, racist fuckwit have any access at all to your house?

Stop letting him in if that's what you are doing.Get the locks changed if he has a key, then don't let him in again. You aren't protecting your children from him if you do, and you don't want to be complicit in this shit.

Surely him cutting you and the baby out of his life would be the very best result here for you and BOTH of your children so I would take him up on that. He can take you to court for access to his son if he can be arsed.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/10/2025 17:07

SirBasil · 04/10/2025 16:31

why should OP call his mum? it is not her fault her son is a racist.
That is a misogynist position to have: that women are at fault for men's stupid attitudes

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Confused Thinking GIF

Ohh okay 😭

Well she should call his dad too 🤷‍♀️

Call his whole family and shame them all!!!!!

Disagree with the pp who said that his racism is because he must not have a father

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