Ok am now a bit fed up with FIL

[Parentsinlaw]

Father in law staying with us since he had a stent in his heart, mouthed in law in a home 500 miles away. She says she wants to move to be near us, but comes up with zillions of excuses why not.
DH and I arguing . I want FIL to be happy etc. but I am Fucked off that he is stilll living with us. He has bought a house nearby thanks to DH but I am so over being dragged into this . It’s taking up to much of my. Brain.
im also Fucked off because when my mum had Alzheimer’s DH was too busy at a new job, nasty redundancy to let me see my mum.

Can you do a swapsie and move into your fils house?

fil is now 100% your husband's responsibility. do not lift a finger to help.

Thanks. That’s how I feel - that it’s up to DH. But guess what! I work from home. So guess who makes lunch / snacks / arranges doctors etc. and regular exercise classes. So my week is suddenly built around fil.week.
DH just said I should tell fil he should move out tomorrow.which seems a bit manipulative.wwyd?

I love you ladychillT

Why can’t he talk to his father? Just say “no” and have to work in the office for a few weeks.

Have you the option to work elsewhere for a few weeks, be busy in the evenings, weekends?

Yes I can hide out in the spare room, but I feel like I shouldn’t need to. FIL has his stuff over the living room table. He wears a red jacket that is hung neatly over the chair. In many ways he is very nice,I get that, but I still don’t want him in our house. Mainly because son is 17 and will be in uni in September

Presumably your FIL is only staying with you to recover from his operation? Do you have a time frame for him to move into his new house? If it's for a couple of months, I'd suck it up and make sure DP steps up to do his fair share - he can make FIL a flask of tea and a sandwich and leave it covered for his lunch, before he leaves for work. Or is FIL capable of making his own?

Your husband sounds like a wet wipe, this is HIS father HE needs to tell him not you.
I would explain how the unfairness of your previous situation is now making you feel resentful so he needs to step up and actually be a fucking adult about his own parents.

What do you mean that your DH didn't let you see your mum?

Did you post a month or so ago as well? You need to disengage. So mil lives away, in their house, or ‘a home’ eg care home? How are the two homes funded? If they are wealthy, can’t he pay for care? Re you looking after him and arranging stuff, just don’t do it. Your DH can do it. And yes, what do you mean he wouldn’t let you see your mum?

This is what I was going to say.

No he should.

Pack up, tell him you're going to stay in FILs house until he's got it all sorted and do it.

Nothing will change otherwise OP.

Thanks everyone! We now Have A Plan, so fingers crossed
thanks for your support, I sure needed a moan!