How to find therapy for my 11-year-old?

[jjabbrammms]

My DS (age 11) is increasingly anxious. We moved two years ago and, since then, he’s gained weight and become scared of things. On his birthday he was weeping because he was afraid to do the activity (that he chose). He is TERRIFIED of insects, like wont go near them, cries if you show him photos.

He told me that sometimes the kids at school run away from him. He also has a sort of nervous habit (developed since we moved) where he bites his hands over and over and over.

He starts secondary school in September and I really want to fix this for him before then.

Before we moved, he was a very happy child but never liked school much and was never good at making friends. His friends were (still are) the kids whose mums I’m friends with!

He isn’t neurodivergent, but my family has a lot of inherited trauma and anxiety. When I was a teenager, I struggled with OCD and it was hell on earth and I had no help and no support.

I want to get him a therapist but truly don’t know where to start. I googled them, they’re very expensive - like £150 an hour - and I can’t keep that up for long.

Any advice? I am heartbroken for him. He’s a really amazing kid and I don’t want him to start secondary and for everything to get worse as he hits puberty.

Can you contact school? Ask if they have any pastoral support or counselling available.

Also keep an eye on your own anxiety. You can’t fix other people - not even your kids, and there might be a possibility that you can’t fix this for him - at all or before high school. If you feel anxious or heartbroken about that, please seek help for yourself - any help you get is going to rub off on him in a great way too!

Where abouts are you and what kind of therapist have you been searching for? £150 seems very steep where I am. Have you looked on the UKCP or BACP websites?

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/

This organisation are worth a try - they might be able to help you identify local subsidised counselling services, and charities that work with young people who are struggling with anxiety and isolation.

Can you get help from CAHMs? I know the waiting lists are soooo long but they are supposed to give help for a range of mental health problems for young people.

We live in London, and our income is high enough that we wouldn’t fall under any low-income band and get lower rates from therapists, but we’re not rich enough that we can afford ongoing therapy at £150+. I found one that had amazing reviews but was £185 an hour (!).

Also, he isn’t a child of concern at school. He is just a quiet, often friendless child who does well academically and is not on any CAHMS radar. He hides his phobias and fears from anyone but us. When I’ve asked his teacher how to help him as he’s unhappy, she says she doesn’t know.

I will look up Young Minds, thank you!

I do get a lot of therapy myself. My anxiety is a work-in-progress! I was always good at reading people and making friends, though, which my son is much less able to do.

I have used a therapist for my dd who was recommended to me by a friend. She'd had a particular problem and the therapist worked with her over 1 or 2 sessions. My dd was struggling to sleep due to anxious thoughts. We had about 5 sessions with her online. I think she was about £90 a session. I can dig her details out and dm if you are interested.