Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

What's a cat's favourite color?
Purrrrple.

(probably only funny if you're 4)

Me too! I tried to explain this to someone once and they thought I was mad.

😂 my new favourite joke

Two nuns are driving down a country road in the dark. Suddenly a vampire jumps out on them and lands on the car. Nun 1 says to nun 2 'quick show him your cross' . So nun 2 rolls down the window and yells 'oy, fang-face get off my bonnet!'

How did the man drown in a bowl of cereal?

A strong currant pulled him under.

I'm so frustrated with my mates, they keep slagging me off saying my new girlfriend isnt real.

Well, the jokes on them cos they aren't real either....

Why did the guy get fired from the Tickle me Elmo factory?
Because he gave every Elmo ten test tickles

Why was the beach wet?

'Cos the sea weed.

I worked in a furniture repair factory and a colleague had to have a lot of time off sick after he fell into the automatic reupholstering machine.
Thankfully, he's recovered now.

I've just finished writing my autobiography; but I couldn't find any reams of standard A4, so I printed it on to fly paper.
That's my story - and I'm sticking to it.

What do you call a fish wearing a tuxedo?

So-FISH-ticated.

Why do Norwegians put barcodes on the bottom of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can scan de Navy in.

How does a non binary samurai kill people?

They slash them.

Oh and my very favourite…

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Ones really heavy and the others a little lighter.

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

😂😂😂

Where do pirates buy their hook from?
the second hand shop.

Is diarrhoea inherited?
yes because it runs in your genes/jeans.

Why didn’t one nurse find the other nurse’s joke funny?
She had an irony deficiency

What does a recently octogenarian pirate go around saying all the time?

"Aaaaah, matey!!!"

A stack of loo role fell on me in Tesco's.
No real harm done - just soft tissue damage.

What’s worse than lobsters in your piano?

Crabs on your organ.

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

"This is my daughter, Beth?"

"Nice to meet you, Beth. And what is Beth short for?"

"Because she's only two."

A man is blue-lighted to hospital and his wife goes in to visit him soon after.

The doctor says "I'm going to be very honest with you, Mrs Smith, I really don't like the look of your husband at all."

She replies "No, neither do I - he's always been a right ugly old minger... but he does most of the housework and he's lovely with the children."

Not sure where the random question mark came from in the first line?!

A man goes to the doctor because he's recently started constantly doing the eggiest, most putrid, eye-watering farts - none of his friends want to be near him anymore and his wife has made him sleep in the shed.

The doctor instantly says, "Right then, first things first!" and he goes to the corner of the room and picks up a chunky 10 foot long wooden pole.

The man is absolutely terrified and screams "What are you going to do with that?!"

The doctor replies "I'm going to open all the windows, of course!"

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Well one of em is lucky