Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken!!

This always makes me laugh but you have to say it in a really really strong Brummie accent.

What goes " ooo"?

A cow with no lips

Following on from:
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the sea? Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea who gets to shore? Clever Dick!

They say no man is an island.

Well, what about the Isle of Mann?

This is from the same family of my earlier joke on this thread which went down like a lead balloon 🤣
there’s also:
what do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
Warren…
🐇🐇

I love the duck joke! Used to tell ot to people just to see the utter confusion on their faces.

How's that funny it's horrible.

@DistressedDamson my Dad used to tell the Higher the fewer one... he would have been 100 on Saturday!

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
it was stuck to the chicken’s foot

Warning - not very PC

Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She didn't have any arms

You follow this up with:
Knock knock
(Who's there?)
Not Sally

I bloody love that herbal tea joke! I got into a lift at work once with Benedict Cumberbatch and he was drinking herbal tea! so I told it to him. I like to think he was pretty excited about it but I can't actually remember.

An old lady asked me if I could see her across the road. I said hang on, I’ll run over and have a look.

How did the cheese cross the road.... Caerphilly

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror...Halloumi

I have to admit, I don't get the duck one either. One of its legs is both the same?

I don't get it. 😕

😂

Why did the pig go to the pharmacy? To get some oinkment.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel on a bicycle really necessary?

A young man goes into a shop that sells timepieces and asks to buy a potato clock.
The manager has never heard of these, so asks the man what one is used for.
The man shrugs and says "I dunno. I've just got my first job and I have to be there for 9am sharp each day, so my mum told me I'd need to get
a potato clock."

This is actually the best joke of all time

Man walks into a pub with a giraffe, after a couple of pints the giraffe passes out.
Later the landlord walks in and says 'who left that lying there'. The man says that's not a lion it's a giraffe.

A lion goes into a bar and asks for "a pint....................................of lager please"

The barman says "what's with the big pause"

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "what's with the long face".

I saw a magic tractor driving down the road. Then it turned into a field.

I applied for a job at a rural blacksmiths and they asked if I had any experience in shoeing horses.
I sad "None... but I did once tell an annoying sheep that followed me through a field to F-off."

Warwick Davis was the victim of a pick-pocket and it went to court.
The judge shook her head and said she wondered how anybody could stoop so low.

The patron saint of not being in love is St Francis of 10CC.

My DD has just started Reception and is the youngest in her year, but she's really struggling with her modern languages lessons. She doesn't even know how to say "please" in Spanish - which I think is poor for four.

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen

Is it past the watershed 😉

What's pink and hangs out of men's trousers?
Their feet.

A white horse goes into a bar and the barmaid says "What a coincidence - we sell a whisky named after you!"
The horse replies "Wow, there's a whisky called Percy?!"