Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

What is a fortification?

Two twentifications.

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tit a lot!

What do the star ship enterprise and Andrex toilet paper have in common???
Answer: they both circle Uranus looking for Klingons 😂😂

Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says 'do you know how to drive this thing?'

One snowman says to the other: Can you smell carrots?

I literally laughed out loud, gonna use that one tomorrow

Am I the only one who doesn't understand this?

Is the word "fishing" missing from the sentence?

What time does Saun Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft
Love that tea joke. I lived with two actual real live members of a communist party once, they loved that joke as well.
I like that Airplane one. When Leslie Neilsons character says " That's correct but dont call me Ashley". I use it when people use actually in a sentence at work all the time.
I'm so old.

Someone stole my limbo stick…
honestly, low can people go?

Why was the pie waiting on the corner?

Coz it was meat and potato (meat ‘n’ potato… meeting potato…. its all in the delivery)

The police burst into a downstairs flat, where there was an orgy and drug dealing going on and they arrested everyone.

They ran upstairs to find a man with his penis in a bowl of custard.

The police officer said, "What the hell are YOU doing????"

The man replied, "Due to everything going on downstairs, I'm fucking dis custard".

🤣🤣

… and an old Bob Monkhouse classic: When I was growing up I told everyone I wanted to be a comedian. How they laughed! Well they’re not laughing now!…

In a field full of cows how can you tell which one is on holiday? The one with a wee calf.

I don't know why but I love this joke lol

Bad bloke joke i heard today but made me lol.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea

I wouldn't spend £200 for a lentil on my face.

Did you hear about that kidnapping outside the local primary school?

A teacher had to come and wake him up!

I asked my husband the other day if he'd seen the cat bowl. He said 'I didn't even know he could"

Statistically 82% of people really struggle with maths. Luckily I'm in the other 37%.

Me too! Oops - I noticed I put a typo in it. 'one OF its legs', obvs.

Oh I remembered two other favourites!

Why is theft in multistorey car parks such a problem?
Because it's wrong on so many levels.

Why is it so hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac?
Because they take things literally.

What do you do if your nose goes on strike?

Pick it

I was about 6 when I was told this and didn't fully get it until I was older....then I was able to chuckle again!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Europe!
Europe who?
No, YOU’RE a poo!

Don't you think it's an astonishing coincidence that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's Disease?

@DistressedDamson it reads rod and a net maybe,??

Why isn't a koala considered to be a bear?
Because it doesn't have the right koalafications.

I went to a chicken restaurant yesterday

and all of the other diners were old ladies who were asleep.

Nandoze