Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

What's the difference between toilet roll and a curtain?........ahh so it WAS you.

Surely you can’t be serious?
I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley

Why did the lion get lost in the jungle?

Because the Junglist massive.

Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet! 👻

Q: What goes: "Bellow bellow, can I have a soup bowl, please?"
A: A bull in a china shop.

Knock knock
whos there
dishes
dishes who?
dishes Sean Connery

I laugh so much even when I say it - it’s ridiculous (to sound like “this is Sean Connery” in his unique accent)

Why are Roman Centurions so tired in April

Because they have just had a 31 day march

Me too! Most people just look at me blankly if I tell it.... 😂

What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker face.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
Bob.

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat'em all.

I don't get the duck one...
I often don't get jokes though

Did you hear about the new mummy found in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate? They’ve called it Pharaoh Rocher

2 sausages in a pan. One says to the other “cor it’s hot in here”, the other one says “f*ck me a talking sausage!”

Are we all mid 80s teenagers? I know it too and I wonder if it was in a TV show then?

How do you tell a chicken to go away? Fck off! (say it out loud)

A man is at the cinema when a woman and her dog come in and sit beside him. Half way through the movie the dog says, 'This movie is terrible'. Shocked, the man says, 'I can't believe your dog said that'. 'I know', replied the woman, 'He loved the book'.

Good ole Billy Connolly

What's yer star sign
Ah Sagittarius,
Half man, half horse
Licenced to shit in the street

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's the chicken, let me in!

Why does Edward Woodward have four Ds?
Because if he didn't he'd be Ewar Woowar

Makes me laugh every time.

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

🤣🤣 Love this

I rehomed my local blacksmith's dog. I took it home and it made a bolt for the door.

My dog has been accused of chasing people on a bike. I know it's not true as he hasn't got a bike.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep. Rocket 😂

I was in the supermarket earlier and a man started throwing all the cheese, milk and yogurt.

How dairy! (Dare he)

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck.

What do you call a blind reindeer?
No idea.

What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

Guilty as charged! Born in 1971.