Utterly stupid jokes that always make you laugh

[BluesandClues]

Why are the pixies banned from pharmacy? They’re on apixiban!

It’s such a stupid joke, but it always makes me giggle.

I went to the zoo but the only animal they had was a small dog.
it was a shitzu

Never heard that one before 😂

Two nuns in a bath
‘wheres the soap’ says one
‘yes it does’ says the other

What's yellow with black triangles? Shark infested custard...

When is a door not a door?
wheb it’s ajar

The man who invented predictive texting died today.
His funfair is next monkey.
May he rust in piss.

My wife draws on her eyebrows too high
When I told her she looked surprised!

Q: And what do you call a reindeer with no eyes, no legs and no genitalia?
A: Still no fucking idea.

Three old ladies in a park
old lady 1 ”its Windy today”
old lady 2 “no its not its Thursday”
old lady 3 “so am I lets go and have a drink”

i loved this joke when i was young!

also
what was the last thing to go thru the fly’s mind as it hit the windscreen?
its bum

why did the chicken cross the playground?
to get to the other slide

To the person who invented zero: thanks for nothing

To the person who invented auto correct: may he burn in hello

If it's in that bad a state I might call it venison. 😁

🥇🤣

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Microwave it until its bill withers.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers today, but I couldn’t see any

@LunaNorth thanks this really made me lol

Two guys are walking in the jungle by a river and see a mans head sticking out of a crocodile, one turns to the other and says look at that flash twat in his lacoste sleeping bag.

What do misers do when it’s cold?
Sit round a candle
What do they do when it’s freezing?

Light it

Didn't get it:(

Didn't get it:(

nope.
2 things which might be in a boat could be ‘a rod’ and ‘a net’. That’s it.
It’s a variation of “man with a seagull on his head“.
No one has ever questioned it when said out loud (and I’ve even had the odd groan and “very good”)…so maybe it doesn’t translate to the written word.
it’s perhaps more of a play on words.
However, the noise of the tumble weed is deafening so I think I’ll get my coat and order an Uber for one 😳

edited to close bracket (and the door on my way out…)

How do you know someone is a vegan?

They'll tell you 😬

Seriously? They’re on ‘a-pixie-ban’.
its a type of medication you’d get from a pharmacy

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

This has made me laugh since I was about 5 years old 😂

The duck one is just a really silly one. My grandad used to tell the same. He also had:
q: “why is a mouse when it spins?
a: the higher the fewer”

😂😂