Labour to introduce Cheese Tax

[DadJoke]

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

😂😂 😂

Let me guess, Starmer's declared a donation of two packets of Cathedral City Vintage and one of Lincolnshire Poacher.

Liz Truss will go mad.

Oh, wait a minute: she already is.

That's it, I'm leaving the country

Boden stripey tops will be taxed at an additional 10% VAT, along with mom jeans and nice tops. Rumours of extra duty on Prosecco have not yet been verified.

Who have you 'heard' this from?

Panicked for a second!

Grommet will be devastated

Fake news surely.

A Mr M Maus of the National Cheesemakers' Society. Of course he's not mentioned how the previous incumbent received 78% of the entire fecking Davidstow Factory every Friday Afternoon...

😁

This makes me think of Monty Python's cheese shop sketch. 😂

They’re also planning on introducing a social media charge. 1p for every post on an internet forum, 5p for a Facebook post and £1 for a tweet.

Dear God, that will unite the LibDem and Labour luvvies against Starmer! They will take to the wine bars!

UnBrieLievable!

School uniforms for Private Schools (not State though) will be VATed. Dorsnt matter if you get it at Asda or Harrods... They Will Know

Tweets must be paid for using crypto, though

I've long thought the National Debt could be wiped out by some sort of autotax on annoying words and phrases. I suggest 'like' except when used in a sensible context. So:

I like Marmite - no tax
She sprinted like a greyhound - no tax
So I'm like, what? and he's like ... - much, much tax

Also, 'so' at the beginning of a sentence for no reason.

I pay enough cheese tax to the dog without them robbing sods having some tooshakes fist

I heard that tattoos will be taxed , with a levy per visible SqCm paid to the government.

Double for appearing on the BBC in reality TV shoes and Masterchef .

I know someone high-up in the British Cheese Board (this is a real thing) and they were talking to a civil servant they knew in the Treasury, and that's what they said. I also did an FOI request, which I sent to a journalist at the Mail, but they weren't interested..

Liz said it best

This is genius 😂

Crackers!

MN posts that duplicate threads already created to be charged at £100 a time. Swingeing tax also to be charged on posts that quote the OP and just add 'Yes'.