Labour to introduce Cheese Tax

[DadJoke]

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

No whey!

Crackers!

( and chutney and a nice crisp British apple please)

Urgh even the mention of Labour is grating

And in breaking news Heinz have announced that in order to avoid any possibility of tin tax all baked beans will now be sold in biodegradable paper bags.

I don’t know how Labour curd do this!

If duty on Malborough Lights goes any higher, I will have to resort to tearing up literary classics (George Orwell is for the chop) and using those instead. Anyhoo, can't talk... off to lather myself in duty free Dairylea spread.

I think they have done it very Caerphilly. Sneaky sods.

You can’t tax - pan-eer- it’s a meat substitute. Would be completely racist and discriminatory. Nor mozzarella - it would offend the EU. In fact, coming to think of it you can only tax the homegrown stuff! So goodie-luck.
Veganism is woke, anti competitive and fake cheese is ultra processed. Like sausages.

Or the one about the dead Norwegian Danish Blue.

Wasn't it 'blessed are the cheesemakers'?

Wasn't it 'blessed are the cheesemakers'?

Well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally: it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

You can’t trust George Orwell - he went to Hogwarts like Boris.

Stop it..you'll give them ideas.

You know one of their donors is a vegan food manufacturer.

That one actually made me lol

This is all beginning to make sense. Dale Vince gives £5m to Labour, lobbies them secretly for a cheese tax and then reaps the rewards.

No, they'll tax cheese to discourage people from eating it. A la Sugar Tax.

Damaging UK farmers in the process.

I've heard there will be an asset tax on odd socks. Pairs will be immune but careless loss of socks will be heavily punished.

They are also going to nationalise all the buses and introduce and extra charge for sitting down

The Festival Circuit will go broke within the first 22 minutes.

Add on a tax on mud or using dodgy smelling blue toilets and it'll be even quicker.

Isn't The Cheese Tax something they passed around to each other in the Diary of A Wimpy Kid books?

Can I add 'literally and 'obsessed' to your lovely list. All the silly influences would be skint in a week.

any Household with a piece of furniture that has more seats than the number of occupants in the house will incur a charge under the “furniture taxation law”. This is for any furniture that is deemed to promote excessive lounging.

Also a tax on ambient noise - you are allowed a daily personal noise quota and if you exceed this quota, you are taxed. These noises include loud laughter, children having fun outside, dogs barking, shouting etc. Read a few threads where this would be quite popular haha!

thank you all for some laughter this evening - myself and DP have had lots of fun reading them and coming up with our own!

I will not be POUTINE up with this!!!!!

They’re only taxing it in private schools.

All fun and games but given the at-mo-sphere, I pray for p-heese. Above all else. Amen to that

There's already a cheese tax, he can't be introducing another!
https://youtube.com/shorts/N_Nb8WsH5WY?si=yPRa5pHQT1z3aMUr