Labour to introduce Cheese Tax

[DadJoke]

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

The way things are going, anyone who is paying their way into an early grave is probably doing us all a favour. Nursing home fees cost an absolute mint and the unclaimed state pensions are certainly worth a bob or two. You need to think more laterally and point at things that aren't taxed already: fresh air, fun, singing, dancing, walking on the pavements.

Cheese tax? That's going to grate.

Laughing, giggling, cracking jokes and babies crying - all ripe for taxation if you ask me. If you've got time to laugh or cry, you can pay a bit more tax.

I heard they are taxing control top leggings next. It's definitely true -- it's on Twitter! I'm emigrating to Dubai.

They’re one step ahead of you - 75% tax on all assets when someone emigrates. 110% tax on immigration.

Shame that the OBR WILL NOT sign off on your cheese tax.

Get your hands off my cheese, Starmer.
It's my cheese.
Na-cho cheese.

Control top leggings! NO! That’s it, the line has been crossed. As soon as it stops drizzling I’m taking the doors off and making a barricade on the road. Will probably set fire to some furniture too (not mine). Who’s in?

How Dairy!

Based on the rhetoric about the sick and disabled so far, I confidently expect a tax on wheelchairs, crutches and walking sticks.

Cheesus Christ!!

He can fuck off if he thinks he getting his grubby paws on my Gorge-ous Cheddar!!

Oh how I wish I’d said that !!

I heard Starmer's going to introduce a tax on home educating your children. Also on dreadlocks and houmous.

Cheese tax? What? That's just typical of Starmer and his total hypocrisy. They are all the same, piggy noses in the cheesey trough. I bet they try and blame it on Boris Johnson. Bet you are regretting your vote now.

(etc etc etc until brain turns to actual cheese.... )

It’s Gouda be awful if they start taxing our cheese. Unbrielivable.

I heard they are going to tax certain names. If you call your kids Mungo and Ottolie you will have to pay £500, Charlotte and Arthur £250, but if you call them Jaxon and Chloe Mae you get an exemption.

It won't be applied retrospectively though.

For the Fail not to be interested this really must be a non-story. And I hate to break it to you but the BCB hasn't existed since 2015. It became part of Dairy UK and my mate Sophie (Comms Director) describes your post as utter pish

Switzerland is the capital of cheese, do not be cheesed off!

There's this week's think-tank report that claims we have been in a bear market for so long that trying some more grass roots, holistic measures to help encourage things out of the sluggish conditions could be very successful.

They recommend that each time the House meets, they all join hands and go "Cam-em-bert....Cam-em-bert..."

@TheYearOfSmallThings Fortunately Balonz will be grandfathered in under transitional arrangements.

It's a traditional Surrey exemption.

I think they should think very Caerphilly about this.

Where can I buy reality TV shoes?
😂

Are you and Sophie sometimes a bit slow to notice when someone is making stuff up for fun and without the intention that it should be believed?

Ha!

I think the joke went pasteurise!
Chapeau!