Labour to introduce Cheese Tax

[DadJoke]

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

I wouldn't be surprised. I am struggling to see how my life is better under the labour government and have yet to come up with something.

B&Q have refused to facilitate a tacks tax

I want to introduce a tax on puns!

I heard they were going to change their methods of calculation, and revise both the time frame and growth forecasts. Also, they're going to reverse the Conservative"s decision to exclude the Bank of England's debt from the Government's own debt figure. Which would leave us with billions of surplus.

But they won't, because they're ideologically as wedded to austerity as the Tories.

Also, charging people using fossil fuel powered transport by weight, because of the extra fuel used.

Less strikes?

Ok but isn’t cheese tax the bit of cheese you have to “pay” to your dog whenever you have cheese and biscuits to stop said canine being annoying while you try to eat cheesy snacks while watching some crime drama where you have to concentrate to avoid missing clues?

DDog will be very annoyed if the cheese tax goes to the government and not the dogs of Britain, or maybe the dogs are all tax collectors now.

This is 100% true, they haven't ruled out a Cheese Tax, it is definitely happening.

If we were still in the EU, they have strong laws against taxing cheese (thanks to the French) so this is just another Brexit benefit we can now enjoy.

Cheese Tax- big fall-out from that, lots of de brie

Should be taxing tobacco more, alcohol more, and vapes as well as those earning £100,000+, and anyone with more than two properties.

I’ve not paid much cheese tax since my crabby old ginger cat died. Looks like bleak times chez FussyPud.

😂

If they do introduce it, they'll have to do caerphilly.

This must be a joke surely
it would be sugar
and UPF

It will upset the dogs. Everyone knows that they currently are in charge of levying the cheese tax.

My dog is on board with the cheese tax. She'd love 20 percent.

Sing it with me!

I'll be bricking up one of my cheese hatches now, and I suspect many others will follow suit.

Hard cheddar on the Chancellor for that idea!

Will this tax apply to the Big Cheese as well?

Cat tax: 10.8 million in the UK, charged at £20 per annum, should raise 2.16 million. Those bird stealing fuckers need to pay their way.

Dog tax: 13 million in the UK, charged at £50 per annum, should raise 6.5 million. This allows for all the public grass they destroy and all the poo their owners leave on the pavements.

Fresh air tax: 10.45 million people living in large rural areas in the UK, charged at £100 per annum, should raise 1.04 billion. How dare anyone try and escape the corporate grind for a better life, they need to be captured and taxed ASAP.

If you're reading this Rachel Reeves and are missing a great financial mind at the treasury, fag packet maths is my calling card.

I think the joke went pasteurise!

80% of these posts are making me smile, I really want to find a pun to earn my spot. But 20% have made me gasp - no wonder we are in this mess. HOW can people be so gullible 😳

Anyway. This cheese tax is another sign of them bending their knees to the EU who are picking on us by not letting us have their cheese mongers come and work over here. They’re destroying our economy and this lot are letting them walk all over us.

Oh get you fancy pants. The rest of us can’t afford fag packet maths.

🎶 Things ... can only get cheddar ...🎶

I was looking for this!!

To be fair if you have tall kids you are already taxed on your genes. VAT on kids clothes from age 14 . I paid 20% more for my kids uniform for many years from them starting in Year 7.