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Original poster

Labour to introduce Cheese Tax

221 replies

DadJoke · 26/09/2024 19:01

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

OP posts:
Fescue · 26/09/2024 21:02

The major accountancy firms already have found a loophole in Switzerland.

Emmental cheese has lots of holes. The more cheese you have, the more holes you have. Thus, the more cheese you have, the less cheese you have. By importing more and more Emmental, selling it at greater quantities between sister companies, you can eventually declare only holes and not have to pay the cheese tax.

JanglingJack · 26/09/2024 21:08

DadJoke · 26/09/2024 19:48

I think the joke went pasteurise!

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Brilliant!

HotSource · 26/09/2024 21:08

I gather the assault on pensioners continues with a tax on Werthers Originals 😡

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Cost of living General food
NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:08

whiteroseredrose · 26/09/2024 19:10

Fake news surely.

Quite. People are taking this whey too seriously!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/09/2024 21:08

AngelinaFibres · 26/09/2024 20:59

Can I add 'literally and 'obsessed' to your lovely list. All the silly influences would be skint in a week.

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Feel free! Also, amazing, awesome and research, e.g.:

I'd like to buy some bleach please.
Awesome! We have some amazing bleach over here. Have you researched the whole thin thick bleach thing?

MurdoMunro · 26/09/2024 21:08

I actually met the Minster for Cheese once, one of the previous governments, god knows which one - one of the 30 or so after Blair and before Sunak. Had to stop him from standing on a water vole. I expect the shock of it all for him took the cheese tax idea off the table until this lot came in and found it left in a drawer. Lazy bastards, not even their idea.

Bodeganights · 26/09/2024 21:09

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/09/2024 19:18

MN posts that duplicate threads already created to be charged at £100 a time. Swingeing tax also to be charged on posts that quote the OP and just add 'Yes'.

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Multiple hundreds of pounds tax for NRTFT.

JanglingJack · 26/09/2024 21:10

Truckle off!

MurdoMunro · 26/09/2024 21:11

DadJoke · 26/09/2024 19:01

The total cheese market in the UK is £4.5bn annually. I've heard that Labour will be taxing cheese at 20%, raising almost £1bn, which will be used to fund research into vegan alternatives. As a cheese lover I strenously object.

In the spirit of other threads which speculate wildly about taxes and benefit cuts Labour will definitely introduce, tell me something you are sure Labour will put forward at the budget. Links are optional. Trust me, bro is evidence.

What about quoting the OP? Can we still afford that or have they added it to their woke agenda as well now?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/09/2024 21:13

Bodeganights · 26/09/2024 21:09

Multiple hundreds of pounds tax for NRTFT.

Show quote history

Yes!

Actually, I forgot the most lucrative one of the lot. I am old and was brought up to say: Please may I have ... I would put a massive tax on those who say instead: Can I get ...

Original poster
DadJoke · 26/09/2024 21:14

Fescue · 26/09/2024 21:02

The major accountancy firms already have found a loophole in Switzerland.

Emmental cheese has lots of holes. The more cheese you have, the more holes you have. Thus, the more cheese you have, the less cheese you have. By importing more and more Emmental, selling it at greater quantities between sister companies, you can eventually declare only holes and not have to pay the cheese tax.

Ah yes - one of those firms devised an avoidance scheme to counteract the Small Equines Tax - they called it Mascarpone.

OP posts:
NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:15

HotSource · 26/09/2024 19:16

I heard that tattoos will be taxed , with a levy per visible SqCm paid to the government.

Double for appearing on the BBC in reality TV shoes and Masterchef .

Are reality tv shoes like Dorothy's ruby slippers?
🙂

NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:18

DadJoke · 26/09/2024 19:48

I think the joke went pasteurise!

Show quote history

Oh, that was very good. Very good indeed!

SerendipityJane · 26/09/2024 21:23

People will start to make their own cheese.

Some deliberately.

quiteathome · 26/09/2024 21:23

A cheese tax. This is crackers!!

What next a tax on marbles?

Should be fine I don't have any

NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:26

schloss · 26/09/2024 20:21

A new tax on acronyms is the next suggestion.

MN would collapse!

FrauleinGreen · 26/09/2024 21:27

FatOaf · 26/09/2024 19:07

Liz Truss will go mad.

Oh, wait a minute: she already is.

Misogynist comment, to be honest. Shameful really.

Araminta1003 · 26/09/2024 21:29

I have been making my own paneer for years and sour dough too! Oh and hummus? Now what?

Will I be sent to the stocks for contrition of daring to DIY?

NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:29

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/09/2024 21:13

Yes!

Actually, I forgot the most lucrative one of the lot. I am old and was brought up to say: Please may I have ... I would put a massive tax on those who say instead: Can I get ...

Show quote history

They would be on my HMRC watchlist for life...

Araminta1003 · 26/09/2024 21:34

Time to make vodka out of homegrown potatoes.

NoEscapingMe · 26/09/2024 21:34

80smonster · 26/09/2024 19:48

Cat tax: 10.8 million in the UK, charged at £20 per annum, should raise 2.16 million. Those bird stealing fuckers need to pay their way.

Dog tax: 13 million in the UK, charged at £50 per annum, should raise 6.5 million. This allows for all the public grass they destroy and all the poo their owners leave on the pavements.

Fresh air tax: 10.45 million people living in large rural areas in the UK, charged at £100 per annum, should raise 1.04 billion. How dare anyone try and escape the corporate grind for a better life, they need to be captured and taxed ASAP.

If you're reading this Rachel Reeves and are missing a great financial mind at the treasury, fag packet maths is my calling card.

Was gonna say fresh air tax. You are giving her ideas. Please stop

NQOCDarling · 26/09/2024 21:35

F & B painted rooms. Tax raises on Reichter-scale increments for subsequent rooms. If 'romper room' is F & B'd, SS will be called

NinetyNineOrangeBalloons · 26/09/2024 21:36

Araminta1003 · 26/09/2024 21:29

I have been making my own paneer for years and sour dough too! Oh and hummus? Now what?

Will I be sent to the stocks for contrition of daring to DIY?

Not as long as you declare it to HMRC on the new Cheese Assessment Form

RightSedFred · 26/09/2024 21:38

What a grate idea.

Araminta1003 · 26/09/2024 21:38

Just realised that my homemade Kefir may be taxed too. Is it cheese or yoghurt? Could any tax specialists advise?