How do you develop inner self worth and validation?

[redtinaddict]

I am fed up always feeling like I am wanting external validation. So for example I worked so hard to lose some excess weight and the weekend I went out to buy a dress for a party and got it in the smaller size and when I tried it on and if fitted I was kind of fantasizing about how other people might see me in it and think wow, she looks great. Not that I think they would but its a little ego boosting fantasy.

If I am at the gym listening to music I got into little day dreams imagining that if I could sing like the person singing how everyone would be amazed, think I was talented and all the guys would fancy me. Its so cringey!

When I am in seminars (I'd doing a post grad) and I say something as part of the discussion I am definitely looking at the tutor and my classmates for some kind of approval or recognition rather than just being confident in what I say myself.

The flip side is when I was overweight I felt so self conscious and ashamed of my size and was always thinking how everyone would be thinking how fat I was and how I had let myself go. If I fail at something I feel like everyone will be thinking how crap I am and not want to be associated with me.

I know logically that for the most part nobody cares what I look like or what I do but I do feel like it does and that my worth is bound up in other peoples opinions of me.

How do I just get into my own space and develop inner self worth and validation?

If you can afford it I would see a psychotherapist to try and unravel the root cause of your negative core beliefs which probably come from your mother.

What you're looking for is your True Nature and Authenticity. The removal of all illusions and false identities that you have created will go a long way towards revealing the Real you!
The reason you have created these false persona's is because of fear. That fear needs to be investigated, revealed and discarded.
The good news is that you recognise this. There is something recognising that this is not the True Nature of what you are.
Something recognises that the mind is unreal and the illusions are unreal. It is not physical or psychological so it can only be spiritual.
Mindful meditation is one way of observing the unreal. The practice of being in the present moment is another. Practicing Zen whilst doing everyday chores is another. Being intune with your senses is yet another. Practicing them altogether is obviously beneficial.
Following non-dual teachers will give you an insight into Tru Nature and Authentic Self.
Teachers like
Mooji
Adyashanti
Rupert Spira
Eckart Tolle
Ramana Maharshi
Papaji
All available on you tube or books and will point you to the great unlearning

Om Shanti

Well done on the weight loss - that’s an achievement.

Someone shared this article with me recently about the inner critic, which you might find interesting OP.

https://thecreativelife.net/working-with-your-inner-critic/

Great for losing weight

However, please remember that people can still be slim & unhealthy or unfit

Be healthy & slim for your own well being first (not to impress other people)

Think healthy, positive thoughts too
Love the beauty of nature, the weather, birds, animals, plants, a daily connection to the world
Love yourself
Be thankful for what you have
Make plans for the future

Do not worry what other people think about you !

Just be more YOU !