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Original poster

Angry Shouty Parents Anonymous

230 replies

Fuckingmentalme · 18/07/2023 08:57

Are you an angry shouty parent?
Are you constantly wound up?
Are you on the edge?
Do any unexpected noises that your children emit leave you twitching? Did you fail to produce perfect children who follow you like ducklings when you're out and about? Do they instead tumble out of the car shrieking war cries? Do they shriek a lot? Do they laugh in libraries? Do you have a large living room with plenty of space yet the children choose to sit practically on top of each other to do any activity and then each claim the other is annoying them?Do they ask you endless hypothetical questions? Do they repeat your answers driving you to the brink of insanity? Do they fight constantly?

If so then I do not have the answer but I am sick* of being angry and shouty. It makes me feel unwell. I want to stop today. *I'm inviting other ASPs to join me who also wish to stop. We can check in on each other and generally be nice and supportive.

I plan to separate or distract as soon as bickering or shrieking occurs. That's my plan. That's it. Wish me luck

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 20/07/2023 21:05

noglow · 20/07/2023 20:08

I don't want to raise a child that just always does what someone else says without questioning it but my word the WHYS?! I screamed into a pillow today.

Yes that's a tricky one. We mean question other people. Deep down we want them to obey us. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 20/07/2023 21:08

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 20:05

Oh no! Feel free to have a rant if needed, I’m all ears.

Luckily today as been much better. DS slept well so I got a good stretch and woke up much calmer. And the rest of the day seems to have gone well too. DD came back from nursery in a good mood and co-operative so tea/play/shower all went without drama and DP is now settling her.

Last night however was awful, the tension cracked and I had a blazing row with DP when she was in bed. Tears, snot, accusations of life ruining, the works! Hoping when DD is asleep we can have a calm chat and change direction. We don’t seem to have held it against each other today so I don’t think he’s holding a grudge. We both know we’re under a lot of pressure with the kids, work, money, tiredness and a few other things so to be honest I’m surprised that row hasn’t happened before now.

I'm glad you've had a better day! Glad you got things off your chest with your partner too.

Oh you know just endless bickering and fighting. It was horrible. I should have started cleaning or something but I was so fatigued. I just wanted to relax but i didn't of course because of all the fucking shouting!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 20/07/2023 21:18

I have a ND teen. Shouting makes things worse...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
BlackeyedSusan · 20/07/2023 21:20

...and definitely know this.

But you know, autistic teens can push the buttons of autistic parents once too often. Blush

noglow · 20/07/2023 21:25

ISaySteadyOn · 20/07/2023 20:42

Yes, it is so frustrating. Especially when my main asks of them are basic hygiene things like brushing your teeth. Just do it! In the time they spend arguing with me over it, they could have brushed their teeth twice over.

I thought toddlers were meant to thrive on routine, my little one seems to use the getting up and going to bed routine as a new way of annoying me each day!

BlackeyedSusan · 20/07/2023 21:25

What helps: adequate sleep. Not being menopausal, not giving a shit what school thinks about being late because they are going to be more late if you get wound up and merely hint at shouting. Sending them to their dad's a lot.

DomesticElf · 20/07/2023 21:31

I've done well today, no shouting despite toddler's best attempts at not wanting to do usual routines. @noglow I hear you.
Toddler was tired, I am very pregnant and also very tired, so today had its challenges, but we got there in the end. This thread is definitely helping at being mindful of my reactions during the day.

wirehearts · 20/07/2023 22:38

Eastie77Returns · 19/07/2023 18:33

@Sweetashunni it’s very hard when you have a baby and slightly older one. DD was 2.5 when DS was born. I still remember some days in those early years with a shudder and they are 10 and almost 8 now.

Shouting today. We live 4 minutes walk from DC’s school away and every single fucking morning there is a drama getting out of the house and to school on time. Tears from DD over her hair or some other shite. DS winding her up. I dread to think what some of the parents think when they walk past and hear me shrieking at them to hurry up.

It’s been a long day. DD inconsolable as I haven’t bought her teacher a present. I have, I contributed to a group parent one but don’t have the actual present to hand. DS gloating because I did buy his teacher an individual present. So DD hit him and WW3 broke out.

Dreading the summer holidays😭

I could have written everything in this post - this is my life!

goingtohellinahandcart · 20/07/2023 23:10

Mine are now thankfully 17+21 but I remember many shouty days(dd1_ is nd so that didn't help), I remember one day shoving them out in the garden(it was sunny!) and locking the door behind them so I could just have one coffee in peace!
If they were determined to wind each other up I used send one upstairs and keep the other downstairs until they could behave

noglow · 21/07/2023 18:18

I failed. DC did the usual whacking me in the face thing and I screamed.

Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 21/07/2023 20:45

noglow · 21/07/2023 18:18

I failed. DC did the usual whacking me in the face thing and I screamed.

Hope you're feeling better now? If my kids whacked me in the face I would scream! You haven't failed, we're merely trying to make improvements on daily shouting. Wishing you a better day tomorrow.

OP posts:
DomesticElf · 21/07/2023 21:09

How is everyone doing?
I had to use my 'stern mummy voice' a few times today, but didn't shout. I count that as a win.
@noglow sending 🍷

noglow · 21/07/2023 21:24

Fuckingmentalme · 21/07/2023 20:45

Hope you're feeling better now? If my kids whacked me in the face I would scream! You haven't failed, we're merely trying to make improvements on daily shouting. Wishing you a better day tomorrow.

Show quote history

Thank you so so much I can't tell you how supportive I am finding this thread. I really want to be as good a parent as my mum. I'm pretty sure she hardly ever shouted.

prettygirlincrimsonrose · 22/07/2023 10:03

I shout too much usually but having read this thread felt inspired to focus on not shouting yesterday (1st day of holiday with 2 and 5 year old and DH working) and I managed - and had a mainly enjoyable day despite rubbish weather, usual sibling issues etc. Thanks OP for encouraging accountability!

ISaySteadyOn · 22/07/2023 10:12

Yes, same for me. It has made me try to be more mindful.

Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 22/07/2023 12:41

DomesticElf · 21/07/2023 21:09

How is everyone doing?
I had to use my 'stern mummy voice' a few times today, but didn't shout. I count that as a win.
@noglow sending 🍷

I'm pleased for you! Wishing you a relaxing weekend!

OP posts:
noglow · 22/07/2023 12:42

Doing ok so far. I've started letting more things go.

Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 22/07/2023 12:43

prettygirlincrimsonrose · 22/07/2023 10:03

I shout too much usually but having read this thread felt inspired to focus on not shouting yesterday (1st day of holiday with 2 and 5 year old and DH working) and I managed - and had a mainly enjoyable day despite rubbish weather, usual sibling issues etc. Thanks OP for encouraging accountability!

Glad your day is going well. DH also at work. We're going out for a fairly long walk soon. They behave so much better outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 22/07/2023 16:37

noglow · 22/07/2023 12:42

Doing ok so far. I've started letting more things go.

It is the weekend after all Wink

OP posts:
DomesticElf · 22/07/2023 23:35

I agree, so much easier to be a non shouty parent outside. They magically behave so much better.
@Fuckingmentalme how did the long walk go?

surlycurly · 22/07/2023 23:48

I'm currently an angry, shouty parent to a teen on holiday. He won't get up, won't get ready, is miserable all the time and treats me like I'm an idiot. I'm so very glad I paid all this money flying him to North Africa so I could shout at him here rather than just doing it at home.

BertieBotts · 23/07/2023 07:33

So DH and I have an arrangement where he gets up on weekdays and gets them all ready and takes them to nursery so I don't have to wake up. At the weekends, I get up with them and let him sleep in until 9(ish).

So during the week, I have enough energy and patience to deal with most things.

At the weekends, I hit the ground running and instantly fall over. DS2 (nearly 5) is just a screaming demanding annoying ball and DS3 (nearly 2) is hungry and sleepy so he wants to sit on me and breastfeed and I don't want him to.

I get really triggered by DS2 screaming at me and I shout/scream back at him. I know obviously that isn't helpful but I don't know how to keep my cool.

And then DS3 gets really mischievous and this morning he swept all the breakfast stuff onto the floor while I inefectually go "No, no, no" from the other end of the room. Gah!!!!!! Can't leave him alone with any messy food as he abandons all utentils and starts eating with his hands and spreading it everywhere.

They are playing with lego now but I think DS2 is going to get frustrated and scream at it again and I just can't 😵‍💫

ISaySteadyOn · 23/07/2023 07:53

Flowers that sounds really hard. It's also difficult to watch them getting frustrated. As adults, we know that taking a break from the problem can help us solve it; but children don't get that because they want to do it now and they get more and more frustrated until you end up with a massive tantrum that you can see coming but can't do anything about really.

Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 23/07/2023 08:06

DomesticElf · 22/07/2023 23:35

I agree, so much easier to be a non shouty parent outside. They magically behave so much better.
@Fuckingmentalme how did the long walk go?

A few squabbles but really well! I let them pick ice creams on the way home after to eat in the garden and then some TV. Hope your week is going well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckingmentalme · 23/07/2023 08:13

BertieBotts · 23/07/2023 07:33

So DH and I have an arrangement where he gets up on weekdays and gets them all ready and takes them to nursery so I don't have to wake up. At the weekends, I get up with them and let him sleep in until 9(ish).

So during the week, I have enough energy and patience to deal with most things.

At the weekends, I hit the ground running and instantly fall over. DS2 (nearly 5) is just a screaming demanding annoying ball and DS3 (nearly 2) is hungry and sleepy so he wants to sit on me and breastfeed and I don't want him to.

I get really triggered by DS2 screaming at me and I shout/scream back at him. I know obviously that isn't helpful but I don't know how to keep my cool.

And then DS3 gets really mischievous and this morning he swept all the breakfast stuff onto the floor while I inefectually go "No, no, no" from the other end of the room. Gah!!!!!! Can't leave him alone with any messy food as he abandons all utentils and starts eating with his hands and spreading it everywhere.

They are playing with lego now but I think DS2 is going to get frustrated and scream at it again and I just can't 😵‍💫

Ooo. That sounds difficult. I'm having a lie in this morning but when I'm not they watch TV and have toast in the living room. Have you tried that?

OP posts: