Angry Shouty Parents Anonymous

[Fuckingmentalme]

Are you an angry shouty parent?
Are you constantly wound up?
Are you on the edge?
Do any unexpected noises that your children emit leave you twitching? Did you fail to produce perfect children who follow you like ducklings when you're out and about? Do they instead tumble out of the car shrieking war cries? Do they shriek a lot? Do they laugh in libraries? Do you have a large living room with plenty of space yet the children choose to sit practically on top of each other to do any activity and then each claim the other is annoying them?Do they ask you endless hypothetical questions? Do they repeat your answers driving you to the brink of insanity? Do they fight constantly?

If so then I do not have the answer but I am sick* of being angry and shouty. It makes me feel unwell. I want to stop today. *I'm inviting other ASPs to join me who also wish to stop. We can check in on each other and generally be nice and supportive.

I plan to separate or distract as soon as bickering or shrieking occurs. That's my plan. That's it. Wish me luck

Aww ASPs, don't beat yourselves up.

I was an ASP, I had two very close together and then was single. The primary school years and early secondary were the worst. I definitely was not a gentle or a permissive parent. I did shout, too much at times.. dd (almost 18) said in the car to me today that although I did shout she always felt like she knew where she was with me.

My only advice is to get out the house as much as possible and stay out in the park as long as possible.

@Sweetashunni it’s very hard when you have a baby and slightly older one. DD was 2.5 when DS was born. I still remember some days in those early years with a shudder and they are 10 and almost 8 now.

Shouting today. We live 4 minutes walk from DC’s school away and every single fucking morning there is a drama getting out of the house and to school on time. Tears from DD over her hair or some other shite. DS winding her up. I dread to think what some of the parents think when they walk past and hear me shrieking at them to hurry up.

It’s been a long day. DD inconsolable as I haven’t bought her teacher a present. I have, I contributed to a group parent one but don’t have the actual present to hand. DS gloating because I did buy his teacher an individual present. So DD hit him and WW3 broke out.

Dreading the summer holidays😭

Thanks everyone who has had a kind word for me. And to those further down the line offering us hope that we’re not scarring our children 😭

I’m sure you will all know what I mean when I say I genuinely start every day with the best of intentions, determined to make it a nice happy one for everyone, but 4 times out of 5 I don’t succeed.

I have to say I now understand a little more of where my mum was coming from when I was a kid. I appreciate now all the work that goes into parenting that they won’t even remember.

How about a jeopardy board. Just give them the wheel and they can spin for the answer?

I found these sympathetic and very funny so I will share them here https://www.litterboxcomics.com/

May I join?!
the holiday is coming up, I have three kids. 10,7 and 4.
even the thought of the holidays cause me dread
but yes I shout all the time, I wouldn’t shout as much if they actually listened the first time?

Yes yes. Welcome.
Maybe we should wear ear defenders so they know what it's like to ask and be totally ignored. Might reduce our stress levels too.

Can relate to the rage of someone having the last cupcake and also panicking about life choices at night cat.

I so resonate with this!! 😢

I'm doing OK but my kids are at childcare all day during the week. Ask me at the weekend or when they are off for summer break!

I also feel on a fairly even keel at the moment which might be because my period has just ended.

What do you do when they just will not listen? When you’ve asked nicely 3 times, explained why you need them to do X or Y? And they’re still not doing it? What then?

4 is a REALLY hard age for this. I think because they lull you into a false sense of security by being so sweet and eager to please from around 1.5-2 (whenever they first start understanding language) and the earlier half of three, then somewhere around 3.5 - 4 they suddenly hit a real rebellious phase where they 100% know and understand what you want them to do but it's like they have just realised nope, no way, do not have to do this, and I won't!

I used to find Andrea Nair really good for this age but I think her kids grew up and she stopped writing

https://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20140127/the-fing-fours

http://www.andrealoewen.ca/1328-2/

The last link with the phrases is really helpful.

Argh for me the evenings/bedtimes are the worst times of day. I am exhausted, stressed and hungry, with still so much to do, my patience is non-existent. DC just pushes and pushes, and I end up shouting. I hate myself, I am so not the mum i want to be. There is no way out, no escape, no solution, because that's just my life, stressful 😫

Pastmylimit
Name changed as I am so ashamed. My kids get a lot of love and praise but I am utterly broken in my own life and my resilience is low, so I shout too. I know exactly when, when I am consumed with feelings of distress about my own life, when I am exhausted and miserable and just want everything to stop. I find the constant demands and questions hard too.
I hate it, it makes me hate myself and then I feel even more miserable, which lowers my resilience and so the cycle continues….

This is me too 😫😫😫

Autistic children, partner who won't earn more in a better job so finances are stressful, falling on me to do overtime, trying to revise for an exam for promotion to earn more, elderly parents who moved to be closer and help out but ended up with health conditions so now I have another 2 people to look after...yeah I shout lots, daily in fact.

Sorry I realise that last night I bolded one part of a post and the replied to the part about it being only in the last 6 months.

I do have more to say about "what are you supposed to actually DO" but it's kind of long and complicated, and I'm not that good at doing it.

This has been quite helpful. Although some parts seem obvious/patronising, and there are other parts that I just straight up disagree with - there are some really good tips here. It's free.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/everyday-parenting/home/welcome

Nearly shouted. Does anyone have any advice for a 3 year old who screams? It does my head in. I mean it REALLY does my head in. I feel very angry. It's It's often to express displeasure. It's really high pitched... too late I shouted.

Just here to say I feel your pain.

I hope this is of some comfort.
DCs are adults now, and i recently said to them that my whole experience of parenting seemed to involve refereeing their arguments and endless shouting. Strangely enough neither of them remember it that way at all, and don't recall me ever shouting. And they get on very well together too, although they are very different personalities.

My son was a constant noise maker/screamer. Would just silently appear near me and make sudden SCREECH!! SCREAM! random made up noises. Fucks sake. He's 10 now and fine, but STILL even now makes a constant, CONSTANT stream of noises - bleep bleep, squaa squaa. wooo! wooo! mwa...mwa....mwa.... Does my absolute fucking nut in.

My daughter (now 9) does this. Her brother will do something annoying and she'll let pour a blood curdling shriek which would be justified if she was being chased by an axe murderer but not because her (admittedly annoying) little brother has flicked a piece of Lego at her. The sound goes straight through me and triggers a fight or flight response. I'm working on not letting it send me into a total spin but it's incredibly hard not to be reactive. Happy holidays!!! 😂

@lifebeginsat48 9?! So all we can do is change how we react to it?
I was hoping to have a quiet afternoon after exercising them all morning but they've been fighting like cat and dog

@YouJustDoYou my elder one does this too!

@BinkieBeaufort lovely to hear. Sometimes they are so sweet to each other.

@superplumb that sounds so stressful. I do hope you manage to get some time to yourself each week. Good luck with your studies.

Today was shit. Did I shout? YES

Oh no! Feel free to have a rant if needed, I’m all ears.

Luckily today as been much better. DS slept well so I got a good stretch and woke up much calmer. And the rest of the day seems to have gone well too. DD came back from nursery in a good mood and co-operative so tea/play/shower all went without drama and DP is now settling her.

Last night however was awful, the tension cracked and I had a blazing row with DP when she was in bed. Tears, snot, accusations of life ruining, the works! Hoping when DD is asleep we can have a calm chat and change direction. We don’t seem to have held it against each other today so I don’t think he’s holding a grudge. We both know we’re under a lot of pressure with the kids, work, money, tiredness and a few other things so to be honest I’m surprised that row hasn’t happened before now.

I don't want to raise a child that just always does what someone else says without questioning it but my word the WHYS?! I screamed into a pillow today.

Yes, it is so frustrating. Especially when my main asks of them are basic hygiene things like brushing your teeth. Just do it! In the time they spend arguing with me over it, they could have brushed their teeth twice over.