Angry Shouty Parents Anonymous

[Fuckingmentalme]

Are you an angry shouty parent?
Are you constantly wound up?
Are you on the edge?
Do any unexpected noises that your children emit leave you twitching? Did you fail to produce perfect children who follow you like ducklings when you're out and about? Do they instead tumble out of the car shrieking war cries? Do they shriek a lot? Do they laugh in libraries? Do you have a large living room with plenty of space yet the children choose to sit practically on top of each other to do any activity and then each claim the other is annoying them?Do they ask you endless hypothetical questions? Do they repeat your answers driving you to the brink of insanity? Do they fight constantly?

If so then I do not have the answer but I am sick* of being angry and shouty. It makes me feel unwell. I want to stop today. *I'm inviting other ASPs to join me who also wish to stop. We can check in on each other and generally be nice and supportive.

I plan to separate or distract as soon as bickering or shrieking occurs. That's my plan. That's it. Wish me luck

I'm in - i feel like I shout a lot these days - and it's exhausting!

i thot about this today after having a go at my 11 year old for eating rubbish constantly. went to open a tub of nutella that i bought two days ago and it was 2/3rd empty. my daughter just can't keep her hands off any snacks or treats. i've resorted to hiding now.
anyways i shouted at her out of frustration and was saying does she not care there are four other people on this house, i can't keep replacing everything. not fair etc, the normal lecture that gets me no place with her.
and i'm actually not caring i shouted anymore. i'm just sick of the greed now.

@crazeekat that would drive me mental too, mine are still at the age where i can control their food intake. Would you feel less stressed if you just didn't buy rubbish and only let the kids have a treat each after shopping? Would she respect rules about food? Like junk only after dinner or something?

Yes. I was angry and shouty this evening. All was going well, then big one could NOT sit still and eat like a normal person, distracting small one in highchair. Sent big one out of room, found her playing instead of eating (the really nice dinner that I KNOW both of them like), so took pudding away, which she snatched back, ran into her room pursued by small one and had some kind of accident resulting in bowl having contact with small one's eye. Screaming, shouting, crying sort of an end to the evening.

Someone asked me yesterday do you enjoy the school holidays… I had a hollow laugh! The first few days maybe then it’s just managing… I walk out into the garden A Lot, removing myself from the room stops the noise…but I have an autistic tween who hates transactions between any activity so normally just comes and shouts at me instead 😬& the teenager is lovely but has her moments winding up her sister just to get a reaction.

Oh my gosh the repeating back of answers!!!!

child: what’s this?
me: a tomato
child: a tomato?
me: yes
child : this is a tomato?
me: yes it’s a tomato.
child : really? There’s a tomato on my plate ?
me: JUST EAT THE TOMATO
child: eat the tomato?

YANBU. #TeamOP

I once lost my voice completely after shouting so much to my children. Karma.

I’ve found my people! Triggers for shouting: having to ask to put shoes on/get dressed/brush teeth 700 times every morning, fighting in the back while I’m driving, calling for me as soon as I’m in the bathroom, calling for me just as I sit down after a chaotic bedtime. Basically any parenting moment can tip me over the edge!!!

I'm thinking of writing down my requests on bits of paper. Then I won't have to repeat them. Just point, if anything.

I used to worry about the angry shouty.
I confessed my worry to my husband.
His view was that inevitably someone somewhere was going to tell them they're annoying so it might as well be me.

Followed with a "why?"

@crazeekat is she ND? I used to do the same and now my 11yr autistic DD just takes endless sugary snacks so I looked into it and found it’s a Dophamine seeking thing. I don’t know how to manage it yet other than I’m buying a lot less sweet stuff, but I’m concerned by the high volume of wrappers I find hidden all round the house! Yet I remember as a teen just eating sugar when my mum tried to restrict it. As an adult I use sport to try get the same “high”. Hormones are SO very hard to manage

I have a 4 year old and baby and have definitely become a shouty mum. I need to stop, not because I’m into gentle parenting or anything like that, but because I’m doing it so much it’s losing effect (on the 4 year old obviously I don’t shout at the baby!) plus I’m sick of the sound of my own voice.

Name change for this. I cried today briefly at lunchtime- was shouting by 10am. Ds2 decided at the last minute to not go to (the very expensive) summer camp. Meltdown from him, I just totally lost patience. Frustrated, disappointed with myself, all round fed up of things being so much harder than they should.

I laughed a lot at this (and almost cried as so feel so seen). I too am an angry, shouty, guilt-ridden mother who definitely thought she would be significantly nicer, but my kids drives me mad on a minutely basis even though they are also at times a delight.

God I can relate to the managing!

We have 8 weeks of summer holidays here. 8 weeks. And it rained all fucking day today. Just non-stop heavy rain.

Demoralising

Oh thank god some people on MN are honest about how hard all this is.
I have exhausted myself over the last two years by becoming ASM. I was alright until covid and I can't seem to snap out of the cycle. There is constant noise, constant mess, constant demands and touching.
I have three and I felt so low recently that I found myself wishing I'd got a dog instead and ignoring all the pangs when I saw other babies.
All solutions very welcome as I don't know where it's going to end up otherwise.

I laughed but the insanity is real. I get uptight after the second identical question and say "I just answered your question, we are not going to talk about it anymore" or the more hysterical pleading "why are you asking me the same question again? Stop!" Or "that's what I just said!"

Exactly! Shouting louder has left me with a sore throat and my kids don't give a shit. We're this shouty reactive household. I feel like Lois from Malcolm in the Middle sometimes.

I find I don't shout when I'm at work, either!

I’ve found my people 🥲

Oh God. Here are my people 😅😭
My most shameful, awful, horrible-mum trigger is that DS (3.5yo) has a stammer, and once he starts stammering he has to go alllll the way back to the start of the sentence and start again, and he says ALL his thoughts out loud and it's a CONSTANT stream of consciousness and stammering, and getting stuck, and having to start again and I want to shout "OH MY GOD, JUST SPIT IT OUT!!!" except I can't because it's not his fault and he's trying so hard, but it takes up So. Much. of my Time. waiting for him to tell me something like "Mum, in 'Go Dog, Go' there's a big white dog under all the manhole covers". Like what the FUCK does that even mean and also don't answer that because I DON'T CARE.
And then 10 minutes later he's singing his Lego men to sleep, and it's so beautiful and sweet, and I'm the worst person ever for feeling so frustrated with him 😭😭😭

It’s that guilt when they go to sleep that hurtsss

Oh dear. I think crying is good sometimes. It's can be quite therapeutic. I seldom cry but it concerns the kids enough to be nice to me (for a bit)