Yes, I need a new perspective or something on the endless questions because we are very much in this phase now and after a few of them it just makes my brain melt. Often he is asking the same things that he asks every day and I don't know the answers, or I've explained it before but he didn't really want to know the answer so he asks it again anyway. Actually I think I did find an explanation for this once, it's something to do with that they want to have conversations, because they understand that is something that people do with each other to connect socially, but they don't really understand how conversations work yet. So when they are doing that endless stream of questions thing they are actually saying "please talk to me" but they don't really mind what the topic is, and they will generally accept if you change the subject. I will try this tomorrow. However I guess that it probably happens when I am already at my social limit and don't want to talk any more which is probably why he does that. Hmm. I'll try and observe and feed back.
I don't mean this kind of thing though, because when he's asking questions he's generally quite happy and calm. I mean more stuff like when they ask for toast and you make it and they turn into a whiny dictator and start screaming "NO, I DID NOT WANT IT WARM!!" because they actually wanted bread, but they use the word toast to refer to bread, and I forgot in that moment and it is so so unreasonable of him to scream at me for not reading his mind that I get cross and do something like put the toast down more forcefully than I would normally and say "But you said you wanted toast! Stop whining about it, it's fine! Can you just eat it?" Which obviously doesn't help him calm down about the broken expectation. And then sometimes if there is more bread and he won't stop making the noise I just say fuck it whatever and make more, because it makes the screaming stop. But I think that's technically giving into a tantrum, and I'm just exhausted by remembering what I'm supposed to do in that situation where my brain is acting like there's a fire and I need to panic and put it out any possible way.
Or when he's getting annoyed with the toddler getting his toy, so he instantly goes in with "NNNNHHHHHGGHHHH" noise and violence, and instead of going up to them and saying in a Janet Lansbury voice "Oh, it seems like there is a problem. What's happening?" I storm up to both of them, or even worse, from across the room I just yell and go "STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" And start threatening to take him to his room.
Actually I did the nice "hmm, seems like there's a problem" thing today, and it did work fairly well. Maybe the medication was helping. But most days I just hear that tone and react with the same tone because it's like my body thinks it's an emergency and I must make him stop instantly.
I think with the questions, what sometimes happens is that I say something that wasn't really aimed at him, but he wants to know what I said/what something means and when I explain he doesn't understand so he asks again and I say it doesn't matter, but then he'll push and push and push me to answer this question even though neither of us care about the answer, he starts to veer into the high pitched desperate tone and it tips me into the desperate high pitched tone too.
Oh I do find this age so trying 😬 DS1 was in this stage until he was about 7! I've got to get some better strategies to manage my flashpoints. I do think some things will get a bit easier over the next few months as I can already see him starting to play with and talk to DS3, and we're trying to encourage/coach this because I get a bit burnt out being their only companion/entertainer/as well as everything else.