Consequences of 19 year old with a 49 year old?

[Scribbleonapage]

Do you think that a 19 year old girl seeing a 49 year old man would have lasting negative consequences? Do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 yo even if she doesn't realise it? Is a 49 year old in this situation always in the wrong/a bad guy?

It’s not the gap it’s the absolute current ages. A TEENAGER may technically be an adult but oh my word. She’s a TEEN. No one would bat an eye if this convo was about a 30 and 60 year old. I am 50 and the thought of a relationship with a 20 year old gives me the creeps. No no no no. It’s just gross.

too many variables there. they are doing what? a casual shag is very different from let's say a marriage. also 19yo is old enough to go to war.

We live close to the local college, many of the students will be about to go up to uni soon, they look VERY young, I think of them as "kids". I can't imagine someone nearly 50 pursuing someone this age without being a wrong un, something isn't quite right, they were children 20 seconds ago, you've been an adult for 30 years, ew.

That's gross. I'd feel the same way if it was a 19 year old guy and 49 year old woman btw

I don't know them, but I know of a 19 year old locally in a 'relationship' with a man even older than this!! Creep!

I have never in any way been a violent person but if some pervert of 49 was seeing my 19 year old DC, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions!!😡

My DH is 49, I love him dearly and he's still fit and IMHO attractive.. Can't imagine a 19year old finding him so - would assume daddy issues/poor parent child relationship.

Would the 19 year old accept some counselling to work through the issues? It is obviously very dubious on the much older man's morals. If he is a family friend it raises all sorts of issues around how it started and whether anything inappropriate happened when she was a child. Is there any risk she was groomed?

Okay thanks everyone. I get the general consensus. I do know that its creepy etc but I wasn't asking that as such. But thanks anyway. I do appreciate everyone's points

Yes it would be likely to have a lasting impact as it would be the 19 year olds early relationships when they are at an impressionable age.
Also any relationship that is a secret is likely to make the participants doubt their value and lower their self worth. There’s lots of people who post about their partner keeping them a secret and they all feel crap about it

Well providing she was over 16 when it started then wether we like it or agree with it or not. There’s no Laws being broken.

Really gross. Unless he's got loads of money and it's a sugar daddy arrangement or something I genuinely can't understand why a 19 year old would be interested in someone so much older. I would assume she'd been groomed, was dealing with trauma or had daddy issues. I'd be worried about her.

The 19 year old might ,whilst the relationship is ongoing, believe herself to be open-minded/more adult than her contemporaries/more sexually advanced than her contemporaries etc. But when she's older, and has more sense, she will probably feel quite sick about having got into that kind of unbalanced relationship. Not to mention being embarrassed at having been a middle-aged man's sop to his ego.

As for the man involved- only deeply pathetic middle-aged men do this kind of thing. Most 19year old women have the nous to laugh at such losers.

If it's short lived (9 months) and it's kept a secret rather than an out there relationship, do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 year old even later in life, like would this be a significant thing to happen, or do you think it'd be easy to get over and move on with life without any lasting affects?
I was in a similar relationship, it wasn't a secret though. Just a fling. No regret, consequences or anything nearly 40 years later so🤷‍♀️ Just happy, funny memories from a care free time.

I had a three year relationship which started when I was 20 (having left home at 17) with a 42 year old. No harm done and 40 years later I still think of him with great fondness.

Second one today...

> no damage done, tinkly laugh

🧐

it's often mutual. The 48 year old can provide financial security and 19 year old can offer intimacy that make a middle aged feel good about themselves.

It’s utterly grim and guaranteed to have an impact. The fact it’s ‘purely sexual’ is even worse.

You can guarantee that whilst the 49yo bloke will be perfectly able to compartmentalise like that if it means he gets to shag a gorgeous teenager…that teenager will become emotionally invested and they will get hurt.

And the potential for there to be other repercussions just doesn’t bear thinking about.

I’m guessing she already has issues. Chicken, egg, etc.

I was at school with a kid whose parents had a 45 year age gap. They had been together since she was about 20, and were very happy. It was quite the scandal at the time and I think she found that very hard from what she told me decades later.

He died just short of his 100th birthday - thus ruining all the party plans to her fury!

So yes, there can be happy outcomes, but absolutely not what I would want for my child, and this lady was obviously very affected by the comments she put up with for many, many years.

My parents are more than 10 years apart in age - my DM always said she felt old as my DF was planning for retirement long before her peer group were. Told us all to marry someone younger!

Christ sake.

He's not a paedophile.

She's an adult, not a child.

The "relationship" is fairly fucking weird and if I was in the family I wouldn't be happy.

I think it’s likely the 19 year old will look back with regret in years to come. The 49 year old dating a teenager isn’t a wise choice in my view.

I would see it as always wrong, yes and very likely damaging either at the time or much later.

Plus both of them know a relationship couldn't work due to the large age gap but they find each other attractive so it's purely just a sexual thing

This is how we know you are the 50 year old bloke. Seriously, she doesn’t find you hot. She is probably having sex with you for lots of not great reasons.

Do you think that Joan Collins is a paedophile/abuser because her husband is 32 years younger than she is? I know the MN attitude but to use the words paedophile/abuser is making a massive leap.