Consequences of 19 year old with a 49 year old?

[Scribbleonapage]

Do you think that a 19 year old girl seeing a 49 year old man would have lasting negative consequences? Do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 yo even if she doesn't realise it? Is a 49 year old in this situation always in the wrong/a bad guy?

There was 14 years between me & late dp, I was 43 & he was 29 when we met.

My friends children are 18-19 now. I'm 45 there is no way I'm looking at them as potential relationship partners! Yeuch.

OMG that's nuts

my mum is friends with a couple of couples who have big age gaps and they're still married with one older person being 90, the other 75.

maybe MN is more judgemental about these things than real life.

This makes me feel better, though of course I'm sorry for your loss.

I like the "Half-your-age-plus-seven" rule.
According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7). Although the provenance of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes said to have originated in France.
So the oldest a person dating a 19 yr old should be, is 24. Definitely not 49.

OP - you were still young. I know at 19 you think you are grown up, but you still have a lot to learn. So while legally it's not an issue, it's hard to believe that it could ever have been a healthy relationship. Its not even the age gap - a 30 year old dating a 60 year old is odd, but not concerning. But a 19 year old dating anyone with a significant age gap is worrying. Sounds like you need to get some support.

No need for pointless pedantry and psychiatric definitions. He almost certainly would go for a younger age too. He is one and calling him that doesn't minimise anything.

@Furries oh I didn't realise this was the AIBU thread I thought it was just a generic chat thread oops.

Yeah I do regret posting this now tbh. I have only posted on here a couple of times on the litter tray boards lol so wasn't really aware of what I was getting myself into. And didn't realise there'd be so many people that think I'm lying. Not sure why anyone would do that but there's weirdos out there I suppose.

Thanks to all those who replied anyway to give your thoughts. Goodnight 😊

I was 21 and had an affair with a guy aged 49. I realise now I was sexually manipulated and not sure if it’s the right word usage but dare I say it, groomed.
I was young , immature and so lacking in confidence and inner worth it was unbelievable. And very sad .

At 16 i was in a relationship with a 36 year old. To be honest, i think i was probably groomed from 15. It has lasting affects in some ways. I am in my mid 30's now and i feel sick at the thought of being in a relationship with a teanager.

Half your age plus 7 is the rule for how young is ok to date. So no under 30s really OP.

You seem to be a bit too much into detail and technicality for comfort and are defending them too keenly.
When we refer to someone as a dick, will you point out our error and explain to us what one actually is?

Of course, if the man is famous, 30+ years gap seems not to be a problem
Al Pacino 83, Noor Al Fallah 29 54 year gap
Robert De Niro 79, Tiffany Chen 45 34 year gap
Mick Jagger 79, Mel Hamrick 35 44 year gap
Ronnie Wood 76, Sally Humphrey 45 31 year gap
Bill Wyman 86, Suzanne Acosta 52 34 year gap
Mel Gibson 67, Rosslyn Ross 28 39 year gap
David Foster 73, Kathrine McPhee 39 34 year gap
Patrick Stewart 82, Sunni Ozell 44 34 year gap
Michael Douglas 79, Catherine Z-Jones 53 26 year gap

Richard Gere 75, Alessandra Da Silver 39 36 year gap

Being a dick is not a criminal offense, though.

It's unclear whether your problems are the cause of your relationship when this man or a result. What was your childhood like before then? Perhaps what ever led you to him (daddy isssues?) are what impacts you now rather than the affair with him itself?
I would seek counselling or psychotherapy to help yourself unpick all this

This. He’s a fucking nonce.

Well it's very sexy. Old man, prostate problems, fat guy, hairy ears, hairy nostrils, large nose, balding head, erectile issues, bladder weakness, varicose veins, cardiac issues bad knees, crankiness, grey hair, moobs, memory problems , belligerents. Older guys are a real dream boat.

Oops and lol, easy mistake to make 🤷🏻‍♀️

1542 (the keyboard gremlins are hard at work today!)

i don’t think there is a black and white answer . I was 19 and had a 48 year old boyfriend for a while .But he was respectful and very intelligent and interesting and no it has not affected me as I felt at 19 I was an adult . But if he had been a different person and I had been vulnerable then the outcome would be different. You can still have terrible relationships with someone your own age ?

You've never met a sexy 49 year old man?

It's not just the age gap that's the problem. If the OP was describing a 29 year old woman seeing a 59 year old man, I think people would have much less of a problem with it.

I'm not sure what the solution is. Should it be illegal? Probably not. She'll come to her senses before long hopefully before it affects her too much. Unfortunately you can't stop young adults from doing stupid things.

DH is 43 and he's very attractive. Doesn't have moobs, prostate problems, hairy ears or nostrils, has a full head of very thick hair, no bladder weakness, or varicose veins, or bad knees, cardiac issues, not belligerent. Certainly does not have erectile problems. Does have quite a large nose but in an attractive Roman way and is very occasionally cranky. I am not expecting him to deteriorate that much in 6 years.

DH has just reminded me he is 44. I am the forgetful one!

Prince Philip had only lived 50% of his life by 49, so he probably was in decent shape at that age.