Consequences of 19 year old with a 49 year old?

[Scribbleonapage]

Do you think that a 19 year old girl seeing a 49 year old man would have lasting negative consequences? Do you think it would be likely to affect the 19 yo even if she doesn't realise it? Is a 49 year old in this situation always in the wrong/a bad guy?

@Scribbleonapage I was in a relationship with a 47 year old man when I was 19. It was a bit of a shitshow, but after about six months I saw the light and broke it off. No harm done, and I am not emotionally scarred 😎

If you are the 19 year old, just know lots of women go through a phase like this, don't overthink it. But do break it off if it's still ongoing, it can't possibly end well.

She's an adult, she is allowed to walk to the bus without reins!

Years ago I knew a professional woman who had married a man 15 years older than her. At 45, she was in her prime but it was obvious how she was now feeling the age gap. Someone who is glam at 45 soon loses appeal at 60 in many cases. A 30 year gap doesn't bear thinking about it. I don't think a 19 year old would be damaged in later years though.... just passed off.

Sorry not passed off ......

I was at school with a kid whose parents had a 45 year age gap. They had been together since she was about 20, and were very happy. It was quite the scandal at the time and I think she found that very hard from what she told me decades later.
He died just short of his 100th birthday - thus ruining all the party plans to her fury

I’m not sure if class this as a happy outcome. A young woman living all her youth with an old man (he was 65 and her 20) and then him dying when she’s only 55. It’s a shitshow

Katherine Howard was 26 when she married Henry VIII. He was 49.
she was nearly eighteen when he cut her head off for preferring someone of her own generation.

sixteen, gremlin,,she was sixteen.

I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks to those who have answered my questions 😊 sorry if I've riled anyone up about this, some of the replies seem a bit worked up. That wasn't my intention

The catastrophising on this thread is hilarious. So many pp absolutely certain that this 19 year old is a mere baby who will be damaged forever by this vile creep.

I was by no means a child when I was in this situation, we met as adults (he was a regular at the pub I worked in) and I found the man hot. My mum knew about it and was wise enough to keep her counsel and trust me to get over it in due course.

It was a stupid fling and has had zero impact on my life.

“Yes the 50 year old is practically a Pedo/abuser.

Yuk.

Well good luck getting the CPS to allow charges to go through on 2 consenting adults having sex. Regardless of the age gap that exactly all it is. She’s 3 years over the legal age of consent. It’s not paedophilic at all.

I think it's too much and I say that as someone married to a man 20 years older than me. I usually defend age relationships but this would be too big a gap.

So he is just using a young girl for sex and telling her to keep it a secret - depending on how long he has known the family I expect grooming

I don't think you can say without knowing the individuals if it would damage them.

I am generally quite relaxed about age gaps but my limit is about 25 years tbh. I just think they're unlikely to want the same things. However, I was with someone my own age and the breakup devastated my life for a decade. I don't think an age gap means the damage will be worse than no age gap.

1532 not 2023

If a man is willing to have sex with someone that’s young enough to be his daughter, and just out of puberty I would question whether something is wrong with him mentally tbh.

I know 2 people who aged 25 got involved with men aged 50

One couple still together

The other couple split up quite quickly, not traumatised at all

But 19 is quite different from 25, and the secrecy would concern me. Not good for a 19yo to feel like they're a dirty secret

I was 18 when I got "engaged" to a 30 year old. We'd been dating for six months and I was convinced I was in love with him.
He was an alcoholic who I had to bail out of jail, then took him in (to my parents house!!) three times when he ended up homeless. Three times!
He was madly in love with me and was never bad or abusive to me. However I couldn't put up with his drinking and psychoactive tendencies (he had hallucinations due to alcohol withdrawal and would often get violent) any more and left shortly after my 19th birthday.
I'm still in therapy.

Honestly. No. Nothing good can come of this OP. Please question why he can't get anybody his own age.

If this is your DD or someone close to you, tread carefully. I cut off many friends and family members who "didn't support my relationship". All you can do is guide her in the right direction and be her shoulder to cry on. It's so so hard OP but she will realise for herself, hopefully before it's too late.

I'm sorry I can't give any more advice but this is entirely on her as you risk pushing her further into his arms 😔

It's fucking gross though.

Most 49 year old single men would not kick a 19 year old willing participant out of bed; to think otherwise is naive. Not many would look to have a relationship though.

I may have screwed an older successful man in an arty career at that age for nice cultural events. Plus it was fun. But absolutely no commitment. I was at university and it was the 80s. Can't imagine my youngest who is 19 now doing the same . She'd be shocked and appalled. Times change.

I have a friend who at age 15 was in a "relationship" with a 25-year-old, I have used inverted commas because when she now looks back at that time in her life she can see what an imbalance of power that was as well as being illegal. It damaged her but it took years for her to see this. As she matured and gained more life experience she saw things for what they really were, as a very young girl she had been taken advantage of and yes, it did damage her.

It's grubby to go after a friend's child. What kind of friend does that?

Hi Phillip

I just cannot understand how any 19 year old would consider a relationship with someone who compared to them is sooooo old! When I was that age I would politely shutdown any overtures from anyone over 23! No idea if this type of relationship could cause harm, but any person of that age approaching a teen in that way is automatically a bit creepy.

That's the first example I thought of

I'm the "cougar" at the moment. It hasn't gone public because I'm worried what people will think. He doesn't care but he's not the one who looks like a weirdo.