Can we have a sweary thread please

[Ffsjustltb]

Just because it feels good. And you sweary lot make me laugh 😃

I'll start. My cat is a cute little furry bustard and I am sick of it waking me up at 3am.

Bustard!!! Where did that come from? See, I've cheered myself up already. Bastard bastard predictive text 😑

Excessive clutching of fucking pearls incoming...

Fuckety fuck fuck. I like this !

I have to wake up at 3am tomorrow for work. 3 o clock in the fucking morning!!! I won't get home til 7pm tomorrow evening. The only thing I like about it is I can wake my neighbours up in the process of leaving the house, they're pricks so I take great enjoyment in disrupting their sleep

Absofuckinglutely.

I am fat as fuck and it is really starting to get me down. (Are we allowed to use the c word on this thread? Because I feel like a right fat c* so why can't I stop fucking EATING)

Tbf it says quite clearly in the title that it's a sweary thread so the professionally offended can fuck right off.

Shitting bollocks

REALLY?? I can't imagine why anyone would give a flying toss about people swearing in their own space and time on a thread which has swearing ANNOUNCED IN THE TITLE so it's not as if impressionable 6 year olds will read it and come away calling their mothers fat c**ts or whatever.

My boss is a cunt!

My current rotation of swears:

Batwank!

Cock juggling Thundercunt

By the thrice beshitten shroud of Lazarus! (Which I believe I stole from Wolf Hall)

Somebody once started a thread to complain about all the ghastly swearing on Mumsnet. I believe the first reply was, "off you fuck then, cunty chops."

There was someone on a thread yesterday calling someone else vile for swearing about Boris.

Weapons grade yeasty cunt flaps

My favourite word is bollocks. Bollocks, bollocking bollocks.
Ahh, that's better.

It definitely does make you feel better, doesn't it.
I love the fuck off cuntychops one 😂

This is the best swearing I've ever seen on TV

Apparently it has been proven that swearing relieves stress...
*no link whatsoever but def did read it somewhere!.
I have 4 teens.
Swearing is therefore a given ime.

I was reading a story book to my little three year old girl and she kissed me on the forehead and said she loves me very much. So I asked her why and she said ‘Because your old and fat!’. I mean what the fuck?!

I’ve found my people <does vic reeves style thigh rubbing>

Cuntibollocks. Fuckyshit. No.

Ooooh! My boss is also a cunt!
That felt good

My mother in law is a two faced treacherous fucking bitch.

Actually a fucking cunt fits better!

There's a lot of it about 😀

My DH is 6 foot 4 in and even if we lived in a stately home he'd still find places to hit his head. So although I tried not to swear in front of the children when they were small they were treated to an extensive vocabulary from DH.

When DD was about three I tripped over the cat and said "bother that cat" and DD said "Never mind Mum. He's just a fucking cat isn't he".