How am I supposed to feel ????

[almondflake]

My ex died today , we were married for 23 years and I've not seen him for 12 years I'm now 56 .
We married when I was 22 years old and we had our first child in 1988 .
I feel so sad because he was only 65 , he's been in hospital for 2 months and been going down hill since he was admitted. Our daughter has had to deal with this on her own as I'm away and so is her brother , his girlfriend has been wonderful with my daughter.
I just think I'm venting/ chatting shit as I really don't know how I feel .

You feel however you feel. It's probably a mixed bag. This is someone who was special to you for a very long time. Possibly someone who hurt you quite badly at one point too. It's also a reminder of your vulnerability and mortality when someone your age does, so there's is an understandable 'could this happen to me?' element.

You could mourn the relationship you could have had.
You could be sad that your children’s father has died.
You can feel whatever you want to. When people of our generation die I think it starts you thinking about your own mortality.

@ClaryFairchild @KangarooKenny Thank you for your kind replies, I think you've both hit the nail on the head and I am mourning what I had and what could have been , the Christmas's when the kids were little, holidays and also my own mortality .
Thank you 😊

You grieve as you need to or don't need to. Support your children as you are best able and accept that this might be a mixed bag of emotions for you
No one way to feel just allow yourself to be you.