Advice about sister’s constant lies

[ReluctantCourier]

My sister and I don’t really see eye to eye. It’s often been tense over the years and im sure I bear as much of the responsibility for that as her. We don’t really talk and years ago I blocked her on Facebook as we’d argue and she’d message friends or make sarcastic comments on my posts.

My mum is in supported housing and as I live locally I do most of the stuff to make that work (visits, shops etc). She’s going to stay with my sister for a few weeks soon on the Isle of Man this summer, where sis lives. (I’m v grateful for this respite I must add)

My sister recently visited mum and about a week later messaged to say she’d been online shopping with her choosing her clothes for her stay. From a shop that doesn’t deliver to IoM, could I send them on to my sister’s house asap to be wrapped etc as some are for mum’s birthday while she’s there. No offer to pay etc which I didn’t mind initially as for mum but as you’ll see I’m now irked by…

Box arrived today with mum’s name on. I’d decided to send some stuff from me too which I’d already packed up and was also keen to see what mum had chosen so I opened it up to pack all together. There’s one item only in my sister’s size and obv not for an 80yo woman!!!

I’ve just boxed it all up to send and wasn’t going to mention it but I’m so annoyed. It’s probably the third or fourth time in as many months I’ve stumbled across a stupid lie like this and we don’t even talk that much ffs. I want to get on better with her but it’s hard when she keeps pulling shit like this, I feel just a bit manipulated.

if I ‘confront’ her in any way from experience she’ll really flare up. I’m not even sure if it’s sn honest mistake and more clothes might be coming but I suspect not and I fear if I check that’ll be seen as confrontation?! She can make my life difficult wrt mum so I like to keep her sweet. I think she’ll be hacked off I opened it.

I suspect it’s best just to send it on without comment and get over it but I guess looking for advice/space to vent. Anyone else got a completely CF family member?!

Phone up the company and arrange for it to be resent in your mother's size. They tell your sister that "they'd sent the wrong size. Wouldn't fit mum at all, so I've sorted out the exchange. I'll post mum's dress once it arrives"

Ha @MargaretThursday ! Yeah I did consider showing mum and asking her if she was sure cut out waist details would really be her thing?!

🤣

Tell your sister you’ll send it when the rest of the order (your mum’s stuff) arrives so you can send all together in one parcel. Then see what she says.

The last lie was this ridiculous charade where she was over here and insisted she couldn’t collect mum and bring her to a restaurant as her car had broken down. I ended up driving all over town as I had other errands with my kids first and she turned up in her sodding car. Parking can be a pain at my mum’s place and I assume she was just trying to get out of it but ffs I was in the car two hours before we sat down and I live about fifteen minutes away from the restaurant- she’d have driven past mum’s to get there…

Yeah this is DP’s suggestion. I can just see her blowing up though as she’ll feel like she’s been found out.

I'd message her and say that you had checked over the order and there is an extra item the company have sent by accident so you've packaged it up to return. See what she says!

@AngelinaFangelina if she’s pissed off she’s made last minute changes to my mum’s travel plans which inconvenience us. At the moment she’s coming to collect her but I’m worried she’ll say dhe can’t so I or DP have to take two days out sorting it out. Again this would usually involve what I strongly suspect to be lies but can’t often prove…

^^ she’s done this in the past I mean, sorry unclear message!

I have a sister that lies about everything. To everyone. Well, maybe she doesnt lie about everything but she lies so consistently that we all assume that everything she says is untrue. She lies about things that there would be no reason to lie about. For example the colour of the jumper she bought. It used to drive me mad. I discussed it once with my therapist and she told me that I should treat my sister the same as I would treat someone with mental illness. Clearly it is a compulsion and she perhaps is mentally ill. For some reason looking at it like that was helpful for me. I no longer waste my time worrying about her behavior.

@momtoboys this is helpful, thanks. I think her behaviour currently makes me feel disrespected/stupid/manipulated and I suppose considering it a symptom of an Illness might stop me getting those feelings I guess