If I ruled Mumsnet...

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

If you start a particularly juicy thread, you have to pay a deposit. If you don't come back with an update, you lose the deposit. I know I shouldn't get so invested, but I dooooooooo.

If you post on a thread without reading all of the OP's posts, you're banned for twenty-four hours so you can think about what you did!

Any others?

I'd have an edit button!

A like and dislike button.

Good idea! I stand by most of my comments but would love to take back the typos!

Ban posters who ask AIBU, told that they are BU, then they flounce and insist they’re not BU. Why ask?!

I’d have an entire separate section for all the “outraged” threads where people are ranting about something some minor celebrity/MP/next door neighbour/mother in law has done that they Don’t Approve Of. And a way of making that section invisible so you could pretend it didn’t exist.

Well I wouldn’t delete threads just because the OP didn’t like the way it was going.

Like it used to be back in the day.

@Smokeahontas

Ban posters who ask AIBU, told that they are BU, then they flounce and insist they’re not BU. Why ask?!

I think those people would request two YANBU buttons. Or maybe a "YANBU" button and a "YANBU and also you have nice hair" button.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Well I wouldn’t delete threads just because the OP didn’t like the way it was going.

Like it used to be back in the day.

Oh, I'm definitely getting this one deleted if it doesn't go my way. We'd better keep that rule for now.

I’d ban people who don’t read the opening post. So often the post will be something like ‘my 2 year old son goes to nursery 5 days a week but my MIL wants him with her 1 day a week, AIBU to say no? DH agrees’ following posts are:

How old is your son?
How many days a week does MIL want to look after him?
What does your DH think about it?

It just clutters up the thread and adds nothing.

I’d let people edit and delete their own posts, I think it’s really weird we can’t do this.

@Neverreturntoathread

Hell no.

Fine posters who don't use the preview button. I spend ages trying to decipher what some posts mean due to typos and autocorrect nonsense.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Well I wouldn’t delete threads just because the OP didn’t like the way it was going.

Like it used to be back in the day.

YES!

I also demand...DEMAND...that every thread that gets deleted because the OP flounced gets a dedicated, ring-fenced TAAT. It shall be named "Flounce announce".

This is my word, and my word is law.

Thankyou for your attention on this matter.

Fine people who immediately reply 'get a grip' when the OP is clearly troubled by something, albeit could be a small issue to some folks, but obviously important to the OP in some way and is seeking advice. It's really unhelpful and has such a superior tone, like they've never worried about anything trivial in their lives

@UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa

If you start a particularly juicy thread, you have to pay a deposit. If you don't come back with an update, you lose the deposit. I know I shouldn't get so invested, but I dooooooooo.

If you post on a thread without reading all of the OP's posts, you're banned for twenty-four hours so you can think about what you did!

Any others?

I also support this.

Ban people who overuse the word 'deeply' as in 'your MIL sounds deeply bonkers' or 'that is deeply disturbing'. It's everywhere and it drives me deeply batshit!

Have an edit function that will turn a long block of writing with no punctuation or paragraphs into something readable.

I don't mind swearing in context, but ban posters that don't actually engage with the ops question, for example the mi6 tweet or the ones about boris, some people engage and help answer the ops question, others just want to swear and curse for , I'm not sure why, but they do, and it seems pointless if they don't answer the ops question, as it derails the thread.

I'd also bring back the ability to view all 1000 posts on a single page, rather than keep clicking through so many at a time,

Ban threads that start with nothing more than a link to the latest DailyFail celebrity news article. Yes 'Britney is pregnant', I'm looking at you!

When someone starts an interesting thread and then just doesn't come back I would personally like MNHQ to phone up the poster and ask them what the hell they are playing at.

I'd chuck everyone off the AIBU threads if that wasn't in the questions. None of this posting for traffic rubbish. Piss off to the chat board

Any poster who spelled "lose" incorrectly, which seems to be a majority of posters on here, would be suspended until they typed out "I must not make Nested lose their shit and grind their teeth until they're loose." 100 times.

Also agree with @ChristopherHayden about banning posters who can't even be bothered to read the first post properly.

I’d block everyone and run around agreeing with myself.

I agree with Usernamenotavailabletryanother