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Original poster

If I ruled Mumsnet...

225 replies

UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa · 11/04/2022 20:37

If you start a particularly juicy thread, you have to pay a deposit. If you don't come back with an update, you lose the deposit. I know I shouldn't get so invested, but I dooooooooo.

If you post on a thread without reading all of the OP's posts, you're banned for twenty-four hours so you can think about what you did!

Grin Any others?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Jacopo · 12/04/2022 01:50

A ban on writing “pmk”, “placemarking” and so on. What do they think the Watch This Thread and Bookmark buttons are for?

AnnesBrokenSlate · 12/04/2022 01:51

New posters wouldn't be able to start threads after 5pm. All the trolls come out after 10pm because they know the night watch can't cope with them.

OPs have to say which country they're in at the start of the thread if they're asking for legal or education advice.

Any parking thread without a diagram gets locked until a diagram is provided.

Any misogynistic Tattle rubbish gets the poster banned.

During election periods, political SPADs get virtual biscuits thrown at them till they go away.BiscuitBiscuit

ChaosTrulyReigns · 12/04/2022 01:52

@MardyBra

Chaos! How are you my lovely? [wunk]

How is your phone these days?

Wotcha!

All grand here, hope you are too!

Mainly a lurker now, MN a v different beast nowadays

Phone v fine now, moved to apple and they're v friffin boring reliable.

Hope life is treating you smoothly. Thanks

Whatsthepoint4 · 12/04/2022 01:56

To have the trending now links turn a different colour when you click on them. So many threads have similar titles, so I click on ones multiple times only to realise I've already read it!

NiteWotcha · 12/04/2022 01:56

All the trolls come out after 10pm because they know the night watch can't cope with them
ShockShock
How very dare you!!WinkGrin
I think the NightWatch copes very well

As you were…

AnnesBrokenSlate · 12/04/2022 02:13

Ah you do and I'm grateful for your service

But there is so much nonsense during the night. Us insomniacs would benefit from the peaceful sound of sensible threads rather than the exclamation riddled shrieking of gfs in other time zones. Wink

NiteWotcha · 12/04/2022 02:17

Aww fanks Anne

Off to look for more nonsense!

DropYourSword · 12/04/2022 02:19

I'd make the "reply" function automatically tag the person on the post I'm replying too. Makes absolutely NO SENSE this feature doesn't currently exist.

FuzzyDonkey · 12/04/2022 02:24

I'd do away with the nauseating initialisms! Sorry. Just, ugh. I'd have DH, DS, DD whatever auto-edit to read as husband, son, daughter etc.

Does anyone actually always say "my darling / dear son / husband / daughter / whatever" in real life, every time they mention them? No one I've ever met.

Swearing? Fine with me, though! lol

Pleasebeafleabite · 12/04/2022 05:22

No one should be able to start a thread about their DH and whether maintenance he pays the ex is reasonable without saying how much he actually pays and how much he earns

Yes it may be over the CMS minimum Kevin but your £25 a week is not allowing the ex to party like it’s 1999

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 12/04/2022 05:29

If you pile on an OP with cries of YABU when they haven't bloody posted in AIBU you get an automatic 7 day ban.

Weatherwax13 · 12/04/2022 05:42

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor me too. I'm my own one person echo chamber Grin

SnowyPetals · 12/04/2022 05:52

I would have a function to stop people quoting a post and then just writing "This" with no further comments.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/04/2022 07:40

@SnowyPetals

I would have a function to stop people quoting a post and then just writing "This" with no further comments.
That's why a like button would be useful.
Original poster
UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa · 12/04/2022 07:59

@RedScarfJamjar

"Flounce Announce" is brilliant! It could maybe be accompanied by a GIF.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/04/2022 08:04

@FuzzyDonkey

I'd do away with the nauseating initialisms! Sorry. Just, ugh. I'd have DH, DS, DD whatever auto-edit to read as husband, son, daughter etc.

Does anyone actually always say "my darling / dear son / husband / daughter / whatever" in real life, every time they mention them? No one I've ever met.

Swearing? Fine with me, though! lol

I completely agree with this. The D isn't needed at all. The bloody rigmarole some people go through though e.g. DDOG. Surely they spend half the time correcting the AutoCorrect?
worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 08:17

I would ban all the ones who point out someones spelling or grammar mistake , when they know full well the poster means and they are adding nothing to the thread.
Its just a dicksh thing to do

RedScarfJamjar · 12/04/2022 08:26

[quote UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]@RedScarfJamjar

"Flounce Announce" is brilliant! It could maybe be accompanied by a GIF.[/quote]
Indeed. I'm thinking something dramatic and Flamenco-ish...

StrangeCondition · 12/04/2022 08:28

I'd ban the people who copy and paste the whole OP before they comment. Why do they do that? WHY?

SirChenjins · 12/04/2022 08:34

I’d have a ‘Tea and Sympathy’ topic where only positive, supportive posts were allowed. Anyone unfamiliar with that concept or not able to cope with it would be banned from posting on it and would have to fuck off back to Twitter.

Maireas · 12/04/2022 08:55

I'd do away with those daft initials DH, DS etc. There was an entire thread where I totally misunderstood what was going on until I realised they were using DD for dad not daughter.

Maireas · 12/04/2022 08:58

@TheNestedIf

Any poster who spelled "lose" incorrectly, which seems to be a majority of posters on here, would be suspended until they typed out "I must not make Nested lose their shit and grind their teeth until they're loose." 100 times.

Also agree with @ChristopherHayden about banning posters who can't even be bothered to read the first post properly.

Oh. Dear. Lord. Can no-one use it correctly? I really have to restrain myself when I see that.
Lockheart · 12/04/2022 09:05

No posting on AIBU for traffic. Post in the correct forum.

I'd ban the rubberneckers, ghouls, and gullible twits who placemark, post the same "Hope you're OK OP please give me an update" or who beg for updates either on the thread or on new threads they start.

You'd have to sign a disclaimer saying you understand the only person wasting your time on here is you. No bitching and whining that another poster has wasted your time.

RedScarfJamjar · 12/04/2022 09:24

I do think there should be a sticker at the top of AIBU signposting other subforums that might be more useful to the poster.

Something like "Are you about to post for traffic? STOP AND READ THESE LINKS" and then a handy link to chat/feminism/style/weddings (looking particularly at you there weddings). It also might liven the rest of the boards up a bit.

I think a lot of people arrive on Mumsnet via AIBU, I've been here since 2016 and only found out about chat about 2 years ago...Blush

MardyOldGoth · 12/04/2022 09:31

@BruceAndNosh

There needs to be some fancy algorithm so that once a dozen posters have told the OP that she shouldn't have introduced boyfriend to her kids after only 1 month /6 months/a year no one else can post the same like they're the only person to have this deep insight
Hell yes!