If I ruled Mumsnet...

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

If you start a particularly juicy thread, you have to pay a deposit. If you don't come back with an update, you lose the deposit. I know I shouldn't get so invested, but I dooooooooo.

If you post on a thread without reading all of the OP's posts, you're banned for twenty-four hours so you can think about what you did!

Any others?

A think before you post pop up! If you're responding to somebody just to be a bitch then it will give an extra few seconds to think.

A rich people corner for those on salaries over £75k. You can't tell those on less than £20k to make some cuts to holidays and hobbies.... they can't afford them in the first place. You also can't claim that £450 in child maintenance is pittance.

If anyone tries to type 'so, your saying...' would have their post zapped. Because the person they are purporting to reply to never said anything in the same post code as that. Surely even 6th formers are more sophisticated debaters.
And up speak. If it's a statement, don't add a sodding '?'. Now that I know is a battle lost, or should I say, a battle lost?

I think there should be automatic links to ONS statistics regarding income on any thread of the "What income do you need to feel comfortable"/"Is x amount normal"/ "I'm on 80k, am I poooorrrrr?" ilk.

Just to avoid the "But everyone I know earns six figures! How can the average income be £30ishk?"

I'd have a whole "subject/heading" called MIL's right of reply!

I'd ban the phrase "spidey senses" (no you don't have sodding "spidey senses" and are not superhuman: you have simply realised something that's blindingly obvious).

I'd also ban "kick off" (as in "become upset"). It makes whoever uses it sound like a character in a particularly shite soap opear.

I’d ban “getting my shit together” - unless the poster is a teenager, in which case they’re forgiven.

"I doubled down" needs to go.
What does it even mean?

You should be unable to post a reply unless you can prove that you have used "see all" and read at least 5 posts above your reply.

I’d ban people who post on a thread with loads of replies to say exactly what everyone else has already said (like “Cancel the cheque”). It’s boring and it doesn’t add anything - a bit like continuing a work meeting for the sake of hearing yourself speak.

Lifeistooshorttocleanfloors

I'd ban the phrase "spidey senses" (no you don't have sodding "spidey senses" and are not superhuman: you have simply realised something that's blindingly obvious).

I'd also ban "kick off" (as in "become upset").

Totally agree.
I'd also ban "call out", "haters/z" and "bashers/bashing".

Posts starting "To..." wouldn't be allowed unless they were on AIBU or the poster puts "AIBU" before the "to".
Eg "To like this skirt?" looks silly on a board called "Style & Beauty" whereas "AIBU to like this skirt?" makes sense.

Absolutely agree with others who wish for a way to edit our own posts. I read through and preview my posts and it’s only when it’s up there and too late that I’ll notice the glaring and bloomin obvious typo!
I don’t think the website is as user friendly on a mobile, so I’d change that. (Or maybe that’s because I’m rubbish with my phone?!)
I also don’t believe there’s enough consistency in the policing of threads by MN. There have been some posts that are deleted and everyone (other than who has reported it and MN) has questioned why as the post seemed fine and then on the other hand I’ve read some posts that clearly breach talk guidelines but remain. It makes no sense sometimes.
I also really wish people read the full thread sometimes…..!

@midsomermurderess

If anyone tries to type 'so, your saying...' would have their post zapped. Because the person they are purporting to reply to never said anything in the same post code as that. Surely even 6th formers are more sophisticated debaters. And up speak. If it's a statement, don't add a sodding '?'. Now that I know is a battle lost, or should I say, a battle lost?

I thought that you were going to say zap it because it should be 'you're' and not 'your'.

And for that, you’re gone from MN @Sparklingbrook

🤭

@SirChenjins

I’d have a ‘Tea and Sympathy’ topic where only positive, supportive posts were allowed. Anyone unfamiliar with that concept or not able to cope with it would be banned from posting on it and would have to fuck off back to Twitter.

This is a great idea. As much as I sound like one of the oldies complaining about how MN used to be, increasingly it seems that there are many more people posting unnecessarily harsh comments in situations where the OP is genuinely distressed.

@SirChenjins

And for that, you’re gone from MN *@Sparklingbrook*

I think I have been cancelled many times on here.

I would give everyone a rating to appear with username. Supportive, kind, empathetic, wise, considered, you are a 10. Mean, cruel, knocking people when already down, you are a 1. Asking someone why on earth they had a child / another child for whatever reason, you are barred.

anyone who says 'you sound vile' 'I feel sorry for your children'
we shouldn't need 'lighthearted' to signify that a thread is for fun but sadly because of the hard of thinking we do. Can we get rid of the hard of thinking?

Also answer the question, please.

If the OP says, "I have XX to spend on my wedding, could you help me with venue ideas", zap all the answers that say "it's horrendous to spend XX on a wedding, why don't you have 10 people in a register office and then everyone trots off for a meal down the pub."

Or "We are planning a trip to Florida for the family, but we don't like theme parks, any suggestions of where to go", zap replies that start with "Oh, we love Disney World, why don't you want to go there?"

The hard of thinking and the exhaustingly over-earnest.

Get rid of the 1,000 post limit & allow editing/delete a post! I love your idea of leaving a deposit . There was a certain thread (can’t say which one) not so long ago, where OP didn’t give an update despite so many people giving their help!

OPs who attempt to post an opening post that is a massive block of text with no paragraphs and limited punctuation will be unable to post it until they revise it enough for it to be comprehensible.

On the other hand though posters who read a long emotional OP from someone who is clearly distressed and comment with “it’s lose, not loose” or “it’s you’re depressed, not your depressed” should be banned for a very long time.

I think an edit button would be a nightmare. Threads would be incomprehensible as you’d have people replying to previous posts that are then later updated. At the moment threads have a chronological narrative that I think it would be a shame to lose.

@CowboyFromHell

I think an edit button would be a nightmare. Threads would be incomprehensible as you’d have people replying to previous posts that are then later updated. At the moment threads have a chronological narrative that I think it would be a shame to lose.

I think they should allow you to still see the original post if they allow the function to edit

@LaMarschallin

Lifeistooshorttocleanfloors

I'd ban the phrase "spidey senses" (no you don't have sodding "spidey senses" and are not superhuman: you have simply realised something that's blindingly obvious).

I'd also ban "kick off" (as in "become upset").

Totally agree.
I'd also ban "call out", "haters/z" and "bashers/bashing".

Posts starting "To..." wouldn't be allowed unless they were on AIBU or the poster puts "AIBU" before the "to".
Eg "To like this skirt?" looks silly on a board called "Style & Beauty" whereas "AIBU to like this skirt?" makes sense.

Oh God, yes. "Call out". No you are not duelling with someone, FFS.

Also agree with you about "haters/z" and "bashers".

It never happened in the Good Old Days

@SummerHouse

I would give everyone a rating to appear with username. Supportive, kind, empathetic, wise, considered, you are a 10. Mean, cruel, knocking people when already down, you are a 1. Asking someone why on earth they had a child / another child for whatever reason, you are barred.

I love this idea.