If I ruled Mumsnet...

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

If you start a particularly juicy thread, you have to pay a deposit. If you don't come back with an update, you lose the deposit. I know I shouldn't get so invested, but I dooooooooo.

If you post on a thread without reading all of the OP's posts, you're banned for twenty-four hours so you can think about what you did!

Any others?

@frugalkitty

I'd have an edit button!

Yes. Even if it's just for the first 5 minutes so you can edit typos.

Is that why I get so many biscuit emojis aimed at me...?

Well, LaMarschallin, I can't tell whether or not you're amused because there are no smilies for reference.

Automatic suspension if you type ‘would of/could of’ or ‘que’ when you mean ‘queue’ or get lose/loose/your/you’re/his/he’s wrong. 😬

UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa

Oh, alright then.
Just because I'm enjoying the thread...

Haha. Also: lol.

(I do occasionally lob in the odd or something. Recently I've even made free with a .
But I don't like the latter because it looks like a scary skull.)

@ArtVandalay

Automatic suspension if you type ‘would of/could of’ or ‘que’ when you mean ‘queue’ or get lose/loose/your/you’re/his/he’s wrong. 😬

So you'd ban people who are maybe dyslexic, or have had an inferior education?

Aren't you lovely.

Okay, how about a compromise, LaMarschallin? You get 10 emojis per year. If you waste them all in one go, too bad!

@ArtVandalay

Automatic suspension if you type ‘would of/could of’ or ‘que’ when you mean ‘queue’ or get lose/loose/your/you’re/his/he’s wrong. 😬

No to this. I'd rather ban the SPAG police.

I'd make a maximum 5 comments per day rule.

You'd have to really want that "this" "placemarking" "diagram!" "get a grip you vile cunty fuck puddle".

I'd force people who resurrect zombie threads from 9 odd years ago to explain themselves then give a temporary ban. I mean asking what happened almost a decade later is nuts.

Also I'd ban anyone who resurrects the T Rexing in Asda thread again.

UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa

That seems sensible

Damn!

Down to nine...

I nearly resurrected a zombie thread that I started years before once. I mean no one would have known I started it due to name changes, but still .

When I first used MN I'm sure we put our kids down as DD1 (2) and DD2 (1) so it was birth order then age in brackets. But yes, a hard no to using school years. Takes me ages to work out year 2 is 6-7 now my own kids are well past that stage.

Personally, my rule would be no one could post on a 4 page plus thread, unless they had at the least read all of the OPs posts. A big memo could flash up RTFT before you could post.

End DH, DS etc. just put the words lol

I’d ban posters who have no idea that education, health, social care etc etc are different in the various parts of the UK, can’t get their head around the concept, and default to the English system for everything. Ditto posters who conflate England and the UK.

@LaMarschallin

Damn!

Down to nine...

Saving one for an emergency!

If I ruled Mumsnet and the thread ran to 1000 words I'd have an automatic function that continues it, and the OP doesn't have to start a new thread while everyone is champing at the bit to continue talking until OP returns with another update!

It would have the same heading and just say part 2, and the op would still be the right colour to stand out above other posters. And maybe they'd be more likely to return to let the world know how things are!

Can I request a ban for posters who regularly bring up brexit, it seems to appear more when threads on current affairs are started but I have seen it on other threads too and I just want to tell them to jog on!!!

“ If you do this you obviously voted to leave” , “if you agree with such and such you definitely voted leave “ if you vote Tory your a brexiteer- argghhh just move the fuck on, brexit happened a few years ago now! If people have a different opinion to yourself it doesn’t mean they are brexiteers ( what even does that mean) vote Tory or are the spawn of Satan, it just means they don’t agree with you, accept the difference of opinion and move on with your life rather than being stuck in some weird brexit Tory hating haze! Life is honestly too short

I'd also stop people being able to say: "what whatevertheirnameis says", because then you have to scroll back to find whatevertheirnameis to see what the hell they say that was so great! And they always seem to infuriatingly vanish into thin air

I’d also ban people who say “you sound very X” (insert some insult here) without giving any explanation as to how they’ve reached that conclusion (probably because they can’t and they’re just being a dick)

I would ban (or maybe discourage because 'ban' is rather harsh), people from calling their baby, 'Baby', rather than my, our or the the baby, and from saying "We are pregnant", when only one half of a partnership can be pregnant (usually).

I would ban people who posted sooo boring threads.
Wouldnt make me popular though!

Yes, posters whose OP is overly long and often one paragraph.

@lightand

I would ban people who posted sooo boring threads. Wouldnt make me popular though!

Wait...this one doesn't count, right?

No. This one is ok!

Phew!