People who say 'im shit at replying ' to texts...

[Pileonsally]

Cards on table i am a phone addict so I appreciate that I pretty much reply to every Message I get immediately.

I have a couple of close friends, been close friends for years...and they just don't reply to texts! Chstty ones, gossipy ones, serious ones.

I recently sent a long message to a friend saying I was having a shit time and struggling. They put 'in work, will text you later x.
OK totally fine with that. ..
6 days later no reply....
I just texted them again and they put 'i do care im just shit at replying'
To me i feel like if they did care they would remember to text because they care about me.
When people don't reply I feel as though they are saying 'I don't give a fuck about you'.

Before people suggest it, I dont bombard these 2 people with texts (I text my other phone addicts). This was first time I had texted this friend in 2 weeks.

Do you think its ok to say 'sorry im just shit at replying'? And the other person just has to accept being ignored?

@SartresSoul

My oldest and closest friend was like this, it drove me mad. I think the worst thing was when I’d send something really serious and I could see he’d read it but he didn’t reply. It’s exceptionally rude. If you’re busy when you read it then fine, just send a quick message to acknowledge the fact you have seen it and will reply later then actually reply later when you get chance. He would leave me on read for weeks, sometimes months.

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this. Shame because we’d known each other since nursery and were best friends from the age of 10 but there you go.

Some people are just rude, there’s no other excuse for it really.

Extraordinary lack of self awareness on your part. You are the exact definition of the fair weather friend. Your poor ex-friend having to deal with your demands and expectations while in the throes of deep grief.

SartresSoul you're getting a hard time for dropping your friend in his hour of need but actually I think you did the right thing. Reading it in context, it sounds as though your friend has been phasing you out over the previous year with his very slow replies to texts, which then makes sense why he didn't contact you in his hour of need and didn't reply to your overtures of friendliness. It looks to me as though the friendship was pretty much over before his mum got sick and passed away, and I'd say accepting that and not contacting him any more is the right thing to do. You can't force someone to be friends with you if they don't want to.

Sorry I know this thread is 3 months old, but I completely resonate with you OP. I have a friend who's always got phone near her, on Instagram or messaging her boyfriend. I have messaged her before about meeting up and she reads the message but doesn't reply. Then a month later I get a 'oh I'm sorry I'm so rubbish at replying to messages'. I've spoken to her about this and she says sometimes when she gets a long message she feels overwhelmed and can't be bothered to reply. I appreciated her honestly. I sent a very short message recently asking how she is, and if she's free to meet up. Same story, got left on read. It's beyond rude and I have kind of got the hint that she's just not that bothered about staying in touch. I have now distanced myself from her a lot as I'm not that high up in priorities clearly.

I agree with this.

Texting means that you're able to deliver your message instantly, but it's asynchronous communication. If someone doesn't pick up the phone, then your rant stays with you.

If a friend texted me a big info-dump then I would know that I was in for - and if I felt bad myself I might not be ready for that. If they just said, I've had a really shit day could we talk later, then I can let them know and deal with it at an agreed time.

Some people are blinded to their immediate need and don't even imagine that someone else has needs too in that moment.

I hate this. I texted a friend in Covid to say I was feeling lonely and she never replied. It took a lot to reach out and say that, and I felt hurt. It stung a lot.

As the saying goes, people make time for the things that matter...

I absolutely agree with @WildPoinsettia

If someone texted me something worrying/sad/urgent/etc I would get back to them as they are clearly looking for support then or as soon as possible if I was at work between breaks I’d wait until my break as I don’t use phone in the ward. Or I would phone. But occasionally with some light texts I think right I must reply start it and get distracted by kids or whatever and forget. I really just try harder but friends understand, we all have lives, work, families and stresses of our own but I think if a friend means something to you you should make an effort - that goes both ways however.

I don't mind if someone occasionally forgets to text back, we all do it. I realized yesterday I hadn't replied to a message in a group chat.

Generally though, it's always the same people and it really winds me up.

No matter how busy I am, I try to make time for my friends and be proactive and responsive to them.

The ones with the jobs that are so much busier and more important than mine or the ones who lost their ability to be a decent friend once the first baby is born.

It's bullshit. No-one is too busy to send a text within a reasonable timeframe.

If someone never messages and replies, they don't care enough to make an effort.

What you do with your time and phone is your business. It's all about YOU. Keep that in mind when plaguing other people with YOUR trivia. Your passing thoughts are no more interesting to anyone else than your burps, farts, twitches and mumbled mutterings to yourself.

You don't own anybody else's attention and time or phone. Keep that in mind.