People who say 'im shit at replying ' to texts...

[Pileonsally]

Cards on table i am a phone addict so I appreciate that I pretty much reply to every Message I get immediately.

I have a couple of close friends, been close friends for years...and they just don't reply to texts! Chstty ones, gossipy ones, serious ones.

I recently sent a long message to a friend saying I was having a shit time and struggling. They put 'in work, will text you later x.
OK totally fine with that. ..
6 days later no reply....
I just texted them again and they put 'i do care im just shit at replying'
To me i feel like if they did care they would remember to text because they care about me.
When people don't reply I feel as though they are saying 'I don't give a fuck about you'.

Before people suggest it, I dont bombard these 2 people with texts (I text my other phone addicts). This was first time I had texted this friend in 2 weeks.

Do you think its ok to say 'sorry im just shit at replying'? And the other person just has to accept being ignored?

Am not a particularly needy person, nor am I someone who is glued to their phone. I also have a very full, busy life (despite being child-free! Astonishing to some PP, I know ) So if it's a non-urgent or very long message, I will do it at a time which suits me as they get a higher quality response that way.

However, if a close friend tells me they are struggling or unhappy, I text back ASAP and usually arrange a call or a f2f catch-up, send a card/present/flowers.

Unless they are a drama queen and making a mountain out of a molehill is usual for them. None of my friends are this way inclined though.

@SartresSoul

My oldest and closest friend was like this, it drove me mad. I think the worst thing was when I’d send something really serious and I could see he’d read it but he didn’t reply. It’s exceptionally rude. If you’re busy when you read it then fine, just send a quick message to acknowledge the fact you have seen it and will reply later then actually reply later when you get chance. He would leave me on read for weeks, sometimes months.

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this. Shame because we’d known each other since nursery and were best friends from the age of 10 but there you go.

Some people are just rude, there’s no other excuse for it really.

Having lost a parent this year I find this really sad. In the throes of grief he didn't respond or say thank you for the flowers? God knows what he was going through and then the friendship ended because of that?

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this.

Wow. That's exceptional egotism. Just wow.

His mother was dying and you are annoyed that responding to you was not a priority? That in his grief he wasn't focused on you?

Wow. The only rude person in that scenario is you.

What kind of person sees a friend losing a parent and thinks they should be centred not the friend.

That sums up the self-centredness of posters here calling for grudges and vindictive behaviour because others don't drop everything to respond to a text notification.

"My friend was consumed by grief after watching his mum die, so I cut him off. Feel sorry for me."

Please come back and tell us that's not real.

@Pileonsally

OP here Thanks for the responses.

I guess some people don't like texting and some do. I hate people ringing me when I've texted them. Suppose its just trying to accept that people don't communicate the same way.

Well perhaps they hate that you text all the time.

Why would you hate it when someone calls especially if you texted to say you needed support?

@BigYellowHat

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement

Nope.

I choose the times I am on here. It is my choice to take a moment or three off work. And I am not usually on my phone!

100% @draramallama

I'm guilty of this. I work full time, I have a toddler, I don't have time to sit texting. I'm happy to speak on the phone but often someone texts, I read it, then get distracted by something and forget to respond.

Fortunately I have good friends who don't judge our friendships on text message response times.

@SartresSoul

My oldest and closest friend was like this, it drove me mad. I think the worst thing was when I’d send something really serious and I could see he’d read it but he didn’t reply. It’s exceptionally rude. If you’re busy when you read it then fine, just send a quick message to acknowledge the fact you have seen it and will reply later then actually reply later when you get chance. He would leave me on read for weeks, sometimes months.

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this. Shame because we’d known each other since nursery and were best friends from the age of 10 but there you go.

Some people are just rude, there’s no other excuse for it really.

Some people are just rude, yes. However in this case it's not your friend.

They were dealing with a terminally I'll parent and their subsequent fealty yet you are upset they didn't reach out to you.

Self absorbed doesn't cover it. Again not your friend....

I am like this. But I do have two young toddlers which is why. Oh and I'm forgetful.

I would reply to a text faster if my friends were feeling down though.

My friends have just learnt to do the same back to me! And I honestly don't mind! I have a friend who I messaged on the 19th of Jan and still no reply... that's life sometimes isn't it?

I used to be able to message back straight away Pre kids when I was commuting to work on public transport, and then on my lunch break.

I'm a low maintenance friend who would drop anything if one of my friends really needed me, I'd do anything for them. I don't have to speak to someone everyday , every month or whatever to feel like we are friends.

If a friend didn't respond (in any way, not just by texting) to you saying you are struggling then you are well within your rights to be pissed off at that. A promise to text can be forgotten about easily, however to forget for 6 days that a friend said they are struggling is pretty rotten.

I hate it if people continually blank texts altogether (with no other form of communication used to reply) and then laugh it off and say 'oh I forgot, I am awful at texting'. It comes across as quite dismissive and as though they don't appreciate you staying in touch with them, or telling them whatever text said. If the text was about something they were particularly keen to hear about, they'd probably reply immediately which is insulting. The occasional missed text is fair enough, as these things happen, but I don't think it is very nice if someone takes the time to send a text asking how I am, and for me to not reply at all.

If they just take a while to reply (to a normal every day text, not one where you say you are struggling) then it is annoying but then, there is still effort there to communicate and respond.

You are too needy. Peoples lives don't revolve around there lives unlike yours

Question.
Is it ever too late to reply? have an outstanding message from an acquaintance who I like well enough, but has moved away so we don't see each other and unlikely to...
she texted I think before Xmas but I haven't replied because I want to send a long juicy reply and then didn't and now it's obviously fallen off my WhatsApp inbox by miles...
should she drop me like a hot potato??
I mean there are friends and friends right?

Firstly texting is an absolute shit form of messaging which is perfect for quick messages or funny little conversations but not big conversations. You can’t have a proper heart to heart over a text message. Call you friend or say “ Can we meet because I could do with a friend right now”. The other issue I have personally is that my friend has a lot of crisis but they’re caused in some part by her repeating the same behaviour. So she’s feeling terrible repeatedly but won’t change the behaviour which is frustrating when you’re hearing the same complaint. I look at the text and sigh inwardly because I’m going to have to go over old ground. Not saying that’s what’s happening here but it accounts for why I’m not in a big hurry to respond.

Unless someone texts to ask me a direct question, such as are you free for a coffee tomorrow, then I don't bother replying.
I don't have other communication platforms either, such as WhatsApp.
I like my time to be exactly that, mine. I don't want interrupting with random shite that you've seen online, or a ridiculous textathon about your cat, kids or whatever.

@breakdown19 it depends if you want to keep up the relationship or not. If you do then reply, you can explain you've been busy/ill or whatever. She knows you're not going to be priority friendships for each other, so it's a different circumstance to OP. But if I was her and you didn't reply ever, I wouldn't contact you again either.

If you don't want in stay in touch because you think it's pointless now she's moved away as you'll never meet, then don't reply or just a brief polite reply that doesn't encourage further conversation. It's not possible to stay in touch with absolutely everyone you meet and like, forever. So sometimes you will have to decide you just don't care about that person enough to stay in touch, then let it fade.

It's not wrong to phase someone out. It's bad to insist you're still friends and contact them when you want something, whilst never bothering to reply to their texts. Whether you prefer to text back or call or arrange to meet. It's not people who don't like texts who are the problem, it's people who don't contact their friends regularly who are the problem.

@breakdown19

Question. Is it ever too late to reply? have an outstanding message from an acquaintance who I like well enough, but has moved away so we don't see each other and unlikely to... she texted I think before Xmas but I haven't replied because I want to send a long juicy reply and then didn't and now it's obviously fallen off my WhatsApp inbox by miles... should she drop me like a hot potato?? I mean there are friends and friends right?

I definitely don't think it is too late to reply. Just explain you have been busy and were wanting to write a proper full reply to them.

@Norgie

Unless someone texts to ask me a direct question, such as are you free for a coffee tomorrow, then I don't bother replying. I don't have other communication platforms either, such as WhatsApp. I like my time to be exactly that, mine. I don't want interrupting with random shite that you've seen online, or a ridiculous textathon about your cat, kids or whatever.

That's a bit harsh

Thanks @Purpleraspberry and @WildPoinsettia

I wonder if the difference is whether you were a heavy user of instant messaging back when that was more of a thing? I've absolutely had heart to heart conversations over instant messenger and I tend to see text, especially WhatsApp, as being similar to that.

@BertieBotts

I wonder if the difference is whether you were a heavy user of instant messaging back when that was more of a thing? I've absolutely had heart to heart conversations over instant messenger and I tend to see text, especially WhatsApp, as being similar to that.

I mean, I used to message loads when I was younger (and I still do have heart-to-hearts by messenger), but I would still ask the other person how they were/if they were free for a proper chat before launching into all my problems by text.

OP says she "sent a long message to a friend saying I was having a shit time and struggling." and I just..I don't know, think pretty rude/insensitive to just dump that on someone out of the blue.

It shows a bit of a disregard for the other persons time/emotional state. I'm more than happy to listen and help my friends but I wouldn't want to receive a text like that at work - it's pretty inappropriate.

I just think that even if you're struggling, the decent thing to do is to see if your friend is free/available first before trying to have a heart-to-heart with them.

I am relatively good at replying but only if it's when I'm working at my desk and I have WhatsApp desktop open.

I work full time and 50 plus hour weeks are the norm. If you WhatsApp me post 8 pm I may be too exhausted to reply. We also put our mobiles in a box in the hallway in the evening so we can be phone free for a bit.

Im also trying to be a good parent, wife and exercise etc. not every message will be answered immediately!

Yes I do agree with that.

I find texting dreadful at communicating anything meaningful. Not that it 'never' can but think there is a big difference between 'See you by the station at 3' and 'My relative has died very unexpectedly' - which may open the door to an involved back and forth conversation. I find it really difficult to switch between throwaway bullet point type things and more emotional or carefully thought out stuff, which may be happening if I'm trying to be in touch with more than 1 person. Out of respect, in a way, I'm probably only prepared to use text for quick and superficial messages that don't carry much at stake, and would prefer to talk for longer, but it looks as if some are hurt by that.

I’m not a phone addict and I don’t always check my phone every day. It’s pretty safe to say that I am not very good at responding to texts. So much so, that I rarely get any.

If it’s urgent, people ring me up and speak to me instead.