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Original poster

People who say 'im shit at replying ' to texts...

184 replies

Pileonsally · 31/01/2022 22:27

Cards on table i am a phone addict so I appreciate that I pretty much reply to every Message I get immediately.

I have a couple of close friends, been close friends for years...and they just don't reply to texts! Chstty ones, gossipy ones, serious ones.

I recently sent a long message to a friend saying I was having a shit time and struggling. They put 'in work, will text you later x.
OK totally fine with that. ..
6 days later no reply....
I just texted them again and they put 'i do care im just shit at replying'
To me i feel like if they did care they would remember to text because they care about me.
When people don't reply I feel as though they are saying 'I don't give a fuck about you'.

Before people suggest it, I dont bombard these 2 people with texts (I text my other phone addicts). This was first time I had texted this friend in 2 weeks.

Do you think its ok to say 'sorry im just shit at replying'? And the other person just has to accept being ignored?

OP posts:
MrFsAunt · 01/02/2022 08:50

@Faevern

OP dare I say it, as a phone addict who replies immediately your pretty shit at replying on this thread. Sleep is no excuse Wink
Grin
Sleepyquest · 01/02/2022 08:51

[quote MadameHeisenberg]@Sleepyquest

Why would they? It’s not like you’re the first woman to ever be pregnant, it’s literally an occurrence that happens billions of times. Most people in the Western world have uneventful pregnancies, especially by the 3rd trimester. Your pregnancy is really of insignificant interest to all but yourself, your partner and possibly the grandparents.[/quote]
Well with that logic, we would never ask friends anything because billions of people go for job interviews, break up with partners, plan weddings, go on holiday Smile

MangoLipstick · 01/02/2022 08:59

If a friend text me saying she was having a crap time, I would text back asap, it’s not something I could forget, unless you have something personal going on in your own life ie new baby, busy home life with kids, stressful job, illness in family etc.
Having said that, I have been guilty of not responding for a few days to normal everyday messages in the past, simply because I read them quickly when I was distracted doing something else, then promptly forgot about them. I don’t really like going back and forwards on texts, Dh is much better at picking up the phone then me, he finds it annoying texting incessantly, so will just ring the person (if the person is asking lots of questions etc) it’s much quicker!

persephone19 · 01/02/2022 09:01

So much drama and neediness on this thread. If I don't get a reply to a text I just assume the person is busy or distracted. I always assumed my friends felt the same but the level of neuroticism on this thread is making me wonder.

BigYellowHat · 01/02/2022 09:02

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement Hmm

RampantIvy · 01/02/2022 09:06

@BigYellowHat

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement Hmm
I hate texting, but I will ring someone instead. I use my laptop for mumsnet.
TeachesOfPeaches · 01/02/2022 09:07

The problem with replying to texts straight away is that the person will immediately text back and then you're stuck on a back and forth for ages.

If you don't reply then people won't text you - unless you're OP and you send paragraphs of text saying how shit you feel to someone you've not spoken to for 2 weeks

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 01/02/2022 09:15

@BigYellowHat

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement Hmm
It's really not the same though.

You can write a response on here and then disappear for hours/days and it doesn't matter. Nobody is going to get offended because you don't reply to their comment about MN chicken or toilet brushes or how often you wash your towels Wink

Imyourvenus · 01/02/2022 09:18

They really don’t care if they can’t be arsed to reply, takes seconds.

SarahAndQuack · 01/02/2022 09:30

@BigYellowHat

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement Hmm
No ... you can use MN on your laptop! With a proper keyboard.
anon12345678901 · 01/02/2022 09:32

@Pileonsally

OP here Thanks for the responses.

I guess some people don't like texting and some do. I hate people ringing me when I've texted them. Suppose its just trying to accept that people don't communicate the same way.

But if they ring you, you can talk about how you feel? You do need to accept other people have different communication styles. That doesn't make them bad friends.
BertieBotts · 01/02/2022 09:39

That feels like you saying 'I've only got time for you if its a genuine emergency and if so you should ring'

No, they're saying "You don't need to wait for an emergency to ring me. Ring me any time you feel like a chat." If they can't answer they will phone you back.

MadameHeisenberg · 01/02/2022 09:50

@Sleepyquest

It’s the insinuation that because you’re pregnant you’re therefore special and more worthy of receiving texts to ask how you’re doing. Maybe the people you’re moaning about not having texted, as you say, have job interviews or relationship problems?

Once again, most people aren’t interested in pregnancies other than their own.

felulageller · 01/02/2022 09:50

For me it's because if I open a text when I'm in the middle of something it will no longer show as bold/unread. If it's important I'll plan to do a proper reply when I'm not consumed with whatevers happening. But then that gets lost because I'll think I've already replied.

If you really want someone, call.

Texts are for non urgent hellos imo.

sweetbellyhigh · 01/02/2022 10:22

@BigYellowHat

Oh the irony of the people saying they hate texting…by responding on MN which is practically the same as texting but with less individual engagement Hmm
Nothing ironic about it
kavalkada · 01/02/2022 10:43

It took me more than a decade to start treating people the way they treat me. You don’t answer my texts? No, problem. I shall not bother answering yours. You’re always late? All right, next time you’ll wait for me. You are not bothered to remember my birthday? Sorted.

I’m much happier since I have applied these rules to my relationships (I cried a lot before).

So, OP, you sound lovely. Save your energy and kidness for people who deserve it. And next time that friend sends you a text, don’t answer.

RedToothBrush · 01/02/2022 10:47

Just ring them at a reasonable time!!!

Texting seems to be an abdication where you can say youve communicated but not really communicating in a meaningful way.

Its convenient to text in the middle of the day. People cannot always just reply. And they do just forget in the midst of everything else they have got going on.

Give some thought to WHEN and HOW you communicate and whether that might not be ideal.

YellowMonday · 01/02/2022 10:50

It took me more than a decade to start treating people the way they treat me. You don’t answer my texts? No, problem. I shall not bother answering yours. You’re always late? All right, next time you’ll wait for me. You are not bothered to remember my birthday? Sorted.

This is such good advice.

For me, I simply put aside 10 minutes a day to check in on my messages, usually when I'm chilling on the couch watching TV. Everyone can find 10 minutes in their day, it's all about making the effort and being organised.

Friendship isn't without effort.

That being said, with my closest friends I have dedicated times which we "old school" call each other which works for both of us. For example one friend who lives interstate is the last Sunday of the month, while another is every Friday morning when we co-ordinate a long walk at the same time.

BertieBotts · 01/02/2022 10:52

I do struggle with that - how do you know what a reasonable time is to ring someone?

Like during the day someone might be working but evenings are tricky if you have small children and they might be eating dinner and then how late is too late?

SnowWhitesSM · 01/02/2022 11:25

*It took me more than a decade to start treating people the way they treat me. You don’t answer my texts? No, problem. I shall not bother answering yours. You’re always late? All right, next time you’ll wait for me. You are not bothered to remember my birthday? Sorted.

This is such good advice*

No it's really not. It's doing things because others have done them so you're not staying true to yourself. If my mate is late I don't hold a grudge and plan a revenge of being late the next time I see her. Who really has the time or headspace to think like that. That's insecurity.

If you have good friends and they're late, or they don't respond to you, or they forget your birthday that doesn't mean it's personal. Don't take others actions as a personal slight if they're your friends. Sometimes you will be late, sometimes you'll forget a birthday, why does there have to be a bad intent around this? Why can you not accept that other peoples worlds don't revolve around you and it's not a slight.

Treat people in a way that makes you happy. One of my mates didn't turn up for my birthday party, she's a bit flakey anyway. On her birthday I organised a meal out with her and the rest in our group. I had a great time seeing everyone. Why would I hold a grudge and then cut my nose off when it was her birthday. She might have forgot my birthday but when I was in trouble with abusive ex she came straight over with a new lock, changed my locks and sat and drank wine with me for the rest of the night. I couldn't imagine being so petty to hold grudges and lose out on my friendships over point scoring lateness!

SartresSoul · 01/02/2022 11:25

My oldest and closest friend was like this, it drove me mad. I think the worst thing was when I’d send something really serious and I could see he’d read it but he didn’t reply. It’s exceptionally rude. If you’re busy when you read it then fine, just send a quick message to acknowledge the fact you have seen it and will reply later then actually reply later when you get chance. He would leave me on read for weeks, sometimes months.

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this. Shame because we’d known each other since nursery and were best friends from the age of 10 but there you go.

Some people are just rude, there’s no other excuse for it really.

Toomanyradishes · 01/02/2022 12:22

I have a friend who will text me every day upwards of 30 texts, she expects immediate responses to them and they are often links to videos i am expected to watch and comment on, even if its of things i am not interested in. If she sends 5 videos and I only comment of 4 she will keep asking about the 5th to make sure i watch that too. When I asked for a couple of days once because I needed some headspace i got bombarded with memes about 'if you love your friend give them space'. If i dont respond within 48 hours she sends my dh facebook messages to check im okay because she is worried about me.

She knows i work full time, im studying for a degree part time, i have pets etc. I also know she is the sort of person to moan if someone doesnt respond immediatly that they are a bad friend, but honestly in this senario im not sure i am the bad friend if i dont always respond.

Naimee87 · 01/02/2022 12:25

I had to learn to adapt to others ways of communicating. My bf and sister are very slow to answer texts and initially i took it farily personally but lately i've really noticed how draining texting can be. I've always been a 'it only takes two minutes to reply' but actually someone posted that this isn't always the case. Thoughtful replies/responses do take time. Not necessarily 6 days, this is a little extreme for someone who is considered to be a good friend. And if your job is typing/screen based the last thing you want to do is get stuck in a text conversation as well. It could also be a generation thing too, youngsters are on their phones 24/7 and are so used to 'instant/live contact' perhaps it's just me but i'm more a fan of slow paced life and catching up with people when you really have the time to do so.

Juniper68 · 01/02/2022 12:26

@SartresSoul

My oldest and closest friend was like this, it drove me mad. I think the worst thing was when I’d send something really serious and I could see he’d read it but he didn’t reply. It’s exceptionally rude. If you’re busy when you read it then fine, just send a quick message to acknowledge the fact you have seen it and will reply later then actually reply later when you get chance. He would leave me on read for weeks, sometimes months.

Final straw was me asking him how his terminally ill Mother was a few times and him reading and not responding. I heard she’d died through my own Mother who had heard on the grapevine. I sent a message of condolence immediately, he read and didn’t respond and I also sent a card and flowers which were delivered but he didn’t acknowledge them. I didn’t bother speaking to him again after this. Shame because we’d known each other since nursery and were best friends from the age of 10 but there you go.

Some people are just rude, there’s no other excuse for it really.

That's really awful
Juniper68 · 01/02/2022 12:28

@Toomanyradishes

I have a friend who will text me every day upwards of 30 texts, she expects immediate responses to them and they are often links to videos i am expected to watch and comment on, even if its of things i am not interested in. If she sends 5 videos and I only comment of 4 she will keep asking about the 5th to make sure i watch that too. When I asked for a couple of days once because I needed some headspace i got bombarded with memes about 'if you love your friend give them space'. If i dont respond within 48 hours she sends my dh facebook messages to check im okay because she is worried about me.

She knows i work full time, im studying for a degree part time, i have pets etc. I also know she is the sort of person to moan if someone doesnt respond immediatly that they are a bad friend, but honestly in this senario im not sure i am the bad friend if i dont always respond.

Nope sorry she's a stalker. I would have dumped long ago.
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