Page 2 | People who say 'im shit at replying ' to texts...

Pileonsally · 2022-01-31T22:27:00+00:00

Cards on table i am a phone addict so I appreciate that I pretty much reply to every Message I get immediately. I have a couple of close friends, been close friends for years...and they just don't reply to texts! Chstty ones, gossipy ones, serious ones. I recently sent a long message to a friend saying I was having a shit time and struggling. They put 'in work, will text you later x. OK totally fine with that. .. 6 days later no reply.... I just texted them again and they put 'i do care im just shit at replying' To me i feel like if they did care they would remember to text because they care about me. When people don't reply I feel as though they are saying 'I don't give a fuck about you'. Before people suggest it, I dont bombard these 2 people with texts (I text my other phone addicts). This was first time I had texted this friend in 2 weeks. Do you think its ok to say 'sorry im just shit at replying'? And the other person just has to accept being ignored?

Whatinthelord · 31/01/2022 23:18

I mean it doesn’t sound like she’s a particularly good friend if she hasn’t made contact after receiving a message like that. However, do you often contact her with issues/drama/problems….I ask because sometimes if some is only contacting about negative thing, or when they need support, it can be draining. I think I’ve done this at times (when I had PND).

I have a few friends who rarely make contact. I’ve decided to stop trying and leave them to contact me if they want to maintain contact…some have, some haven’t.

It’s worth being reflective to see if your own actions are problematic, otherwise just accept it is what it is.

SarahAndQuack · 31/01/2022 23:20

@Mgr1603

Gosh,, Reading these replies there's a lot of sh*t friends out there, considering nearly everyone these days have there phones glued to them. Takes 2 mins,, even just to say call u later... who forgets to message a friend for days??? Sorry but that's just wrong.. That's the measure of lots or people these days so caught up in there own lifes..such a shame

Loads of people don't have their phones with them all day though. Some jobs you can't use your phone during work hours, or you might even have to leave it in a locker; others you've physically got your hands full. Teachers, doctors, anyone who drives for a living, anyone working retail ... you think they have their phones to hand?

I would really like to know if the OP's long text was sent to her friends after they'd already indicated they don't like communicating by text, or not. TBH I'd hope I'd notice a friend texting that they'd struggled and I'd reply, but if we were close friends, they'd already know it's not a good way to reach me.

WildPoinsettia · 31/01/2022 23:22

I agree with you OP, it's crap and no they don't care because if they did, they'd find 5min sometime during the next week to check their messages and reply to people. It's called effort and is needed to maintain friendships. We've all got the same 24hrs in a day so if they're not replying to you, it's because they're choosing to spend their time prioritising other people/things. Totally their choice, but don't try to say they care when their actions say otherwise. I'd let those ones go OP, unless they regularly meet up with you in person. I can understand people just not really being into phones but if there's no contact at all then they don't care, they're not missing you and they don't mind if you fade from their life. That's not someone you should be prioritising.

Mgr1603 · 31/01/2022 23:23

I should have worded it more as In 'outwith working hours rs' I also don't have my phone at work...

Juniper68 · 31/01/2022 23:24

@Mgr1603

Gosh,, Reading these replies there's a lot of sh*t friends out there, considering nearly everyone these days have there phones glued to them. Takes 2 mins,, even just to say call u later... who forgets to message a friend for days??? Sorry but that's just wrong.. That's the measure of lots or people these days so caught up in there own lifes..such a shame

Thus^

Sorry op but she isn't a real friend.

amusedbush · 31/01/2022 23:24

I have ADHD and my object permanence is non-existent so as soon as the notification has disappeared, it's out of my head. Or sometimes I'm on my phone scrolling through social media or playing a game, I'll see a text pop up at the top of the screen and I just can't face getting into a back and forth of typing so I won't open the app until I'm ready to engage. Then, of course, I totally forget about it until days later and I feel awful about it. Or I construct a reply in my head and forget that I didn't actually send anything.

Plus, I'm autistic so I'm not great at giving sympathy at the best of times, never mind over text. I get really stressed trying to construct the perfect response and I'll end up sitting there for half an hour rewriting it. Thankfully my best friends are all neurodivergent too so there's no pressure there.

Juniper68 · 31/01/2022 23:26

It's laughable those saying they aren't glued to their phones, work may not allow phones etc... it was 6 DAYS LATER!!

Shitty on all counts. Drop her like a boiling spud.

SarahAndQuack · 31/01/2022 23:29

@Juniper68

It's laughable those saying they aren't glued to their phones, work may not allow phones etc... it was 6 DAYS LATER!!

Shitty on all counts. Drop her like a boiling spud.

I just meant, isn't it likely some people aren't in the habit of using their phones much, because they can't for long periods of the day?

I charge my phone when I go out or drive somewhere, but it's not my standard means of communicating with the world, and that's partly because the job I used to do meant I never got in the habit.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/01/2022 23:30

Really uncaring of your friend OP and incredibly self absorbed.

“Sorry I’m shit at replying” = “sorry I’m shit at giving a damn about the struggles of friends”.

It’s so self absorbed - knowing a friend is struggling and is wilting without a kind word, but doing nothing about it.

All those who embrace the ‘whoops I’m shit at texting’ are possibly more self-absorbed and entitled than they think. Similar to people who monologue in conversations and dominate without a second thought. It’s a kind of unconsciousness about others.

And I don’t mean that instant responses are required - not at all. But you don’t leave it six days after a friend has given an SOS.

Marvellousmadness · 31/01/2022 23:30

Just because we CAN be reached all day,doesn't mean we also therefore HAVE to reply. I hate that society pushes that agenda. Ill text you when I want. Sometimes 2 secs. Sometimes 2 hrs. Sometimes 2 days and sometimes 2 weeks.

dressicarabbit · 31/01/2022 23:35

I totally agree with @TyrannosaurusRegina
It is too needy and over the top to demand quick responses or even lay all that pressure and drama on others.

Juniper68 · 31/01/2022 23:36

@Marvellousmadness

Just because we CAN be reached all day,doesn't mean we also therefore HAVE to reply. I hate that society pushes that agenda. Ill text you when I want. Sometimes 2 secs. Sometimes 2 hrs. Sometimes 2 days and sometimes 2 weeks.

So if a friend told you they were struggling it's tough is it?

What a self absorbed world we live in. Thank fuck I have fantastic friends.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 31/01/2022 23:38

@LeQuern

SarahAndQuack · 31/01/2022 23:41

So if a friend told you they were struggling it's tough is it?

But she knows these particular friends don't do text, doesn't she? She says they don't do any kinds of texts.

The OP deliberately chose to text knowing they don't reply to texts, and is now complaining about it, and I can't help feeling confused about what she expected to happen.

LeQuern · 31/01/2022 23:42

I mean. I’m hardly the only one who’s pointed out single / child free people can but busy but cheers for the late night snack.

LeQuern · 31/01/2022 23:43

(Meant to add - apologies for the off topic post OP).

Soul11Soul · 31/01/2022 23:44

It's incredibly needy. Just phone if you need some chat or support.

Thebodyshopolive · 31/01/2022 23:48

I think it's a bit off to leave it that long tbh

TheLeadbetterLife · 31/01/2022 23:48

Texting is time consuming and boring for some people (me included). I don't like it as a way of maintaining friendships, because everyone sounds the same on messages, and no-one feels real somehow. I prefer a good phone chat or get together, even if it's just once in a blue moon, than an endless stream of text. Also, the edited highlights, in person, after a few months are much more interesting than the daily updates.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 31/01/2022 23:50

I hate texting. I have 3 SN kids and a daily carer. Sometimes life just sweeps me away. If friends drop me a line and says having a crap time can I call you I'll give them a time to call. Just because we'd have different methods of communication doesn't mean I care less. Maybe your friend finds you a little bit "needy"?

Outlyingtrout · 31/01/2022 23:51

Maybe she’s got her own stuff going on and is struggling with something personal. I’m forgetful with messages at the best of times but when I’m stressed, ill (which I frequently am with MH issues that my friends aren’t privy to), dealing with family stuff etc I just can’t stay on top of messages from friends.

Sometimes people just don’t have the headspace to deal with their friend’s problems as well as their own.

Hightemp · 31/01/2022 23:56

I use my phone only if at work..so I don’t read text messages very often. I use my iPad as my main way of communicating. I use messenger as the equivalent of texting….yes occasionally I forget to reply bur just because I have forgotten…absolutely no drama behind that !

StellaGibs · 01/02/2022 00:00

I dont think its ok to not reply after 6 days, but I do think the expectation to receive texts back within minutes or hours is absurd.

If it's a quick thing then Ill text back straight away 95% of the time, unless I'm in a particularly bad depressive episode or know it'll lead to a conversation I don't have energy for.

If someone writes one long block, or is blatantly only coming to me to offload, then I tend to take longer to reply. This is because of the mental tax of reading it, processing it, and thinking of how to reply. It all overwhelms my head. I have about a million things to do and remember in a day It's not that I don't care about the person or their problem but I've got other stuff to do too.

Daydreamsinsantafe · 01/02/2022 00:01

It’s a bit much to send the type of text you did after not speaking for two weeks. Surely a bit of small talk first is the norm?
Maybe in that two weeks she has had things of her own to deal with.

It’s all very well to say it only takes a minute to reply but actually it doesn’t. Meaningful replies take both time & emotionally energy. Perhaps she doesn’t want to get drawn into a long conversation.

I bought my phone for my own usage. It’s not there for people to feel they have direct access to me at any given moment.
Not so long ago you would have to wait until someone finished work, got out of the bath, got home from their holiday etc etc to speak to them. Now it’s a free for all. The entitlement is unreal.

SpidersAreShitheads · 01/02/2022 01:12

@amusedbush

I have ADHD and my object permanence is non-existent so as soon as the notification has disappeared, it's out of my head. Or sometimes I'm on my phone scrolling through social media or playing a game, I'll see a text pop up at the top of the screen and I just can't face getting into a back and forth of typing so I won't open the app until I'm ready to engage. Then, of course, I totally forget about it until days later and I feel awful about it. Or I construct a reply in my head and forget that I didn't actually send anything.

Plus, I'm autistic so I'm not great at giving sympathy at the best of times, never mind over text. I get really stressed trying to construct the perfect response and I'll end up sitting there for half an hour rewriting it. Thankfully my best friends are all neurodivergent too so there's no pressure there.

I'm also autistic and have ADHD - and I have the same problems.

I have to work very very hard to answer messages - even if `I don't forget about them I sometimes feel very overwhelmed and struggle to reply even though I want to. If you've nevr experienced this it's very easy to say "just reply" but it's like there's a physical barrier. You want to reply but it doesn't feel quite right, it's just overload.

And then there's all the times that I forget I haven't replied, forget to check my messages or I'm not certain what to say so wait a bit, and then forget.

I love my friends and family very deeply and I'm the person that would do anything for anyone - but don't underestimate how hard I find it to message. It's not representative of how much I care.