I’m just looking for thoughts on here as everyone irl keeps saying he’s an arsehole and to just stay away from him.
My friend (male and platonic) has bpd and I think it’s pretty bad.
We’ve been friends for over a year but I’ve known him a good few and we got really close he kind of latched onto me and it got intense really quickly (I knew little about bpd or even that he had it)
He has the usual relationship troubles and lost so many friends, does the idolise and devalue and once you’re gone you’re hated with a passion and smeared to the high heavens.
He’s insulting and selfish and has even stolen from me, there was no sign of any of this until the end of the first six months then the theft so I didn’t speak to him nor had contact and was getting over it all.
Five months later in a better state of mind although I still missed him I thought I could handle him knowing he had a mental illness and it explained his behaviour.
I know how ridiculous it is I can’t understand it myself, I’m genuinely not attracted to him or in love with him I consider him family as I do my other close friends, I genuinely love and care for him.
The devaluation started again after about eight months this time. Constant sly digs and insults it’s like he’s trying to ruin my confidence.
He can’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing and accuses me of being immature and petty when I lose it over the insults. I feel he’s doing it to make himself feel better or just taking moods out on me but it’s quite nasty at times.
A couple of weeks ago we had an almighty bust up over him slating women. I’d had too much stuff for his liking in my bag (receipts, vape oil I’d just bought, lipgloss, bus ticket just bits and pieces but this is what started it) he snapped and said it was no surprise he was gay. I asked him what because of what we have in our bags??? He said not just that it’s the hairs I hate women’s hair and the way women go on. By this I think he means retaliation when he insults. I think he’s resentful for some reason towards women, he’s gay and has serious issues with it I think he’s trying to “blame” women for something he’s ashamed of. I lost it. Sent him a really long text and I told him not to try dumping it on women, I’m sick of the insults and I’m done with him, we’ve not spoke since apart from the other day I reached out to ask if he was okay and he didn’t want to know.
He doesn’t seem to think like an adult but in some ways he’s quite intelligent, and despite his illness he can be such good company and helpful and kind. I think I have my lovely friend back. We spend weeks at a time at each other’s homes and I thought we were really close. Then the switch goes again and the criticism starts.
I feel physically ill, it’s like withdrawal from a drug, it’s such a wrench I feel my hearts been ripped to shreds and stuffed back in my stomach.
Does anyone have any experience with this? He’s been offered treatment and went but said it was no good to him so I guess he’s going to remain untreated.
Please be kind I couldn’t cope with a bashing or being thought of as weak I’m far from it. I have friends and family who love me but they’re stable and consistent this is different. I think my own mental health has been damaged by it all. I just wish I could let go and not care and worry so much about him.
I’ll take on board any advice.
Actually, I think I know what I need to do but thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated my mind is in utter turmoil.