Spa Horror Stories

[Lolarosemama]

I don’t really have a horror story from a spa 😅 but I was at one this week and thought some people must have some embarrassing or ridiculous stories from spas!! This bored sleepless mama wants your stories!

Like I said I don’t have a horror story, but I once got given a voucher for a second facial as the beautician talked non stop the whole way through and massaged soap into my mouth 🤢

DH’s go to gift was to book me a massage and spa treatment for any and every occasion so I’m quite experienced at spas as a result.

In one place the female masseuse I booked wasn’t available and I got a male masseuse instead. I wouldn’t have booked a male but I wasn’t overly concerned at first.

I asked him not to touch my feet as I’m very tickly and it makes me feel nauseous. It’s something I have requested a few times and it’s never been an issue. But he insisted on doing it, because he could do it properly, and wouldn’t stop. In fact he just held my leg down when I tried to pull away. He also massaged my glutes without warning (every other masseuse I’ve had has asked first).

I didn’t complain, in fact I’ve absolutely no idea why I didn’t get up and walk out. The stupid thing is that I had another massage a few months later, that I did end up walking out of because I just started shaking and crying and had to stop, and that one was perfectly normal and not at all creepy.

It put me off completely though. I just stick to fully clothed manicures now.

Dh booked a massage for me as a treat - masseuse told me about her divorce in excruciating detail all the way through and she finished with a heartfelt comment that she felt much better. I didn’t. Another massage ended with me dribbling almost as I was so relaxed and nearly asleep. I no longer have massages.

My male friend and I went to thailand and on the last day we had a couple of hours to kill before we left in the hotel bus for the airport so we decided to have one last thai massage in the hotel basement spa. If you have been to a hotel in thailand you are probably working out where this is going but it was my first trip abroad and I was very niave.
Anyway, my friend and I went into cubicles next to each other and my massage lady said to me to take all my clothes off. Her english was not good so I assumed she meant take off everything but my underwear. Anyway, I get on the bed and she starts giving me the worst thai massage of my life. After 10mins I sit up and notice a bathtub at the end of the bed, and say 'hey there's a bathtub what's that for?' and the massage lady says - its for baths would you like one? To which I replied no but by now I was beginning to get suspicious. Then my massage lady starts talking in thai to the massage lady in the next cubicle who is massaging my friend. And then they swap over - my lady goes to massage my friend and his lady comes to massage me and I get a much better thai massage from this lady.
At the end I am waiting in the spa waiting area for my friend and he was ages. And I say to the ladies - why is he taking so long - and they said he was having a bath. And then they showed me the price menu - thai massage was not an option - we were in a brothel and my friend was getting a happy surprise of sorts after his thai massage.
I am guessing what happened is my original lady realised I was expecting a genuine thai massage and she swapped with the other lady who knew how to give one.

We went for a Turkish baths while there on holiday. Me and DH paid the extra to have a massage too. DH masseuse was a young fit Turkish man, mine was a hairy, aging man mountain. I lay there with my eyes tight shut and with every stroke of the massage he grunted and groaned. He then asked about moving the straps from my bikini off my shoulders, at which point my boob fell out! I was mortified, hated every second of it. When it was over my masseuse was dripping with sweat. Meanwhile DH had a great massage.

I was on a group adventure trip type thing in Morocco and we all decided to book the hamman with an included massage. We were told just to wear pants or bikini bottoms. The massage was literally everywhere! The masseurs even pulled out pants down and massaged our bums. We were all in fits of giggles by the end. I would not do it again.

My worst one was a spa I never ever managed to get into! Sometime between booking it and actually going I got pregnant with my first baby. When I got to the spa (I’d travelled 2 hours to with my friend) I was asked to fill in a load of forms, one of which I had to say if I was pregnant, so I ticked it. When the receptionist saw that she refused to let me in and said it was against their safely policy. I said I’d stay out of the saunas / steam room and just use the pool and have my facial. I wasn’t allowed any of it. Even my facial and my poor friend said she wouldn’t go in either. They wouldn’t even give us a refund just a voucher for what we had paid. I guess I should have checked with them first but it just didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem.

Is it just me who finds massages painful?

@Malin52

When you travel first class with BA there's an Elemis spa you can use before your flight. We were flying to SFO so I plumped for a nice facial. DH went for a head and shoulder massage. For the next half hour all I could hear from the room next door was DH talking at the poor therapist about football.

Sadly closed and not re-opening

I go to a spa several times a week.

This year there is a horror trend of dental floss bikini bottoms and these odd swimsuits that v to the waist so that 90% of your boob is visible. Not a good look and totally inappropriate.

@PolaDeVeboise

Is it just me who finds massages painful?

I find them painful too but I think it's because I have fibromyalgia

This thread is comedy gold.

Alas I do not have any funny spa stories on amount of finding the idea of a spa totally horrifying.

But this is one of the funniest things I have read and I immediately though of it. Hopefully it works...

mobile.twitter.com/anbara_salam/status/1239489588353216512?lang=en

I went on a trip to China 21 years ago. The British female guide had a massage in the spa and the masseuse cried: “oh you’re so fat!” - apparently a compliment, but the guide didn’t see it that way.

I used to go to a big old Turkish baths in Sheffield with my uni mates. (Now sadly gone) they had separate days for men and women. It was a gorgeous building, with cubicles around the pool on two floors. We had a brilliant time, then chilled out in the cubicles on the couches. We told our gay mate about it and he smirked and said “yes I go on Fridays” and proceeded to tell us what happened in the cubicles, the steam rooms, the pool. Everywhere except the icy plunge pool. I doubt deep cleaning happened in the 80s. 😱

Oh god @BertieBotts that is so funny!!!!

I went to a really lux spa in London with my sister. We were in a bubbly pool where you sit on those chairs that bubble vigorously. We were chatting about body hair and had a long convo about me not liking male body hair (DH is very smooth on chest and back). The next moment the hairiest man I've ever seen in my life, he was like a gorilla entered this tiny bubbly pool and sat really near me. I absolutely couldn't believe it. We had to leave before we laughed out loud.

Hotel in Goa. I book an ayervedic (sp) 2 hand massage. I get on a wooden table in the tiniest disposable pants ever. 2 tiny Indian ladies come in and pour what smells like spiced hot cooking oil all over me. What happened next was the toughest most intimate massage I have ever had. So much oil that I was physically moving up and down the table. The disposable knickers were pushed into all of the orifices. They massaged my boobs too! It was so excruciatingly awkward I had to stop myself laughing. There was so much oil that I had to be helped off the table and into the steam shower like an old lady!

I belong to a health spa as a member - it's attached to a hotel and they have a lot of couples staying for a night or two, they have treatments and use of the pool, gym, sauna, steam rooms etc .. I only ever swim and use the various sauna and steam rooms etc, which I do most days so I see lots of different people

And some are brilliant. In the past month alone we've had ...

A Russian couple in the pool who were floating about in a corner. I'm doing my slow breaststroke up and down when she suddenly jumps out the pool and marched to their lounger and grabs a phone. He then gets out and takes the phone off her and she proceeds to whip off her bikini top as he takes pics in a variety of poses. Swear to god I nearly drowned laughing

Two girls and a bloke having a threesome in the steam room. I walked in with my friend and we took in the scene and walked out again absolutely in hysterics. And yes, I went straight to reception and informed them

Two fellas in the pool ... canoodling. I mean fair enough, but I drew a line when it became clear they were tossing each other off under the water

So yeah - I never know what I'm going to see when I go in to do my lengths

@BertieBotts More detail on that German spa nightmare:

www.cnn.com/travel/article/trapped-naked-german-spa/index.html

Went to a traditional hamman in Istanbul with friends a few years ago. We’d clocked that we’d likely have to be naked but didn’t realise that this meant having communal massages and staff who offered to “cut” our bikinis off if we didn’t remove them. We were nervous hesitant not unwilling but that got lost in translation!