Dating as a 55 year old...will men expect me to be bald down below??

[ConfidenceCrisis44]

Firstly yes, I know I can't date at the moment, I do not want to date at the moment, I am covid safe!

However, I am cautiously looking ahead to the summer. I have been single for 4 years, was married for 20 years before that. In my teens/twenties pubic hair was never much of an issue for anyone, I tidied it a bit to keep it in my pants but that was it! I am aware that things have changed and that a lot of women remove the lot these days. I assumed it was mostly the youngsters. Made the mistake of watching Naked Attraction last night and all the women are bald, even the ones in their 40s, 50s and 60s! I do realise that this is probably not a representative cross section of society, but even so, it has alarmed me. So, does anyone know, what are older men's expectations here?? I really want to stay au naturel! But would be mortified to put someone off because of it!

Gosh. I’m a bit surprised that we have to confirm to what the society views as acceptable.

I’m showing my age here. Love me, love my vag.

My vag has bigger issues than hair anyway - it has had three kids exit it.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it's absolutely fine for men to have a preference. Liking a smooth fairy cave doesn't make you a porn addled pervert. Obviously if they were to comment halfway through that might be off putting but both me and me DH poke lighthearted fun at each other for getting a bit bushy down there! A man should never dictate what you do but I think it makes you feel sexier if you fit each other's preferences... Whether that's hairy or not.

I had very politely declined to discuss (acknowledge) a potential boyfriends micro penis and the logistical problems it may pose for sex, so you can imagine my irritation when he said he couldn’t get it up because I had pubes. Needless to say that was the end of that dalliance but it creeps me out that for some, having access to a perfectly acceptable and fully functional vagina is only desirable if you look like a child.

having access to a perfectly acceptable and fully functional vagina is only desirable if you look like a child

I just cannot get my head round this. Presumably you don’t shave your legs or underarms either and wouldn’t date a man who was clean shaven for precisely the same reason? Right....?

Another creep enters the thread. Yuck. I'm out, I think it's just attracting those with a predilection that I don't want to think about.

That was to Alpenguin and that ilk.

I do think society influences us a lot. Women are discussed and shamed on their hair preferences regularly. This starts from a young age. I remember one of my friends wasn’t allowed by her parents to shave her legs until she was 13 and people mocked her.

Also, I don’t understand how it’s such a prevalent thing for men to ask about. Can you imagine how bemused a lot of men would be if women en mass started to strongly hint on that they would only accept a completely bald pubic area and that anything else just would be dirty, shameful and unacceptable? This happens on a regular basis to women and I don’t really understand why some women tolerate this.

If you don’t like hair down there FOR YOU then fine I can accept that. What I can’t accept is being shamed for doing what you like with your own body. I don’t have a problem with having a preference but when it turns into being made to feel inferior because you either remove or don’t remove hair then this isn’t acceptable to me.

It’s an interesting first post.

Or a name change .

I've been on here for 16 years and change my name pretty much every week.

I love it when people safely in their long term relationships say how they'd never put up with this and that and they'd get rid of someone if he didn't like whatever 😆

You have no idea what you'd do/how you'd feel if you found yourself single and dating later in life! When you add that to the fact that there aren't a ton of decent eligible men hanging around and the ones that are are probably looking for someone ten years younger.. it's no wonder at all these thoughts come in to people's minds.

I await people telling me they'd rather be single or whatever... Good for you!

I have been alone, for years at a time, because I won’t settle for shitty men with shitty attitudes. If I were to end up on the dating scene in my later years I can assure you my approach will be exactly the same as it was back in the day when I was dating - I don’t need a man, and I won’t beg for anyone’s approval. If they don’t want to date a woman who is comfortable with sporting perfectly natural pubic hair, they’re free to jog on by.

As far as OP is concerned, I think it’s actually less about the vulva and more about feeling a bit nervous or self conscious about the whole dating scene after so long. And that’s obviously completely understandable.

Must also say of course it’s okay for men to have a preference. I just wouldn’t be bending over backwards to compromise my own boundaries in order to meet them, and I certainly wouldn’t be worrying over it and planning to do things to my own body that I don’t actually want to do!

Geidiprimes yess.

Bald in the middle, but hairs st the side, why is this?!

And it has nothing to do with superiority or whatever else, so it doesn’t need a ‘good for you.’ I simply know full well that women are constantly told that they’re not good enough, told to placate and please and beg and work hard at being all things to all men, told to do whatever it takes to not be alone, and to put up with all manner of shoddy behaviour from men. So if ever a voice is needed to say, fuck that utter shit, I’m saying it.

Gross. You and KenDodd. Educate yourselves on what adult females and female child genitalia looks like before bandying around such ignorant statements.

I'm not sure why someone else's opinion gives you such rage, but I'll leave you to figure that one out for yourself. But, also imo, anyone who uses the words gross, and educate yourself, particularly in the same sentence really have little value to bring to the discussion.

@Hettsie

Gross. You and KenDodd. Educate yourselves on what adult females and female child genitalia looks like before bandying around such ignorant statements.

I'm not sure why someone else's opinion gives you such rage, but I'll leave you to figure that one out for yourself. But, also imo, anyone who uses the words gross, and educate yourself, particularly in the same sentence really have little value to bring to the discussion.

Well according to the Cambridge English Dictionary it's described as meaning "extremely unpleasant". That sums it up.

As for the same sentence, educate yourself on full stops and the use thereof; there were two sentences in my post.

I'll leave you to go and rub your thighs now. Ugh.

As for the same sentence, educate yourself on full stops and the use thereof; there were two sentences in my post.

Well that makes all the difference then doesn't it. Phew.
I'll leave the thigh rubbing to you. Not my style I'm afraid.

Oh no, that definitely needs a 'good for you'.

The times I’ve shaved/waxed/razed mine to the ground I’ve been horrified by the stubble. It’s smooth for about two hours, then bam. Five o’clock shadow.

Keep your pubes if you want them, OP. After all, they’re there for a reason.

I am early 30s and gotten about a lot

I keep it tidy but have never waxed or shaved. No one has ever commented or shown unwilling.

@IAmcuriousyellow

I couldn’t get with anyone who like bald fannies. It gives me the shudders. Why do they want their vagina of choice to look like a child’s?? What does that say about them?

I feel like this about it too.

@OutingMyself

Oh no, that definitely needs a 'good for you'.

Alright then.

@ConfidenceCrisis44 you do what you feel comfortable with, and don’t spare a second’s hesitation in claiming your space in the world (which you’re perfectly entitled to whether or not your vulva is bare).

Anyone who tells you differently, in actions or in words, is not the kind of person you should be paying any attention to!

Crikey, this took on a life of it's own!

I think a few posters have said that this is more to do with nerves about dating again after so long. I think thats right. My next post will be something like 'Do men in their 50s mind a bit of flab?' But kudos to all of those who will happily tell any potential partner to fuck off if they do say something out of order. But I think real life is usually a bit more nuanced than that.

But to be honest, we are all affected by what the media decides is attractive/acceptable and I do believe that those who say they shave etc because they want to are in denial about the role that societal pressures have played in that. For me, it's not so much the 'looks like a child' thing as 'looks like someone in a porn film'. But it's the fashion, just like those strange slug eyebrows that young women seem to like currently, so each to their own!

Overall, the thread has reassured me that I'm over thinking so thanks everyone

It is a little more nuanced than that in real terms, of course; but the attitude itself is important and if that’s the underlying stance you hold then your actions and reactions in general will demonstrate your boundaries without you having to actually say ‘fuck off’ to everyone all the time. It’s always the better strategy because it ensures you hold the people who temporarily enter your life to a high enough standard that if they stick around, and you find yourself actually liking them, you can be fairly certain you’ve found a decent one!

Good luck with dipping your toes in!

Hi OP, I'm 55 and have been actively OD for the past three years - obviously except for lockdown, and have gone to bed with a range from 38 to 60 year old. Broadly, if they are actively dating they are more likely to expect a trimmed or waxed foof. However, they are also likely to do some manscaping, and most have neatly trimmed pubes. This makes giving oral much easier. But it's certainly not a deal breaker, nor should it be. I think in general men who are actively dating will make an effort with their overall grooming. Posts from people in LTR may not be as current.

I removed all mine back in the day in my 20's now in my 40's I just keep it trimmed and tidy. I thought it was just for youngsters 😆

I'm glad to read your response OP.