If you have a child who cries going to nursery...

[BanditsBum]

how do you manage it?

DD is 4, she is at the nursery attached to the school she will attend.

We are in Scotland so we don't have a reception year but she attends 9-3 so it essentially is the same, they do writing/numbers etc. along with play.

She started last year just after turning 3 and was doing great until Jan/Feb when the crying and begging not to go started. Then we had lockdown. She went back great in August but again the past few weeks it has started, doesn't want to go, hates everyone there, misses me etc. etc. This morning has exhausted me.

Nursery say she is fine when there, the pictures they post on her journal seem to support this and at home time she is fizzing with stories of everything she did and giving excited waves to all her friends.

Any strategies to share?

My first son said after the first day, it was ok but he didn’t want to go back. He was very quiet, but eventually after a few weeks was ok. My second son, who was very outgoing and had many friends really cried and struggled with playschool and they tried everything with him and it took a long time for him to go in happily. They even took him to see his elder brother one day to try and get him to stop crying, it only made him worse. All teachers said not to worry that he will settle eventually, which of course he did.

My daughter is in reception and went to the nursery attached to school (and went to private nursery from 6 months old) and she is still like this every day! Today she said “I like school mommy but I don’t want to go every day!” You have my sympathies, it is exhausting! My dd goes to breakfast club so I can get to work and every day she cries, moans etc but like your child comes out full of happy stories and excitement! I find it so so exhausting so negotiated wfh two days a week so I could take her to school at normal time and she is still the same!!!!

Been a while since this happened to me. I was getting fantastic write ups pictures etc, turned out he was desperately unhappy and the placement failed shortly after due to undiagnosed SEN. But he was younger and vulnerable due to the SN.

So i definitely would be wary. If your DD is sufficiently able at a time when she was happy an relaxed id have an age appropriate discussion. Something like " you always seem so happy when you tell me your day at nursery but so sad when you are going there, is there a reason for that?" "By crying mummy worries you are very unhappy, if you are not very unhappy you shouldn't be crying else how wil I know when you are and you need help?"

I would say to keep up with the positive talk about nursery, even when she is upset. How many friends she has to play with. How boring it is at home doing all the jobs while she is at nursery and keep drop offs as short as you possibly can. Too many extra cuddles just drags it out. I’ve found the quicker the drop off is the quicker the child comes round after. I found getting the timing right was crucial, too much time waiting for the gates to open, gave dd too much time to think about what was about to happen. We needed to be there as the gate opened, so there was no standing around, but she was in the first wave of dc going in. Going in late made her anxious so it was really important to get this right. I know it’s horrid to have to leave your child upset, but generally it doesn’t last long and by the time you are the cat park, they are happy and playing with their friends.

I think many children like going to nursery but like being at home even more, which is perfectly understandable. I have worked in nursery schools for almost 30 years and most children who cry at drop off really do stop very quickly and have a good day.
I have run out to the playground plenty of times over the years to let a parent know their child has already stopped crying. What does help is a swift good bye, and go. There is nothing worse than watching a child beg for one more kiss or cuddle and the whole goodbye can take 5 or 10 minutes with both child and parent getting upset. Again, once the parents have gone, 9 times out of 10 the child is alright.
My middle daughter cried most mornings, it is really hard to leave them, but if your DD is talking happily about nursery at home, I don't think you've anything to really worry about.