I have a cabbage and an annoying neighbour

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So after re-reading the Pom bear thread and generally just finding acting a bit bonkers hilarious, I need to do something with this random cabbage that I have no used for, any ideas?!

Slingshot?

Put a face on it, use it as a head for a scarecrow, set in on a chair and sit in the garden having a conversation with it. When they start spying on you, start arguing with your visiting scarecrow, rip his head off and start taking chunks out it with your teeth, while looking your neighbour directly in the eyes. 👀

Do as totally says above, and then break down sobbing “Wilson, Wilsoooooon, I’m sorry Wilson”

Do as totally says above, and then break down sobbing “Wilson, Wilsoooooon, I’m sorry Wilson

😂

Draw eyes like your neighbour's on the cabbage then chop it up with a big knife...

Have you been getting the same veg box as me. How many white cabbages can they expect a person to eat!

Currently I'd be tempted to throw it at the yowling cats in my street but as that's cruel I'd attach it to be bouncy end of my neighbours pogo stick.

Pickle it and enjoy it as a dinner accompaniment. Pickled cabbage is lovely, don't waste it.

🤣🤣🤣 I knew you lot would come up with some hilarity, I’m sniggering to myself

I’m sorry squirrels, I struggle with money and food myself. So I feel bad joking about wasting the food and if I knew someone who would use it I’d pass it on, but I don’t, and I have never in my life possessed a cabbage (I’m actually not even sure it is one, but i think it is!) I am not likely to eat pickled cabbage anytime soon (or ever, in fact!)

Grate it up with carrot and a spoonful of mayonnaise and vinegar to make coleslaw.

Or, y'know, the Wilson thing is also good