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Original poster

Forgot to give notice to marry! What next

53 replies

weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 20:49

I have name changed as have talked about this irl and is seems to be an unusual situation... no one else is as stupid as us.

We have our wedding planned for next weekend, 50 day guests, 120 evening, coming from all over etc.

We originally gave notice of intention to marry last December, thinking of a spring wedding. Didn't get around to arranging that.
When we finally set the date the location of the registry office had moved, meaning that we had to fill in the forms again.
We were told this and then promptly forgotBlush until a couple of days ago.

Have now filled in the forms ( luckily got last minute appointment) and applied for a waiver to the legally required 29 days notice.
These waivers are for exceptional circumstances. The only example given is terminal illness Sad. But it is up to the discretion of Registrars head office.
We will find out on Monday if we are allowed to get married next weekend Confused

We will go ahead with the party, but won't be meaningful in the same way.

Has anyone else done or heard of others who have forgotten to do this essential bit of bureaucracy?
If so how did it turn out?

Trying to gauge what our chances are...
It's going to be a long weekend!

OP posts:
Ilove · 18/10/2019 20:51

Do special licences still exist?

comedycentral · 18/10/2019 20:54

Oh no! Hopefully they will take pity on you. Good luck.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/10/2019 20:56

Oh oops. Which council are you under?

Ours seem to only offer exemptions for terminal illness, which sucks, but I hope yours is more generous.

Best of luck! Thanks

(I'm giving notice next week. You've reminded me to not cancel!)

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Weddings
Mintypea5 · 18/10/2019 20:57

Fingers crossed they take pity on you!

The only time I ever ever heard it working out was for terminal illness but you never know

Bunnybigears · 18/10/2019 20:57

Oh no, the only time I heard of someone getting the special licence was like you said for reasons of terminal illness. Fingers crossed.

DeltaAlphaDelta · 18/10/2019 20:57

Exact same thing happened to us. We booked the venue, bought outfits and hired a car. Didnt realise until the monday (before a thursday wedding) that the venue didnt book the registrar, we were supposed and we hadn't given the correct notice at the registry office.

We went to the registry office on the Tuesday, applied for the notice and the waiver, which was granted on the wednesday. Was a worrying couple of days.

We had no idea we had to do that, as no one had mentioned it, so assumed that by booking a council owned wedding venue, everything was arranged but it wasnt.

With the waiver of notice, we gave as much information as we could and explained it was a simple miscommunication. I got the impression that they were more concerned about it being an arranged/sham wedding and i think that if were not UK nationals it may not have been granted.

So it can happen, as such very short notice!! Good luck!

Original poster
weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 20:57

Thanks for the suggestion. I just had a look and special licence is for if you are getting married in a church which isn't your local. No use to me Grin

OP posts:
PennyGold · 18/10/2019 20:59

It's easily done when there's so much to plan for a wedding!
I really hope they allow it! If not, have a great day and maybe get a 'blessing' so there's something official and then get the legal side done in the town hall in a few weeks.

Original poster
weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 21:04

@DeltaAlphaDelta thank you for sharing your story!! Gives us hope 🤞
We have been together years, have three kids, both UK nationals so hopefully no suspicions about the validity of our marriage.

The way I understand it this law exists so that if someone has any objections they know where to turn up to say so at the " does anyone here know of any reason why these two can not be joined in matrimony..."
no ones going to say no Grin
Everyone is saying at last!!

OP posts:
MaybeeMaybeeNot · 18/10/2019 21:06

A registrar general licence is usually reserved for when bride/groom or family member is very unwell, or forces posting that sort of thing.

However, you are looking at a traditionally non-busy period, so they may be more able to process your application, and it if is straightforward, and your Register Office has an available Celebrant and Registrar, you might well be lucky.

You could go ahead with your celebration, make informal vows to each other and celebrate with your family, then have a tiny legal ceremony after the 28 days. I don’t think your wedding insurance would cover forgetting part of the admin.

Good luck.

Original poster
weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 21:07

@PennyGold yes, this weekend will be spent figuring out plan B - a ceremony of sorts for the day and then do the real bit a few weeks later.

Luckily we are both mostly seeing the funny side of this, interspersed with disappointment and kicking myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 21:08

if your Register Office has an available Celebrant and Registrar, you might well be lucky

Ceremony is booked, that bit fine. Just don't have the license 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
MaybeeMaybeeNot · 18/10/2019 21:15

I’m not sure how the RO would have allocated Registrar and Celebrant without notice being given. Usually this would have been picked up as part of their checking process, but I suppose some offices may do things differently.

Has your celebrant been in touch?

Canyousewcushions · 18/10/2019 21:21

We needed a special licence. My husband forgot to send the forms off.... swore he had but found them after the big day. I had to travel down the day before the wedding and swear an affidavit at the parishes legal office- it was half term and the lovely lovely guy popped in on what should have been his time off to make it happen and grant us the licence.

I am grateful to this day that he did that.

Stay hopeful- it's not out of the question till you've had a response from them.

Thegreymethod · 18/10/2019 21:22

You're right about giving the notice of marriage so people and object if they have a legal reason...... silly old rule really because how many people go and check their register office notice board!
I've got no advice but I literally had nightmares about doing this before our wedding, good luck I'm keeping my fingers crossed you get it sorted!!

Original poster
weddingmuppet · 18/10/2019 21:31

@MaybeeMaybeeNot I guess they booked it in because we did give notice. But then the council moved the venue meaning we had to do it again.

And no the celebrant hadn't been in touch, which is what I was following up on when I found the correspondence about having to redo notice.

Thanks for all the good wishes! And positive stories. Glad we aren't the only ones. The friendly woman in the register office who I dealt with said she'd never known this to happen...
Just have to hope now.

OP posts:
DeltaAlphaDelta · 18/10/2019 21:37

@weddingmuppet our local area is a bit of a sham wedding hotspot so maybe that was their main concern. Good luck with it all, fingers crossed for you.

MaybeeMaybeeNot · 18/10/2019 21:42

Hmmm. Celebrants and registrars are often available for short notice bookings, so I reckon they would find someone for you so long as the Registrar General gives permission. Good luck.

Puddlet · 18/10/2019 21:45

If you find a C of E church with which you have a qualifying connection and a sympathetic vicar you could get married by common licence.

Puddlet · 18/10/2019 21:47

As someone said it's not a busy time of year so hopefully you'll be lucky! www.yourchurchwedding.org/article/common-licences/

Napmum · 19/10/2019 07:26

Definitely mention that you have already given notice once and say that because of them moving office it added to the confusion. As in when you thought about it you'd already done it in your head and them remembered that they said you need to do it again. The fact you've already given notice means that it's unlikely it's a shame marriage. The notice in our area was put up on a notice board in a small town my husband had never been to an hour away from our city (it's the main registry office for our county but it's not the county town). There's no way anyone would know us who saw that notice board it's the law but it's out of date, my husband said it at the time if they really were concerned about bigamy they'd get up to post about the wedding over social media like Facebook. I hope that they take pitty on you.

But if it helps we had a wedding ceremony that wasn't legal and then did a cheap registry office bit on a Tuesday a few days before because it was £400 cheaper. My wedding felt no less of a wedding because of it and I had a lovely personal wedding performed by a close friend who was good at giving a grand performance. Everyone treated it as the wedding I don't think anyone thought about how it worked legally at all!

ellesbellesxxx · 19/10/2019 07:31

I know a couple of people who have had humanist celebrants who have performed their wedding then they have done the legal wedding at another time... hope it all gets sorted xx

mrssoap · 19/10/2019 07:42

Yep happened to me. We ended up changing our wedding date for 2 weeks later. Was our own fault.

Ellapaella · 19/10/2019 07:46

Sounds like the Council moving the venue played quite a part in this so hopefully they will be sympathetic and let you go ahead.
What a nightmare, I really feel for you!

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/10/2019 08:01

It sounds like it is partly their mess up too! Hopefully it will get sorted. 🤞

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