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Original poster

Husband won't have a vasectomy

192 replies

Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 09:37

Hi. I am 41 nearly 42 with 5 children . The youngest is 1. I don't want to go on pill as I feel too old. I looked into getting sterilised but Dr said I would need help as would be hard for me after surgery with kids. My husband quite happy for me to go ahead and do this . Even though I have done my bit of carrying kids and giving birth etc. The youngest 3 are ours together and I have 2 from a previous. He refuses to have the snip but at 53 nearly 54 I don't see why he can't. He has shouted at me over it . I'm too scared to get pregnant again and he won't use protection. Before I got preg with my fifth I was so tired a the time from doing everything. He never helps as he thinks because he works it's ok. I told him I was tired one night he said " I get it from somewhere else then " . This hurt me . Yes muggy here still had a fifth baby. But she is beautiful and o don't regret it. When I had her I was induced and bled alot and was ill through the birth. After everything he saw me go through he was saying " I'm tired" " I'm hungry" when I go finally had her. He touched my foot briefly and said " well done". That was it. No kiss nothing. I was so upset. I said now you see me go through that maybe time to have the snip. He raised his voice and said " I told you no and i thought you was getting sterilised" . I have only slept with him a hand full of times and just want him to get the snip

OP posts:
QueenOfIce · 27/07/2019 19:02

*Get a Daysy, take your temp everyday and it'll tell you where you are in your cycle

These things and their ilk are unreliable.*

I've had mine 5 years, not had a problem. It is 99.3% accurate.

Booboo66 · 27/07/2019 19:08

The bottom line is your DH sounds like he doesn't mind if he fathers more DC in the future, be that with you, or with another woman if you were to split. You are the one that categorically does not want anymore DC so you have to take control of your own life here. I'm not going to suggest what you should do regarding your relationship as that's your business. I'm the same age as you and happily take the mini pill. I wasn't made aware aid any additional risk because of my age but if there is then it's probably less than the risk of having more dc or the risk of dp having complications from surgery so I'm happy with that

Namenic · 27/07/2019 19:17

It would be good for you both to talk about contraceptive options with a gp or nurse. I think there are lots of different ones with different effectiveness. He doesn’t have to consent for vasectomy but you do not have to consent to sex without condom.

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Women's health
Namenic · 27/07/2019 19:18

You also don’t have to consent to sex for any reason...

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 19:36

No he can afford as he has inheritance money and will be just 3 girls visiting him not my 2. We have discussed. He will get a flat and pay mortgage but nothing else he said.

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 19:38

Hard to downsize when you have 5 kids and as explained there isn't anything out there :( but we are staying here anyway so it's fine. If it changes I will deal with it there and then that's all I can do x

OP posts:
simonisnotme · 27/07/2019 20:05

I had my tubes 'done' years ago , had no help from DH apart from taking/picking me up from hosp only problem as such was the stitches were pretty sore for a while, so if you dont want kids i would get your tubes done

Grimbles · 27/07/2019 20:15

Wait... you arent named on the mortgage?!?!

ThatLibraryMiss · 27/07/2019 20:26

Why do you think you need a six bedroomed house? Six beds, yes, but they don't need a room each.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 20:37

No my three girls would have to share if comes to it but my teenage son and daughter need room each .he said he doesn't want them to suffer and will pay mortgage instead of child maintenance. Things can change I know I need to get ball rolling but I will be ok. I need to get my head round thus first

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 20:39

No we are married but I'm not on mortgage sd don't work. I do part time self employed work from home which took a back seat. Solicitor said house half mine as married . I will be ok whatever happens . I'm not unemployable and my family won't have me and kids on street. I have been through a break up before and to do it again is depressing

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 20:43

He can't sell once unregister my home rights its the law

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 20:44

I register I mean which I can't do until his gone otherwise he will kick off.

OP posts:
Grimbles · 27/07/2019 21:37

Who's idea was it not to have you on the deeds and mortgage, as if I couldn't guess...

Grimbles · 27/07/2019 21:39

By the way, if you register your home rights so you can only stay until the divorce and settlement are finalised.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 27/07/2019 21:42

Mine won't either despite knowing the risks.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 21:47

Yes but can't sell until youngest 18. He bought house and I said I'm not on mortgage what was it I signed. I called solicitor and it was just saying I lived there . I said you told me it was so my name was on house. We I kicked him out few years ago and ran off to his mum's. He promised he would put name on house and still hasn't. I seemed advice and called gingerbread and was told as married all half mine and can't do anything until youngest 18. If if course he wants to seek after divorce hopefukly I will have something sorted

OP posts:
Grimbles · 27/07/2019 22:14

Yes but can't sell until youngest 18

He can if the courts allow it as part of the settlement.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 22:18

That's if he takes it that far. Hoping courts will have common sense. I will have to take it on the chin

OP posts:
15YemenRoad · 28/07/2019 01:17

Yes I agree with you all apart from the comment about his body his choice blah blah.

Putting aside his laziness, that is a fucking awful attitude you have. If you were a man who said this about a woman's body you would have had your arse handed to you.

It is HIS body and it is HIS choice and no person should ever be bullied into or manipulated into doing something they truly do not want.

Respect his decision and discuss other options.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 28/07/2019 07:46

I haven't once bullied him or given him a choice. We have discussed which is why I was going to get sterilised which is ok for him . I have never once bullied him. I'm not that kind of person. His gone now so he can do what he wants .

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 28/07/2019 07:47

And all this arse handed to you talk. All I have said is he won't have vasectomy and refuses condoms as kills the moment. You are just here to to be horrible . Word things better.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/07/2019 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 28/07/2019 08:18

Please anyone come on here to crack jokes and be horrible please leave the post. I have just split from my husband and I feel bad enough. This is serious I have 5 kids to think of. Don't be a bully like my husband . It's as if you can't wait to say the next things to upset me . Cheers

OP posts:
Grimbles · 28/07/2019 08:55

Ah well, it all appears to be sorted now as you have split up so theres no need for him to have a vasectomy now.

Get the settlement sorted and move on with your life without this bully in it.

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