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Original poster

Husband won't have a vasectomy

192 replies

Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 09:37

Hi. I am 41 nearly 42 with 5 children . The youngest is 1. I don't want to go on pill as I feel too old. I looked into getting sterilised but Dr said I would need help as would be hard for me after surgery with kids. My husband quite happy for me to go ahead and do this . Even though I have done my bit of carrying kids and giving birth etc. The youngest 3 are ours together and I have 2 from a previous. He refuses to have the snip but at 53 nearly 54 I don't see why he can't. He has shouted at me over it . I'm too scared to get pregnant again and he won't use protection. Before I got preg with my fifth I was so tired a the time from doing everything. He never helps as he thinks because he works it's ok. I told him I was tired one night he said " I get it from somewhere else then " . This hurt me . Yes muggy here still had a fifth baby. But she is beautiful and o don't regret it. When I had her I was induced and bled alot and was ill through the birth. After everything he saw me go through he was saying " I'm tired" " I'm hungry" when I go finally had her. He touched my foot briefly and said " well done". That was it. No kiss nothing. I was so upset. I said now you see me go through that maybe time to have the snip. He raised his voice and said " I told you no and i thought you was getting sterilised" . I have only slept with him a hand full of times and just want him to get the snip

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 14:42

Thing is. With him he doesn't know what hurts people. I remember not long after having fifth baby I had a bath.i shaved down below but I missed a small part at front as didn't want to bother. I walked in room to get my gown and he held his arm out and said " urgh that's horrible " . Be sure I didn't shave the lot. I said it was a horrible thing to say. He told me to get over it and I'm too sensitive

OP posts:
Aaarrgghhh · 27/07/2019 15:54

Yet you’re still with him..

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 16:07

No we have decided to split up today. I'm just figuring out line once again what I'm entitled to etc. I can't talk to him as he has hurt his knee and told me to go away. I don't want to argue Infront of kids

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ememem84 · 27/07/2019 16:09

He sounds amazing!!!

*note sarcasm

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 16:11

He doesn't see what his done wrong which makes it worse. So he gives it all the " I worked hard for house " etc . So all my fault

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HairyToity · 27/07/2019 16:23

Oh bless you. Hope it all works out. If you are splitting make sure you have a plan in place.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 16:25

Yes trying to. He can't sell house until youngest is 18 she is 1. He has to pay mortgage

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Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:16

I just tried to talk to him to sort when he is going. He shouted at me to go away and that that so what if he shouts. Everyone shouts and it's just part of being married. He said he has nothing to say sorry for. He said that k have never said sorry myself which I do to.move on but he is denying it

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Whosorrynow · 27/07/2019 17:21

Whosesorrynow.i can't imagine growing old with him. It scares me
then you must escape, this is how I see it...your husband recons he's cock of the walk, thatattractive women will flock to him if he's a single man, let him indulge himself with that fantasy whilst you quietly get as far away from him as you can.
Block any and all pathways by which he can find you, drop out of his life, dont burn the bridges (that would attract his attention) but let them fall into disrepair and crumble away so that when he see's the reality of life without you there is no way back for him.
You can enjoy your later years, you'll have a good relationship with your children but him, well... who even cares!

Singlenotsingle · 27/07/2019 17:25

No more sex. (You might not want it anyway). Or, you don't have to have everything taken away, do you? As a pp said, you can just have keyhole surgery and a little snip of tubes.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:26

Yes your right . We do have to stay here though until youngest is 18. I spoke to a professional already before a d he can't move me and 5 kids out. He said himself he would nevee do that to kids. He will only pay the small mortgage that's left as in his name not mine. If he doesn't it will cause problems with credit score. He has never had debts and always pays what he should even if he does moan about it. The kids love him so he will see them still. He just doesn't see what his done. He is 12 years older than me but I feel more mature. Your right I don't know many women my age that will bother with him. He will have go for his own age that he always use to say no about

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 27/07/2019 17:26

Did you kick his knee?

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:30

Lol. I would have loved to. Just told him I hate him. I never say that but he has upset me.

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Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2019 17:38

If he won't use protection and you don't want more children then you don't have sex with him. End of story. No more sex for entitled manchild.

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2019 17:43

Just reading your updates. Ugh, he's a pig op. Oh and that 'ugh' comment when you hadn't shaved everything was to make you feel disgusting - he's is a bully. He DOES know what hurts people. He was trying to hurt you.

Might be wise to read up on narcissistic personality disorder. Because it sounds like he might be one. Either way though, don't spend another 17 years with him because of a mortgage!

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:53

I mentioned things from past that upset me but he said they dont count as ages ago. I don't think he is narcissistic. Well I do but not to a certain degree. I think he has no filter and brought up spoilt. When I lost a bit of weight I went from an 8 to a 10 which fine . I said I had lodt weight and toned legs from he said " errrrrrm yeah a bit"

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ememem84 · 27/07/2019 17:53

I’m confused why he can’t sell until youngest is 18? Surely a house can be sold whenever? I get the mortgage is in his name and he’s said he will continue to pay it but that’s not really helping you is it?

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:53

He doesn't think calling my daughter lanky becuas he kept saying no to clearing table is wrong either.

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Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:57

Because I have kids and I won't get tax credit for fifth . I'm better off staying here with kids rather than renting. I ahesdy uprooted my kids to start again . They are doing brilliant in their schools. This way I only have to pay bills and concil tax then we can sell and split. I'm not better off renting at all

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Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:58

I'm saying legally he cannot sell into my baby girl 18

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Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 17:58

I can't afford top up rent on a house that will fit my kids in. This is the best way for me and my kids

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IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2019 18:08

Unless you can afford to take on the mortgage a judge may order a sale so that the other parent can house themselves and the children. You are very naive to think he can’t force a sale.

SinkGirl · 27/07/2019 18:10

Yes, of course it’s his body his choice. If that’s the only issue, that’s my response.

However, this is just a grain of sand on the beach isn’t it? He is awful.

He may get to choose not to have the snip. You get to choose not to have sex with him.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 18:55

He can't and he won't. He has to work to keep mortgage. If he forced sale then he knows it will be a struggle for me and kids. Yes he is an arse but he wouldn't do that to kids. This is why though it has taken me a while getting professional advice etc because of finances . Some women on here were saying I'm only staying for money. He cant force sale I def know that for sure.

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SavingSpaces2019 · 27/07/2019 19:01

If he can't afford to pay your mortgage AND for a house for himself which is big enough to have the kids stay over - then a court will rule that the house is sold and you BOTH downsize to something affordable.
Your dc will have to share bedrooms - just like lots of other kids.
You can go back to full time work when your youngest is full time in school and then afford something better.

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