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Original poster

Husband won't have a vasectomy

192 replies

Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 09:37

Hi. I am 41 nearly 42 with 5 children . The youngest is 1. I don't want to go on pill as I feel too old. I looked into getting sterilised but Dr said I would need help as would be hard for me after surgery with kids. My husband quite happy for me to go ahead and do this . Even though I have done my bit of carrying kids and giving birth etc. The youngest 3 are ours together and I have 2 from a previous. He refuses to have the snip but at 53 nearly 54 I don't see why he can't. He has shouted at me over it . I'm too scared to get pregnant again and he won't use protection. Before I got preg with my fifth I was so tired a the time from doing everything. He never helps as he thinks because he works it's ok. I told him I was tired one night he said " I get it from somewhere else then " . This hurt me . Yes muggy here still had a fifth baby. But she is beautiful and o don't regret it. When I had her I was induced and bled alot and was ill through the birth. After everything he saw me go through he was saying " I'm tired" " I'm hungry" when I go finally had her. He touched my foot briefly and said " well done". That was it. No kiss nothing. I was so upset. I said now you see me go through that maybe time to have the snip. He raised his voice and said " I told you no and i thought you was getting sterilised" . I have only slept with him a hand full of times and just want him to get the snip

OP posts:
Skittlenommer · 26/07/2019 10:09

Why did you have three children with someone who is not only a total dick but quite obviously doesn't respect you?

My husband gladly and without complaint got a vasectomy at 28 (we're child free) because he saw how miserable I was on hormonal contraception. If I were you I wouldn't be pushing for a vasectomy I'd be pushing for a divorce.

MarthasGinYard · 26/07/2019 10:09

He's called your 12 year old Dd 'ugly' and 'lanky'

And you are just wondering how to best facilitate carrying on fucking him. Sad

It beggars belief

Soola · 26/07/2019 10:12

He’s a shit husband and a shit role model to your children.

The sad thing is that as your children get older they don’t look at him and think he’s shut they look at you and resent that you’ve stayed with a shit of a man.

If you want to amount to anything in your children’s eyes you would dump this shit of a man and flush the chain.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Women's health
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:12

Ok first of all lucky you that your husband is so great. My daughter he called Lanky and ugly he did this very recently not ongoing. He said he didn't mean it. They hate each other and I told him it was wrong and we are heading for a divorce if it happens again. I'm not making excuses at all . Anyway thanks all . I'm biding my time as have to put money away . I will be left with a 6 bed house and cars to run. I'm playing it clever. If course if he lashes out again his gone regardless.

OP posts:
Soola · 26/07/2019 10:12

Shut means shit

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:13

They won't resent me we are close. They all like and love him. Just my daughter. My so. However said I deserve better and I said I know. That's what I'm doing. Thanks for your support 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:14

Please be nice I'm on here for advice and support

OP posts:
scaevola · 26/07/2019 10:16

Vasectomy is still serious surgery, with a 10% rate of serious complications (source, NHS, which uses the conservative end of published research figures). Serious means considerable pain (for over 3 months duration, a proportion of which is untreatable with even denervation not working) or issues which require further surgery to fix)

AuntieStella · 26/07/2019 10:19

Just a thought, but do you already have a thread in Relationshios?

Contraceptive choices seem very much a side issue to what's really going in here, and given the title of this thread, it's going to keep coming round to that. And although MN is not the supportive place it was, ou're mire likely to find it in Relationshios than a general topic

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/07/2019 10:20

You are being very naive if you think this won’t affect your relationship with your daughter at some point. As a child she has no say in where she lives, as an adult she can control her own life. Many go LC or NC with parents who put partners first over their children.

Taking the relationship out of it, it’s his body his choice. No one should be forced to have surgery because someone tells them too. Neither is a vasectomy payback for childbirth. Presumably you wanted the children yourself or you wouldn’t have got pregnant.

SqueekyNuts · 26/07/2019 10:21

I am not going to comment on the relationship as that is not what you want right now.

As for the sterilization you cannot demand he has it just the same as he can't for you.

If you don't want to use any contraception and you don't want to get pregnant then ultimately you need to decide not to have sex. It's the same for him as well.

Nesssie · 26/07/2019 10:23

If he won't have the snip or use condoms then stop having sex with him.
But ultimately, if you don't want to be sterilised then its hypocritical to force him to have a vasectomy.

However, this all seems like the least of your worries as he sounds like a dick.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:25

Yes I'm aware of complications for both of us which is why I said condoms .he still says no. Thanks.so looks like no sex life and a divorce.

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:27

Oh my god I'm not forcing him at all. I have said it's fine but can be use condoms. He won't take time off work if I get sterilised to help and I'm at risk taking the pill

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:30

It's not pay back at all. I love my kids and they come first. He wants it all the time and I'm scared if getting preg. He refuses to wear s condom. So I suggested a vasectomy. I have been to Dr and was ready to get sterilised. I had forms everything. When I had second app to sort date etc he said he couldn't lose time at work. When I had umbilical hernia op he moaned non stop when he took me for one day on how he could be working and should be at the gym too. It's not black and white my situation and I can't put the while story as would take a day

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:32

Thanks auntie Stella. Yes it course I want honest options and advice. I guess I am.lookimg for validation but some people come across aggressive and very judgemental it's upset me to be honest

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 26/07/2019 10:32

No sex for him them.

Yogagirl123 · 26/07/2019 10:33

My DH didn’t want to have a vasectomy either, his body his choice. No one should be pressured into a surgical procedure that they do not want.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 10:35

Nope nobody should feel pressured and I haven't once done that but I have been told over and over that I should get sterilised instead by him. Without a thought . So that's ok for him. And like I said I was going to but he doesn't want to take time off so that's that

OP posts:
Bhappy12 · 26/07/2019 10:36

He sounds like an ass.

That said, neither of you should be forced to have surgery (or hormones) you don't want, but you will need to be prepared to say you will not have unprotected sex with him, and mean it. He can then choose to use some form of protection, or to abstain from sex.

On another note though - he sounds really awful to you and your daughter in particular. It's obvious that he provides for you and your family, but when your own children have noticed the awful treatment you have to ask yourself if that's enough, surely. Your relationship is the map they will use to find their own one day - would you be happy with one of your children being treated the way you are being? If not, then you need to seriously consider alternatives. Not necessarily leaving him, but certainly finding a more respectful relationship, that could be with him, or, it could not.

birdonawire1 · 26/07/2019 10:37

Your husband sounds like an absolute bastard. Have you actually read your OP?

Personally I had a sterilisation and it was very quick and easy with minimal recovery time. My feeling was that it would take the worry of pregnancy away from me.

Your real problem is your husband sounds awful and quite frankly I would have the op just to ensure I never had another child with him and could make plans to divorce.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 26/07/2019 10:42

“He's called your 12 year old Dd 'ugly' and 'lanky'”

Fucking hell. It doesn’t seem like you put your children first at all. Forget the vasectomy- you have far bigger fish to fry.

81Byerley · 26/07/2019 10:45

It isn't a marriage made in heaven, is it? You need to sit down and talk. Maybe with Relate.

birdonawire1 · 26/07/2019 10:45

I just had clips on my tubes. Laparoscopic procedure, two tiny wounds. Just a couple of days to recover. If you have so much in terms of material things I am sure he can employ a mothers help for a week to just let you get better. Best thing I ever did.

I would still divorce your H though. He treats you with no respect.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 11:00

I do put my kids first they are my everything. He said all this a week ago to her when she was mouthing off. Which is no excuse. I have no finances so I'm putting money by. I need to make sure my kids are ok financially. I tried to split up with him in Feb. I was told all my tax credits would be frozen for 8 weeks. I do work from home self employed so not reliable enough. I have gone mental at him re my daughter. Believe me.

OP posts:
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