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Original poster

Husband won't have a vasectomy

192 replies

Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 09:37

Hi. I am 41 nearly 42 with 5 children . The youngest is 1. I don't want to go on pill as I feel too old. I looked into getting sterilised but Dr said I would need help as would be hard for me after surgery with kids. My husband quite happy for me to go ahead and do this . Even though I have done my bit of carrying kids and giving birth etc. The youngest 3 are ours together and I have 2 from a previous. He refuses to have the snip but at 53 nearly 54 I don't see why he can't. He has shouted at me over it . I'm too scared to get pregnant again and he won't use protection. Before I got preg with my fifth I was so tired a the time from doing everything. He never helps as he thinks because he works it's ok. I told him I was tired one night he said " I get it from somewhere else then " . This hurt me . Yes muggy here still had a fifth baby. But she is beautiful and o don't regret it. When I had her I was induced and bled alot and was ill through the birth. After everything he saw me go through he was saying " I'm tired" " I'm hungry" when I go finally had her. He touched my foot briefly and said " well done". That was it. No kiss nothing. I was so upset. I said now you see me go through that maybe time to have the snip. He raised his voice and said " I told you no and i thought you was getting sterilised" . I have only slept with him a hand full of times and just want him to get the snip

OP posts:
ButiLoveHim32 · 26/07/2019 12:05

No idea what people are being so arsey with you OP. I think in the situation, the best form of contraception would be divorce.
I seriously think you have bigger problems than him not getting the snip.

And also calling it an operation as many other people have makes it sound so dramatic. It's a 10/15min procudure under local anaesthetic in a gp surgery ffs. All this doing it under general in hospital is being phased out now as it is a complete waste of time, money and resources.

I really wouldn't have much respect for any man who watched their wife carry and birth their children, probably spending 20+ yrs using hormonal contraception and wouldn't have a 15min procudure once to carry their share of family planning responsibility.

NoBaggyPants · 26/07/2019 12:07

How's the anger management going, he has been hasn't he?

Don't believe anything he has said in the past. If he's a brickie he'll most likely be self employed so it will be easy for him to manipulate his income. Unfortunately you may end up seeing very little in terms of maintenance and you need to plan accordingly.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:07

I didn't say it was normal hence me in here wanting advice. Not once I said normal and want and need support . I don't think it's normal. I don't think crying every day is normal i don't think bring snapped at is normal i don't think someone not saying I love you is normal it goes on .

OP posts:

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Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:08

He iwll.lose house of no mortgage paid. He would never see his kids on streets

OP posts:
HJWT · 26/07/2019 12:09

@Michessex15 Just stop having sex with him! End of, cant get pregnant then.

If he refuses the snip and condoms then he can get it else were cant he! Along with chlamydia!!!

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:10

You're right I don't have respect for him because he saw me go through a lot and a miscarriage which that was a nuisance to him when I miscarry and also but some women on here as saying that I shouldn't use that as an excuse for him to have the snip.what I'm saying is he saw me go through all that refuses to use condoms but won't have a vasectomy how is that fair but is ok about me booking appointments to get sterilised.some women on here are saying it should be calling giving it all this peace love and happiness they're not looking at their are bigger picture of what I'm saying and I do find some women on here really upset me today with the way they weren't things.my kids are my world like any mum with say I'm sure and no way would I ever put a dick head first

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:14

No my husband from a greek background where his mum done everything and didn't bring them up to say please thank you etc. She use to treat him like a kid up until she died. When we use to argue he would go there and she would trest him like a king. Cooking big meals and big breakfast . Then he would come home and not say sorry . She use to say that she wasn't allowed to ask questions so I told her. She would just bang on about how hard he works for us all

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 12:14

Sadly your husband is a detestable piece of shit

Myothername1 · 26/07/2019 12:16

Never mind a vasectomy you need a husbandectomy, he's like a throwback from prehistoric times
What use a proto hominid in the modern world 🤷

NoBaggyPants · 26/07/2019 12:18

It's you that is not looking at the bigger picture. You're focusing on the vasectomy but that is the least of your problems.

Does he have a right to bodily autonomy? Yes.

Is he an utter dickhead? Yes.

Are you minimising and excusing his awful behaviour? Yes, and this is why people are being harsh with you.

He doesn't give a shit about you or the kids. He's not going to pay the mortgage for you, if he has to leave he'll drop you right in it.

I truly hope you get some support and things get better for you, but that's not going to happen whilst you fail to acknowledge the reality of your situation.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:21

He does care about his children but I said they will stop caring about him because of me being upset and would he like his daughter's to marry someone like him? Of course he said nothing back. He is emotionally retarded . Yes my fault I know before you all say. Just want to vent but there you go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:22

He will pay mortgage. Otherwise he loses a house worth 650 grand? I'm not on mortgage just the house . I can pay anyway if he doesn't in time .

OP posts:
ButiLoveHim32 · 26/07/2019 12:26

Vasectomy is still serious surgery, with a 10% rate of serious complications (source, NHS, which uses the conservative end of published research figures). Serious means considerable pain (for over 3 months duration, a proportion of which is untreatable with even denervation not working) or issues which require further surgery to fix)

What source is that from? My dh recently had one done. He was quoted by the doctor (his friend and colleague) and also the literature that the reality is 1-2% and that this is what will be used from now on. The previous estimates of 10% were based on research dating back as far as 1992, when they were usually all done under general anaesthetic and the old technique was used. Now most are carried out using the punch or non scalpel technique which has dramatically reduced the incidence of PVP.

ButiLoveHim32 · 26/07/2019 12:29

Maybe you should think about starting another thread in relationships, the vasectomy really is a red herring here. I'm sure you would get great advice and support if you asked for it op.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:32

Yes thank you. Nooooo way am I starting up another thread after all this . Being told I sleep with my husband for money etc just ridiculous and upsetting X☺️

OP posts:
ysmaem · 26/07/2019 12:36

He sounds absolutely awful. You can't force him into a vasectomy bit you can leave him. You'd be better off without him tbh.

Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 12:38

Your husband is 54 years old and a Neanderthal, his chances of getting elsewhere are pretty damn slim
It's not really a catch is he...

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 12:51

No he isn't a catch and I can't imagine who else will put up with him after me. Someone thick which says alot about me I know . I actually call him the caveman

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 12:58

you're not thick!!
you recognise that he is in the wrong and you recognise that you need outside help to look at this situation objectively, he has brainwashed and oppressed you to drag you down to his level
reaching out for help shows that you have strong instincts for self preservation

Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 13:01

He thinks being a caveman makes him a strong powerful person, he probably experiences it as a compliment when you call him that?
he is wrong, he is completely out of step with modern society, his mental skill set is from a bygone age and he is not able to properly navigate the modern world
what he thinks makes him strong actually makes him weak, he probably couldn't cope at all without you

Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 13:03

He is holding you back oppressing you to make himself feel more powerful
the truth is he's now like an old man who is no use to anyone

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 13:03

Yes thank you. Just not looking forward to the splitting up part and upset kids. Done it before and doing it in my 40s. We were going to split up in Feb and my 5 year old was crying and saying I won't get to kiss him every night before bed. So when he said he will change etc I thought I have to give it one more go but if course the clash between him and my daughter plus my dad and his wife are staying a month next week from abroad . Not seen him for five years . How can I have him here while going through a separation . May not see him again . That was another factor. So I just feel once my dad gone I can move forward unless my husband punches another door

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 26/07/2019 13:11

Irrespective of your situation OP - it is YOU that want no more pregnancies then it is YOU that takes steps to prevent those happening . To be blunt, you wont leave him, you make too many excuses. But in the event you do leave him, it is tsill YOU that wants no more pregnanices.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 13:14

Yes. He goes to the gym and muscly and looks in his 40s. He commented on my weight few years ago when I had Hernia I had a but if a mummy tummy. He said was there a baby under there and was laughing. Thing is I have no strectbmarks and got a good figure considering I have had 5 kids. He never compliments my figure or anything . On holiday he didn't once take a photo of me and kids but when I took one if him he told me to get his arms or guns as he calls them and tattoos in. I'm cringing as I type this

OP posts:
PeoniesarePink · 26/07/2019 13:25

You sound deeply unhappy OP, and married to someone who doesn't respect or even seem to like you.

You need to make a change for your own sanity Flowers

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