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Original poster

Husband won't have a vasectomy

192 replies

Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 09:37

Hi. I am 41 nearly 42 with 5 children . The youngest is 1. I don't want to go on pill as I feel too old. I looked into getting sterilised but Dr said I would need help as would be hard for me after surgery with kids. My husband quite happy for me to go ahead and do this . Even though I have done my bit of carrying kids and giving birth etc. The youngest 3 are ours together and I have 2 from a previous. He refuses to have the snip but at 53 nearly 54 I don't see why he can't. He has shouted at me over it . I'm too scared to get pregnant again and he won't use protection. Before I got preg with my fifth I was so tired a the time from doing everything. He never helps as he thinks because he works it's ok. I told him I was tired one night he said " I get it from somewhere else then " . This hurt me . Yes muggy here still had a fifth baby. But she is beautiful and o don't regret it. When I had her I was induced and bled alot and was ill through the birth. After everything he saw me go through he was saying " I'm tired" " I'm hungry" when I go finally had her. He touched my foot briefly and said " well done". That was it. No kiss nothing. I was so upset. I said now you see me go through that maybe time to have the snip. He raised his voice and said " I told you no and i thought you was getting sterilised" . I have only slept with him a hand full of times and just want him to get the snip

OP posts:
SqueekyNuts · 26/07/2019 13:37

Irrespective of your situation OP - it is YOU that want no more pregnancies then it is YOU that takes steps to prevent those happening . To be blunt, you wont leave him, you make too many excuses. But in the event you do leave him, it is tsill YOU that wants no more pregnanices.

This 👆🏻

Ultimately pregnancy affects the women physically, mentally and financially more than the man.

Whilst it is cheaper for vasectomies to be performed on the NHS compared to female sterilization, unwanted pregnancy is far harder socially on the female. Yes there are other forms of contraception but if someone refuses them and sterilization then unless they don't have sex until the menopause they risk pregnancy.

HotChocolateLover · 26/07/2019 13:37

I just wouldn’t have sex with him until he had the snip. What a selfish wanker 🤬

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 13:39

Yes but I won't be having sex anytime soon with baby with chicken pox etc

OP posts:

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Women's health
Shakennotshook · 26/07/2019 13:40

Ltb

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 15:30

He is just odd. He never says he loves me touches me. He says things for a joke like " you want a fist in your mouth" things like that. If Im moaning about nothibg serious. I said the other day " god you never say anything nice and when you are having a laugh you say that "

OP posts:
Aaarrgghhh · 26/07/2019 19:28

You should just leave him to be honest. I don’t know why you are typing all this and saying things like we aren’t having much sex because the kids have chicken pox, no, that’s not it, don’t have sex because you don’t want to get pregnant.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 19:58

Well I haven't for 9 months. My point was from start is that is he being selfish by refusing to have snip. Anyway I got great kids and would never change that . I'm not sorry for having them x

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 26/07/2019 20:00

Why are you even wasting energy on talking about sex etc with him?
You don't have a healthy relationship - it's over!
Concentrate your energy on telling him it's over and getting your separation sorted.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 26/07/2019 20:06

I could not give a shit about sex it's last thing on.my mind. The fact he won't do anything about protection. For future I don't want to get pregnant. Thanks to the people that have been nice on here xxx

OP posts:
SheSaidNoFuckThat · 26/07/2019 20:31

If you've got a 650k mortgage that you can afford to pay if he doesn't - how the hell are you entitled to tax credits never mind them being frozen?!?!

You can't make someone do something to their body they don't want to, your Husband is an arse and I doubt you will see a penny if you do ever actually leave him

Mishappening · 26/07/2019 20:45

It is not good that he does not see protection as a joint decision. He unilaterally refuses to use condoms. This is not a real partnership.

Do you want to have sex with him? - it seems to me that this is a basic question.

Whosorrynow · 26/07/2019 21:46

@Michessex15
he is entitled to refuse to have a vasectomy equally you are entitled to refuse to have a sterilisation operation and to refuse sex, how do you feel about the situation, how do you want to manage this long-term, what do you see for yourself in the future?

Lindormilk · 27/07/2019 11:26

You have no right to force him into it. Go back to the doctor and say you need to be sterilised.

He’s home, he and look after the kids afterward. You wont be in bed, you can still carry on with life that week.

Whosorrynow · 27/07/2019 12:05

Absolutely not, why should she have an operation, she doesn't want to have sex, if he wants to have sex he'll have to have the operation
Probably the best outcome for everyone is if he fucks off in deluded pursuit that he can 'get it elsewhere'

SignedUpJust4This · 27/07/2019 12:23

Fucking hell OP. Don't stay with this nasty piece of work. Instead of cutting his balls off just cut him out your life. He doesn't love you.

SignedUpJust4This · 27/07/2019 12:25

He doesn't even see parenting as a joint activity. He thinks because he works he doesn't have to do anything else. Tell him single men still work. Did he expect to carry on living as a single man after kids?

QueenOfIce · 27/07/2019 12:46

Get a Daysy, take your temp everyday and it'll tell you where you are in your cycle. However honestly, I'd have a good think about what he brings to your relationship apart from the material things find your self worth (it's not defined by him) and when you're able leave.

FairyDust92 · 27/07/2019 12:48

Ew! If he doesn't want to wear protection then just tell him he doesn't get sex. Take time to think of yourself x

ShatnersWig · 27/07/2019 12:56

You've only had three threads on MN. In three weeks. All of them are about what a cunt your husband is (please note, that is only the second time in my life I have used that word).

This is NOT about him not having a vasectomy.

Shakennotshook · 27/07/2019 13:04

Get a Daysy, take your temp everyday and it'll tell you where you are in your cycle

These things and their ilk are unreliable.

Frith2013 · 27/07/2019 13:28

Phone Women’s Aid.

Leave him.

Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 14:11

Again please word things less aggressive ladies. I have 5 kids we had to make house bigger. Mortgage nearly paid. Tax credit as self employed . Don't get too much as depends on earnings . As a single parent and self employed in will getbsomevtax credit but not for fifth. Anyway he shouted at me this morning over something so small. Veins popping out neck. Told me to go away and everything my fault. I'm only reading and answering posts that are supportive and not going on about his rights. The post started that I feel he is selfish. No chance now anyway of getting preg as he said he is going Spain to be with his brother s and I don't support him

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 14:14

Yes signedup4this. We do family stuff but in week I do bath time bed time the lot. Weekends he fucjs off to the gym and boots sale etc. We do go out though but he could do more to help. When we got back from Spain I was catching up with house work etc all weekend he fucked off. Took him self on a bike ride to the beach wentbti the gym.me and kids were stuck in. I said in a calm voice that would be nice we all went to beach for a drink and play and he went ape shit. Said so I can't go on s bike ride now. Point was he went off to gym then his knows where else. No phone call. Gone for hours and day before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 14:19

Whosesorrynow.i can't imagine growing old with him. It scares me. Now after this morning going apeshit because he told girls to tidy rooms then if they do he will take them toyshop. I said all rooms? He said yeah . So I said jokingly they won't be going toyshop then . They are s it young to do whole house. He started shouting I don't support him . I told him twice yesterday they tidied their rooms. He said we clashed . I brought up that I was upset that he called MY daughter lanky. He said " so fucking what it's not like I called her a cunt" I said but you said it in a horrible time because she wouldn't help clear table as she was busy .

OP posts:
Original poster
Michessex15 · 27/07/2019 14:25

When he was single i use to think what a tidy organised man he was until it all came out his mum drive to his house to do it all for him . So he never done anything .

OP posts:
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