How many bottles of wine will it take to teach a 4 year old how to play chess?

[MonstranceClock]

I've promised her when she comes home from school that I will teach her to play....

Actually I cant even drink wine because I'm pregnant. I'll have to stress eat crisps.

Anyone taught a small child chess??

You will need 32 bottles. 16 green ones and 16 clear ones. Out of each colour, 8 will need to be absolutely identical to serve as pawns. Then you will need to specialise - I suggest using different grape types and then going by labels. So your Green King would be a nice Chateuneuf-du-Pape and your Green Queen would be a good Cabernet Sauvignon.

Make sure you have a lot of painkillers in the house, and of course a custom size chessboard.